"Red and Yellow, Black and White...

...they are precious in His sight - Jesus loves the little children of the world!"

Tonight, Joe and I went to an adoption meeting. It was so incredible, emotional, and inspiring I can hardly express it all here! The meeting was sponsored by Bethany Christian Services, an adoption agency we've become acquainted with through a family at our church.

I've been hesitant to talk about it much, only because there was some confusion about state-to-state issues for us, but it sounds like these will be able to be worked through. Yippy! Baby, here we come!

We heard information on both domestic (within the U.S.) and international (outside of the U.S., obviously) adoption. Aside from almost bursting into tears several times (I just can't believe we're actually going to be doing this!!), I felt both elated and terrified. (It's such a strange thought to think about possibly choosing your own child...) Joe and I are open to either kind of adoption....we just need to pick one and go with it.

Unfortunately, Joe and I suck at making decisions.

But our future family is at stake here -- so make a decision we will!! If you think of it, would you mind praying for us? Here are some specific prayer requests as we enter this new journey:

• Wisdom to know which form of adoption would be the best for us to pursue. There are so many pro's and con's to both types that it's a bit mind boggling! The decision is made even more difficult by the fact that we would love to do either and/or both kinds of adoption some day. So which one do we start with?
• Diligence on our part in filling out applications and forms and staying on top of things. I've felt terribly slothful lately, but I don't want to waste time as we enter this new phase, especially since we'll be doing a lot of waiting as it is.
• The birthmother and our future child. While we don't know whether our child is even conceived yet, we do want to pray that he/she is able to grow up healthy and is able to bond to us when we become their forever family. As well, we want to be in prayer for the birthmother (whether she is pregnant yet or not) that she would have the strength to do what's best for her child and that she might have someone to come alongside her to help her through this.

Thank you so much! I plan to update on our adoption status periodically, so you can be watching for more related posts!

Poll the Audience

I've been contemplating a weekly "scheduled" blog post. But I need some help. I can't decide what to call it! :) I'm hoping that having something scheduled each week will "force" me to post more regularly...but we'll see how that goes. Ha! :)

Anywho...my goal is to share some song lyrics at least once a week...either those that have touched my heart, some that have rich theology, or maybe just a few of my favorites. I might even get risky and try to post some music videos of some of them...but we'll see how ambitious I get. :)

So here are my ideas so far...but I'll admit, I don't really like any of them. They're all kinda cheesy. But if one of you particularly likes one, or even better, has a suggestion(!) then by all means, let me know in the comments!! Here goes:

Music-lover's Mondays
Tuneful Tuesdays/Thursdays
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus (again for a Tuesday or Thursday)
Worshipful Wednesdays
Faithful Fridays
Forte Fridays
Fridays are for Fermatas

Happy brainstorming! :)

Doing what God wants

Tonight, Joe and I watched "Julie & Julia", a really sweet movie about Julia Child. At one point in the movie, Julia Child receives a letter from her sister, who has just found out that she's pregnant. Though Julia tries to stay strong, she breaks down into tears over the unfairness of it all as her husband holds her in his arms. She exclaims, "I'm so happy for her!" yet her body shakes with sobs.

I couldn't help but know exactly how that felt. In fact, as Joe glanced at me to make sure I was doing ok, I looked back at him and said, "I know how that feels. It sucks."

Have I mentioned that both of my sister-in-law's are pregnant?

Well, you can imagine that I reacted the exact same way as Julia did.

It has now been 2 1/2 years since we went off of birth control and began to actually try to have a family. One miscarriage later, we're still waiting. And though it's painful and "sucks", I don't expect the world to stop turning just because I can't have the baby I so desperately long for. People will continue to get pregnant. People will continue to have babies. Lots of them. And that's ok. This is where God has me, and it's His perfect plan for me.

Joe and I recently began reading the book "Just Do Something" by Kevin DeYoung. It has been challenging my perception of God's will, and reaffirming the fact that all of the things that have happened in the last year have had a purpose.

As Kevin talked about I Thessalonians 4:3 ("For this is the will of God, your sanctification."), I began to feel joy creep into my heart. Here's what he wrote:

"He [God] wants you to buy a house that will make you holy. If you marry, He wants you to get married so you can be holy. He wants you to have a job that will help you grow in holiness. Count on it: God's will is always your sanctification. He has set you and me apart that we would grow to be more like Christ." (emphasis mine)

What a relief! Though I've never thought of God as some sort of sadistic entity, seeking to cause me pain on a daily basis, I have at times wondered what in the world God is doing. Why is he preventing me from getting pregnant? What is the point of my unexplained infertility? Why is He allowing everyone else to get pregnant all around me? Why did he take away the one child I did get pregnant with? Why, why, why???

Because He longs to make me loving, pure, and humble like Christ. In a word, he wants me to be holy.

During the movie, a friend of mine called, wanting to make sure I was doing ok since she had heard about both of my SIL's being pregnant. She too is struggling with over a year's worth of infertility and all the different stages of grief that you go through. At one point in the conversation she commented, "Well, maybe we'll always be childless spinsters...but at least we'll be doing what God wants." I was struck by her faith in a dark time. I don't know that I could have honestly said that a year ago. But it's true - God's plan is so much better for us than our own.

And I'm eager to live it.

It's Not Delivery...It's DiGiorno

When I read Fiddledeedee's DiGiorno giveaway post, it made me think of a little mishap we had with one of our DiGiorno pizza's a few months ago...

Before I begin, you must know that my husband's absolute favorite food in the whole entire world is pizza. He could literally eat it every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and one of his favorite brands of pizza is DiGiorno.

So...we had decided to have a pizza for dinner. A DiGiorno pizza, since it was a special night, eating at home and all. :) Anywho...I offered to pop it in the pizza oven so we could get to eating our "nutritious" meal.

So....I set the pizza oven timer* to the normal length of time, 13 minutes or so, and went about checking my email and whatnot waiting for dinner to be ready.
*(Before I go on, let me note that I always use a timer when baking or doing laundry. In fact, Joe mocks me often for this tendency and can't understand why I don't "just remember it". Ha! This was a good learning lesson for him... )

After the timer ding-ed, I checked on it, and the cheese wasn't even melted completely, let alone golden brown. So I reset the timer for another 7-10 minutes, thinking I would check it half-way through just in case.

Well. Remember when I said that I can't "just remember"?? ;)

So...when the timer ding-ed the second time, I went to retrieve the pizza and it was....black. Burnt to a crisp.

I gasped. And prayed that my husband wouldn't smell the burning cheese.

I did finally tell him.....quite sheepishly, and he indeed was upset. "You burnt a DiGiorno pizza?!?!?? A DiGiorno pizza??!! Those are the best!!!"

*Sigh* At least we had more in the freezer...

Strange...

It's strange when you feel glum about something, but can't put your finger on it.

That's how I felt today...just kind of distant and sad. It was odd because today was the first Saturday in months that I had absolutely nothing going on. I could sleep in, work out, organize, waste time, watch movies, do laundry, and surf the net as much as my little heart desired. So why did I feel so....sad?

Joe and I were talking about it on our way to my nephew's 6th birthday party when it hit me -- a year ago from yesterday was when we found out we were pregnant with our Hopie. It was a miraculous day - filled with tears and shock and laughter, looking forward to meeting the new life the Lord had blessed us with. And a year ago from today was spent at my nephew's 5th birthday party, where Joe and I exchanged secret smiles with each other as we knew something no one else knew.

Strange.

Strange that it's been a year already, when sometimes it feels like it was only weeks ago.

Strange that my nephew's birthday will now always carry a little bit of sorrow in my heart, remembering the sweet Hope we once had.

Strange that I had somehow forgotten this, and couldn't pinpoint the source of my sadness.

Strange.

So as I remember the joy and excitement that being a mother brought me by re-reading this post and this post, I will also cling to my Savior - the source of my comfort and a close companion to me through the awfulness of the past year.

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him..." (Job 13:15)