February 17th

Here are the facts:

Today the LSS attorney went to court, as planned originally. While there, Juan's translator phoned in for him and spoke to the judge/attorney, voicing that Juan wanted to change his mind. However, when the judge/attorney asked to speak to Juan, the translator refused to give him the phone, leading the judge to believe that Juan may not have been with the translator when he called, or may not have known what the translator was even saying. The judge was not impressed, and told the translator that Juan would need to be present in court at the next hearing if he wanted to exercise his parental rights. The new court date is now set for March 10th, 3 weeks away.

Carrie told me that it's good news and bad news. Good news because Juan did not make a good impression on the judge, and now the stakes are set higher for him. Bad news because the judge did not request the paternity test yet, so if Juan does show on March 10th, then we would have to wait again for him to do the paternity test and have another hearing.

As far as Heather is concerned she might be released as soon as tomorrow, but she is still not in stable condition. Please continue to pray for her. Once she is released, Carrie will be meeting with her and letting her know about Juan wanting to claim his parental rights (as she has had no idea up to this point since she was in the hospital when he spoke up). The hope is that she will be able to be present in court on March 10th to terminate her parental rights. We may meet with her in the next 3 weeks also, if it would be beneficial for her to spend some time with us again before the hearing. We'll see how that goes.

Those are the facts.

But this is how I'm feeling:

Today was the day I was supposed to bring my baby home. I had images of us loading Lydia and all her stuff into our vehicle with unexpressible joy in our hearts. I pictured us arriving home and celebrating with our families, and giving Lydia lots of cuddles and kisses before putting her to bed. I looked forward to being done with work and just having it be me and my little girl in the coming weeks ahead.

But none of that happened today.

And it's ripping my heart out.

I know that God has a plan. He has always been faithful to me in the past, and I know that He will be in the future, but right now all I can feel is pain and uncertainty and the unbearable burden of having to WAIT once again. I don't know if I can take it. Knowing that for the next three weeks we will still have absolutely no idea if Lydia will be coming home with us or not. And that there's still the possibility of having to wait AGAIN after March 10th is enough to make me go crazy!

I don't understand how God works. And I don't think I'm supposed to. But it's hard for me to not ask Him why He's doing it this way.

You may have heard the saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle!" And I vehemently disagree with that statement. I think the point is that God does give us more than we can handle...so that we rely on Him!! Why would God give us something that we can handle?? How would we grow? In what ways would our faith be tested to be strong and unyielding if we could "handle" the trials we face? GOD wants to handle my problems for me - and I have definitely reached the end of my strength and ability to deal with this emotional rollercoaster that we're on.

I trust HIM. He will deal with my problems in the perfect way! All I have to do is follow Him and trust Him...even though it usually means walking forward blindly by faith.

Over the past few days I have read the book "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. It tells the story of her marriage to contemporary Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman and how they dealt with the tragic death of their 5 year old daughter 2 years ago. Though her story is very different from mine, she too had to go through the process of letting go of her plans, and allowing God to work out His unique plan for their lives.

Right now, I feel like God is holding my wrist, as I clench my fist in front of Him. He's looking me in the eyes and asking, "Do you trust Me? Do you trust Me to take care of what you're clutching in your hand? Do you trust Me to fulfill the desires of your heart?" And slowly, He pries my fingers open, one by one, and holds onto that very thing I desire most, until the time is right for me to have it.

I don't like it. I'll be honest. But His way is the best way. He is indeed, Faithful.

Here's a link to a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that resonated with my heart today. Enjoy!

UPDATE:

I talked to Carrie today. Heather is still in the hospital, so the court date will have to be rescheduled tomorrow. :( It should be set up within a month's time, and at the new court hearing an attorney will represent Heather, so it won't necessarily matter if she's been released or not.

Tomorrow we will find out if the birth father puts his words in action and shows up or not. If not, they will notate that, and use it for future reference. If he does show up, then they will ask him to do a paternity test, and there will have to be another court hearing to discuss the results of that.

Ugh.

Please pray that God's will will be done. I knew that a delay was likely, but I was praying for a miracle. Obviously I'm feeling pretty down about it all, so please pray for strength and encouragement for us.

Thanks, everyone!

Calling all prayer warriors!

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal. ~Isaiah 26:3-4


If you follow me on facebook, you may have noticed that I've stopped posting the days that remain until we bring Lydia home. And there's a reason for that, unfortunately...

On Thursday, Carrie called us and let us know that the birthfather had a translator contact the guardian ad litem for him, stating that he had chosen to change his mind regarding the adoption plan. Obviously, this has caused things to become rather complicated for us.

If that wasn't enough, Heather was also hospitalized earlier this week for post partum depression, and we aren't sure when she will be released yet. If the birthfather had not stepped in at all, we were looking at the possibility of having our court date postponed due to Heather's hospitalization.

The court hearing is still scheduled for this Thursday, the 17th. But obviously we have no idea what will be happening that day, exactly. As it stands, the birthfather is (as far as we know) living here illegally. I think this will affect whatever choices he makes in court (leading to possible deportation or at least arrest), but at this point, we're not exactly sure.

I wanted to let anyone know we may have missed, so you can be praying for us. We need your prayers so badly right now! It's been emotional for us and our families, but we are trusting God's sovereignty and the plan He has for Lydia and our lives.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

Here are some specific prayer requests:

• Pray for Heather to recover quickly and be released from the hospital by Monday. She still needs to meet with the guardian ad litem herself (for a required meeting) and if that's not done before the court date, it will have to be postponed (by about a month).
• Pray for the birthfather (Juan) to either
  a) Realize that he's making a foolish choice, and that he has a better chance of having a relationship with Lydia if he goes forward with the adoption plan.
  b) Grow lazy and not follow through with his words. If he is not present in some form at the court hearing on Thursday, he won't have any more options, since he has already signed the consent forms.
  c) Be gripped with fear of the law if he moves forward. (Fear of deportation, arrest, etc.)
• Pray for Lydia and Laurie, the Bridge Care mom who's taking care of her. Pray that they would be at peace throughout all of this. We chose not to visit Lydia this weekend because we knew our emotions would be easy for her to pick up on, and we want her to not have any added stress.
• Pray for us - for peace and strength. So far we have been blessed by the "peace that passes all understanding" that is found only in the Lord Jesus. I have moments of weakness where I fear the worst - but overall we are placing Lydia and our future in God's hands. He knows best.

Thank you for your prayers. Please know that as we have updates, we will share them.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

A Time for Everything...

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven...  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Why is it that life's greatest joys are often accompanied by inexpressible sorrows?

As Joe and I rejoice in the little details of getting ready for our first child, it is coupled with a deadening grief over the recent news of a dear family friend of ours.

To put it succinctly, our friend, Kathleen Olson, has been battling lung cancer (though she's never smoked) for around a year now. The cancer has spread throughout most of her body, and she has been participating in numerous treatments to help alleviate the symptoms she's experienced and hopefully hold the cancer at bay.

Just a week ago (from Sunday) she and her husband led worship at our church in Iowa, but now she has been admitted to a hospice center because of her restlessness and needing more consistent care. Her husband Jeff has been by her side, and her 3 children (12 and under) will be returning from a short trip to the lake that they had over the weekend to get away.

Will you join with me in praying for their family? Here are some specific ways we can be praying:

• Healing - As always, we hope for the miracle of healing, and know that God is able to do all things, according to His infinite wisdom and mercy.
• Wisdom regarding what to do next - if Kathleen should stay in the hospice center, or be moved back home if she is stable enough.
• The Children (Jonathon, Hannah and Laura) as they return home tomorrow. When they left, Kathleen was still at home and able to communicate with them on a small level, but she has deteriorated much while they've been gone. Pray that they won't be frightened, and that the peace of Christ would be near to them. Also pray for all the decisions that will be effecting them in the future.
• Kathleen's parents. They are visiting now, and helping with all of the household chores and other "to do's". Pray for them as they see their daughter suffering, and ultimately, that they might make Christ their Savior.
• My family - My parents have been intricately involved in helping with Kathleen, watching the kids, making meals, cleaning, etc. I know that it's wearing on them emotionally and physically. Pray that they may be strong and a source of encouragement.
• Peace for everyone.

Your prayers mean so much. Thank you.

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth... Psalm 121:1-2

We're Expecting...

But not in the traditional way.

Today our portfolio (which we finally finished! yay!) officially went "in the books". This means that we could be chosen any day now by a set of birthparents.

Can you say exciting? That doesn't even come close!!!

You have all been such a blessing to us through your encouragement, prayers and support -- thank you!! Here are some ways you can be praying specifically:

• Health - for the birthmother and the baby.
• Patience - for us as we wait to be matched. I tend to be a worry-wart and a planner, so facing the big unknown is a little out of my comfort zone. Pray that I am able to leave it all in the Lord's hands and trust His timing.
• Preparation - We have been blessed with a crib from some family friends, but there is much left to do to prepare! We will not be having a baby shower before our little one's arrival, as that will only intensify the waiting, and we want to wait until everything is finalized. However, I will be buying some diapers, onesies, formula, bottles and a few other baby items beforehand. (And I know that my mom has been picking up baby things at garage sales and the like -- she's an excited Grandma-to-be! :) ) It's all new to us, so wisdom and peace would be great in this area. :)
• Finances - Our first big adoption payment has been paid (praise the Lord!), and our second will not be due until the adoption is finalized. We have been so blessed by the generosity of friends (thank you! thank you!! thank you!!!), and we trust that the Lord will provide us with every cent we need along the way. I don't want this to become a source of worry, so again, pray that we can just trust in Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider.
• Comfort - for the birthfamily. This is a huge sacrifice and act of love on their part, and it's way harder than anything I've ever faced. Pray for a special measure of comfort, peace and hope for the family. That they wouldn't live a life of regret, but look forward in hope.
• Future - there are so many aspects in the future that are unknown...how our relationship with the birth family will be, the hospital time, the time in between the baby's birth and the adoption finalization, how we'll adjust, how the baby will bond to us, and so on! Basically, anything that you can think of -- pray for it! :)

Thank you again for holding us up in prayer! You will indeed be blessed! :)

A Confession

So...I got my facts mixed up a bit regarding our education classes this weekend. I thought I had been told that they were parenting education classes...but really, they were adoption information classes, and they were GREAT! :) There were 4 other couples in the class with us, and we were able to turn in another big chunk of our paperwork which was a huge blessing!

Also...the most exciting news....we will be able to have our social worker come and do our homestudy in 2 weeks from now!!! Yahoo!! Originally, I thought we had to complete all of our paperwork before our homestudy could be finished, but apparently not!

So basically, these are the only things we have left to complete before we can be considered a "waiting family":

1. Proof of house/car insurance coverage.
2. Joe's autobiography -- thankfully, he will be working less hours next week, so he hopes to finish this up :)
3. Our letter to the birthmother -- this will be our first impression to any birthmother who comes in wanting to form an adoption plan for her child.
4. Our portfolio -- a 12 page scrapbook summing up who we are and what our lives are like.
5. Our homestudy -- which will be done in 2 weeks!!!!!

And that's it! :)

I tell ya, it's absolutely exhilirating...

We had the opportunity to talk to several adoptive families who came in with their kids and shared their stories over the weekend. It's amazing how each one is completely different. I can't wait to see how the Lord orchestrates our story! :)

Other things we discussed in our education classes:

• Transracial adoption -- being prepared for inappropriate comments, different types of skin/hair care needs, etc.
• What to expect at our first "match meeting" (This is when we meet the birthmother who has chosen us for the first time).
• Glimpses of what the process is like emotionally for birthmothers (this was heartwrenching...)
• How to talk about adoption with your child.
• How to bond with your child and help them adjust to a new home

And so much more...

Needless to say, we are getting very excited -- and scared to death -- as we approach the "waiting" period. The next 2 weeks will be a flurry of activity as we try to clean our house, paint the soon-to-be-baby's room, finish Joe's autobiography, and at least start our portfolio.

Here's how you can be praying:

• Persistence - as we try to finish up our paperwork and get things done around our house. As I speak, Joe is tilling up our garden so that our backyard will look presentable (finally....).
• Wisdom - as we write our letter to the birthmother and begin our portfolio. Thankfully, I was able to see quite a few portfolio examples, and I think I have a good idea of where to start and what I want to do with ours! But it's a daunting task...
• Our vehicle situation - We are still searching for a replacement for Joe's car, though right now, that's not at the top of our list. Even if we don't find one before a baby is placed in our home, that's ok. We trust that the Lord will provide us with what we need, when we need it.
• Birthmother/father - As always, we pray for the woman we will have the honor to meet someday. Please pray that she is safe and makes wise choices for herself and her baby.

As always, thank you so much for your prayers! We look forward to telling our baby how many people were praying for him/her someday... :)

Parenting Pointers

As a part of our adoption process, we are required to attend 2 days of education classes.

In otherwords, 2 days of parenting pointers. :)

Thursday and Friday will be our days of classes, so we'd appreciate your prayers. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I'm actually quite excited about it! We plan to bring another batch of completed paperwork, which means one step closer to our home study! Yippee!!

Here are a few prayer requests:

• Specifically,  that the Lord provides us with a Christian couple to connect with while we're in our education classes. (Preferably someone close to where we live...but I don't want to be too picky. :) )
• Wisdom in answering questions. Neither Joe nor I excel in answering questions when we're put on the spot, and I have a feeling there may be some of that happening this weekend.
• Continue to pray for the birthmother who will choose us in the future...that she would be safe and make wise decisions regarding her baby (whether she's pregnant now or not).
• Continued wisdom in pursuing adoption grants, etc. Most financial assistance is offered at the completion of a home study. Obviously we're not to this point yet, but I still want to be scoping out the options for the future...

Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers, we appreciate it so much!!

A Conglomeration Happenings

I promised you all an update, and here it is finally!! This is what's been going on in our household over the past few weeks...I've tried to title each separate section so it doesn't seem like a big random run-on post... :)

Honk the Musical
As I mentioned in this post, I helped out with our local school's production of "Honk: A Musical Tale of the Ugly Duckling" at the end of April. And as mentioned, I had a great time doing it, however, what some of you may not have known, is that it caused a bit of a problem with my arms. It turns out that learning 1.5 hours of musical accompaniment (which, by the way, was written in the most difficult keys and had about 5 key changes per song) and getting it polished enough to perform it a little over a month later is a little bit hard on your arms. I was having shooting pain up my arms and into my shoulders, as well as achiness in my hands and wrist, which made playing just a bit difficult. To be honest, it had me completely freaking out. But, praise the Lord, one of my students has a sister who suffered from similar symptoms in the past, and was able to recommend that I soak my arms, alternating between hot and cold water. And though it didn't take away the pain completely, it made it much more bearable. Now they're almost back to normal, for which I am very thankful.

Quincy
We still find our dog to be a joy! (With the exception of the occasional poop accidents in the living room and destroying even the most indestructible of toys) He remains mild-mannered and semi-trained. And sometimes we wonder if he's part cat...

Adoption!! (the most important update of all!)
My last post about our adoption process described it as a bit of a stand still. Well....we have made major progress since then, of which I am overjoyed to share with you!!

Joe and I prayed (and so did many others -- thank you!) that the Lord would lead us to the right decision regarding an adoption agency, changing types of adoption, or moving. And, as always, the Lord came through. :)

A few weeks ago, I was having a "downer" day, and had decided to call around to see if I could find an adoption lawyer who could maybe work with us privately. The first one I talked to highly recommended that we pursue an agency, and then spent a lot of time telling me things that I was already aware of. But he was nice, so I won't hold it against him. :) His recommendation was Catholic Charities, but we just didn't feel good about supporting a Catholic organization. Next on my list was to call Lutheran Social Services, an agency my mom told me she had heard good things about.

From the moment I began talking with Laura, I was hooked. She was so friendly and helpful and WE WERE IN HER SERVICING AREA!!! As she explained the process we would need to go through and how it all works, she mentioned to me that at this point, there were no people on their waiting list. Which is highly unusual since usually they have so many people waiting that they have to draw family names randomly out of a hat to determine who will actually get into the program.

Well. Let's just say that I know why there were no people on the waiting list...cuz my God is THAT BIG, that's why! :)

Needless to say, I set up an appointment to meet with her only 2 days later at their office (which is about 1.5 hours from where we live). It was great. She explained a little more in detail and encouraged us to take our time in making our decision...that it isn't a decision that should be rushed into. I agreed with her, and then commented: "I know you said this shouldn't be rushed into...but we've been waiting and praying about this for a long time...so I know our answer is yes!" And the best part? She was cool with that! We left that day with not only a general packet on adoption, but also a packet of paperwork that needed to be completed, as well as information regarding our homestudy.

And let me tell you. It is a PILE of paperwork. I've been working on it as much as I can since we got it, and I still don't feel like I've made much of a dent in it. Oh well.

At this point, my goal (as unrealistic as it may be) is to get all of our paperwork done (and maybe even our homestudy?!?) by the end of June so that things can start moving forward! Laura told us that the waiting time is usually 12-18 months approximately, but it can be shorter when you're a couple without children.

Score for us! :)

So, once again, we covet your prayers as we push forward! Here are some specific ways you can pray:

• That we don't lose any of the paperwork! I doubt that we will, but I'm super paranoid that this might accidentally happen. Pray that the Lord's angels keep everything together!!
• For clarity of mind in answering the gazillions of questions we have to answer. Some of them are things neither of us have thought through much before, and it's difficult to form an articulate thought on the matter.
• Along that same line, especially pray for Joe. Writing your thoughts clearly is not something Joe has ever enjoyed doing, and it can be a bit of a struggle for him. Pray that he can clearly explain his thoughts and that we avoid conflict as we work at it as a team!
• Pray for guidance in pursuing financial support through grants and scholarships. I know there are many out there, but I'm not sure where to start. Pray for wisdom, please.
• And finally (obviously), pray for the birthmother that we will be in contact with someday. Pray for her salvation and that she might be able to make wise choices for herself and the baby.

Thanks so much, everyone!! :)

Perplexed

Have you ever prayed for God to make a foggy decision more clear?

Have you ever been impatient with God for taking "forever" when it's really only been a few days?

Have you ever had God answer your prayer, but not in the way you want?

Have you ever blamed people for the outcome of a situation, rather than looking at it as God's direction?

I've done all of these things...just today, as a matter of fact. As you all know, we've been pursuing adoption and all the decisions that it requires. After much deliberation and prayer, we had finally decided on Bethany Christian Services and going the route of domestic adoption.

Well.

That may have changed today.

To make a long story short, because of us living on the border of MN and WI, we can't go to the office that is closer to us (in MN) because you have to go to the office of the state you reside in. Except that the WI office won't accept us because we live too far away. (They do make exceptions in the case of international adoptions, in which case a social worker travels to do some of the work.)

So...are you confused yet?

At this point, it appears that we need to switch agencies - or switch programs. Or maybe God wants us to do something completely different and out of our comfort zone - who knows!

In addition to this, we've been toying with the idea of moving back across the border into MN, since we will probably be needing a larger home in the future anyway.

That makes 2 major life-changing decisions, in case you weren't counting.

Which brings up the question - should we switch agencies if we're going to be moving to MN and can work with Bethany Christian Services then? And if we wait until we move...how long will that take? And am I willing to prolong this process more than necessary? And can I handle putting my house up for sale and adopting a child at the same time??

 So, with all that said, will you please pray for us?

• Pray that we are willing to seek God's plan, not our own.
• Pray for patience -- as much as I hate to ask for it, because we all know that means the Lord will give us things to be patient about! :)
• Pray that some of our questions can be answered -- as far as possibly putting our house for sale, and all the details.
• Pray for us to not be discouraged by a closed door, but to rejoice in the fact that the Lord is leading us along the path He has for us.
• Continue to pray for our future child and our relationship with the birth family.

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

"Red and Yellow, Black and White...

...they are precious in His sight - Jesus loves the little children of the world!"

Tonight, Joe and I went to an adoption meeting. It was so incredible, emotional, and inspiring I can hardly express it all here! The meeting was sponsored by Bethany Christian Services, an adoption agency we've become acquainted with through a family at our church.

I've been hesitant to talk about it much, only because there was some confusion about state-to-state issues for us, but it sounds like these will be able to be worked through. Yippy! Baby, here we come!

We heard information on both domestic (within the U.S.) and international (outside of the U.S., obviously) adoption. Aside from almost bursting into tears several times (I just can't believe we're actually going to be doing this!!), I felt both elated and terrified. (It's such a strange thought to think about possibly choosing your own child...) Joe and I are open to either kind of adoption....we just need to pick one and go with it.

Unfortunately, Joe and I suck at making decisions.

But our future family is at stake here -- so make a decision we will!! If you think of it, would you mind praying for us? Here are some specific prayer requests as we enter this new journey:

• Wisdom to know which form of adoption would be the best for us to pursue. There are so many pro's and con's to both types that it's a bit mind boggling! The decision is made even more difficult by the fact that we would love to do either and/or both kinds of adoption some day. So which one do we start with?
• Diligence on our part in filling out applications and forms and staying on top of things. I've felt terribly slothful lately, but I don't want to waste time as we enter this new phase, especially since we'll be doing a lot of waiting as it is.
• The birthmother and our future child. While we don't know whether our child is even conceived yet, we do want to pray that he/she is able to grow up healthy and is able to bond to us when we become their forever family. As well, we want to be in prayer for the birthmother (whether she is pregnant yet or not) that she would have the strength to do what's best for her child and that she might have someone to come alongside her to help her through this.

Thank you so much! I plan to update on our adoption status periodically, so you can be watching for more related posts!