Strange...

It's strange when you feel glum about something, but can't put your finger on it.

That's how I felt today...just kind of distant and sad. It was odd because today was the first Saturday in months that I had absolutely nothing going on. I could sleep in, work out, organize, waste time, watch movies, do laundry, and surf the net as much as my little heart desired. So why did I feel so....sad?

Joe and I were talking about it on our way to my nephew's 6th birthday party when it hit me -- a year ago from yesterday was when we found out we were pregnant with our Hopie. It was a miraculous day - filled with tears and shock and laughter, looking forward to meeting the new life the Lord had blessed us with. And a year ago from today was spent at my nephew's 5th birthday party, where Joe and I exchanged secret smiles with each other as we knew something no one else knew.

Strange.

Strange that it's been a year already, when sometimes it feels like it was only weeks ago.

Strange that my nephew's birthday will now always carry a little bit of sorrow in my heart, remembering the sweet Hope we once had.

Strange that I had somehow forgotten this, and couldn't pinpoint the source of my sadness.

Strange.

So as I remember the joy and excitement that being a mother brought me by re-reading this post and this post, I will also cling to my Savior - the source of my comfort and a close companion to me through the awfulness of the past year.

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him..." (Job 13:15)

A trip down memory lane...

Over the weekend, Joe and I visited my family down in Io-way for my lil' brother's birthday. (did that rhyme? :) It was so nice to spend time with my parents and siblings, as well as catch up with my grandparents and other Iowan friends.

One of the highlights of the weekend occurred Saturday night in my parent's living room. We had just finished eating out at Chili's for Sambo's birthday dinner and were waiting for the second set of grandparent's to arrive for cherry pie and ice cream. While we waited, we flipped on the tv (the ginormously huge one that my family just purchased) to the PBS channel. It featured Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians -- a group foreign to me. Before we knew it, my grandpa was singing along to all the songs they were playing. What a sweet moment! Instantly I was reminded of all of my memories of singing with Grandpa:

...the first time he taught me "Christ Arose" in the basement of our home in Canada and singing it with him every Easter since...

...the little ditty, "Put your shoes on Lucy, don'tcha know you're in the city? Put your shoes on Lucy, dontcha know you're kinda pretty?" every time I put my shoes on at Grandma and Grandpa's as a child...

...Grandpa's deep bass voice singing out, "Silver bells, silver bells, it's Christmas-time in the city..." almost every year at Christmas time...

...singing in the "way back" of our station wagon when we went to get maple syrup while living in Canada...and not even noticing that we were completely lost....

...this past year when we went through the Cedar Memorial Christmas lights display and spontaneously sang Christmas carols as we drove in the car...

As I remembered those sweet moments and listened to Grandpa's beautiful bass voice singing "I Want a Girl (Just Like the Girl that Married Dear Old Dad)", my heart smiled. I pray that those memories will never fade from my memory and that Grandpa will always keep on singing.