That's how I felt today...just kind of distant and sad. It was odd because today was the first Saturday in months that I had absolutely nothing going on. I could sleep in, work out, organize, waste time, watch movies, do laundry, and surf the net as much as my little heart desired. So why did I feel so....sad?
Joe and I were talking about it on our way to my nephew's 6th birthday party when it hit me -- a year ago from yesterday was when we found out we were pregnant with our Hopie. It was a miraculous day - filled with tears and shock and laughter, looking forward to meeting the new life the Lord had blessed us with. And a year ago from today was spent at my nephew's 5th birthday party, where Joe and I exchanged secret smiles with each other as we knew something no one else knew.
Strange.
Strange that it's been a year already, when sometimes it feels like it was only weeks ago.
Strange that my nephew's birthday will now always carry a little bit of sorrow in my heart, remembering the sweet Hope we once had.
Strange that I had somehow forgotten this, and couldn't pinpoint the source of my sadness.
Strange.
So as I remember the joy and excitement that being a mother brought me by re-reading this post and this post, I will also cling to my Savior - the source of my comfort and a close companion to me through the awfulness of the past year.
"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him..." (Job 13:15)
3 comments:
It's strange the way grief works itself out. I felt punk all day too and even thought at one point, "It's been a year, but I don't know the exact date".
My heart bleeds for you, my dear daughter. Dad and I are praying every night for God to fill your waiting arms. He hears our cries and He loves to answer our prayers!
I love you.
It's amazing to me that our subconscious somehow knows what day it is, even when we aren't conscious of it yet... Can't wait to hear that you're expecting again.
I sensed your mood. You seemed sad, I wanted to say something, but with the room full of people, just let it go. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
Milly
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