...Wait...

Today I received a book in the mail from a friend of ours (Thank you, Karen!!) entitled, "Wait: A Journey to Discovering the Heart of God". It had a poem inside that was exactly what I needed to hear today! I fear I've been grumbling and complaining in my heart a little too much about the amount of waiting I've had to do lately, and this kind of put me in my place. :) I copied it here so that it could be an encouragement to others. Enjoy!

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is Your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to Wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
And He tenderly said "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still...'Wait'."
~Russell Kelfer

It's a God-Thing

I've been trying to think of a visual remember of my Hopie to have around the house or in our yard or something. My sister-in-law got me started by giving me a small gold pin with a pair of baby's feet on it, the size they would be at 10 weeks gestation, and I've pinned it on to my purse. It's such a sweet reminder...but I still want something more. I've got a few ideas mulling around in my head...so feel free to offer any suggestions!

Anywho, the reason I mentioned that is because last night I was thinking of Hopie just before heading to bed. As I went to take my last swig of water before heading upstairs, my gaze fell on a magnet on the corner of my fridge. And I think my eyes probably tripled in size.

It's a magnet I had made at an Uppercase Living party several months ago, just a simple light blue rectangular shape with white polka dotted swirls on it....and the word "Hope". I would have gasped, but then I would have choked, thus making the moment far more dramatic than it needed to be! But it meant so much to me...to realize that the Lord prompted me to choose the word "Hope" out of the collection of other words -- I could have done "love" or "peace" or any other such thing...but I chose Hope. Coincidence? I think not. Looking back, I'm fairly certain I chose that word because of my battle with infertility and hoping so fiercely that the Lord would bless us that month...or maybe the next...or the next...never knowing that "Hope" would carry so much meaning for me later on. I love how the Lord works!

And that's not all...

Once I got upstairs, I was reading my Bible before going to sleep, and was reading Isaiah 25, one of the chapters required for our Bible Study this week.

Now, before I go on, let me mention that I do know the importance of "good hermeneutics"...but I also believe that sometimes the Lord can use passages of Scripture outside of the context it's in to speak to a person individually. Now I'll explain what I mean...

Back to Isaiah 25 -- the first 2 verses speak of praising God because,

"You have worked wonders, plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness. For You have made a city into a heap, a fortified city into a ruin..."

I couldn't help but think of the journey we've been on -- attempting to start a family for a year and a half, the joy and miracle of finding out we were pregnant, and then the overwhelming sorrow of miscarrying. I thought of infertility and miscarriage and how you feel ruined when it's all over. However, each of those events were part of God's plan of perfect faithfulness. Not that God wanted our baby to die or wanted us to go through the tears and searing pain of grief after the agony of waiting so long for a child...but He has seen the end from the beginning, and every step has been an opportunity for Him to show us His perfect faithfulness.

As I read on, I came across verse 8,

"He will swallow up death for all time, and the Lord God will wipe tears away from all faces..."

Thank you Lord that a Day is coming when tears and grief won't be a part of life anymore!

"O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" (I Cor. 15:55)

By this point, I was grinning at how the Lord had spoken to my heart and encouraged me - and yet I kept thinking of how I want to be more bold about our whole experience. I believe that the Lord can really use our story to encourage the hearts of others and also demonstrate His unfailing grace and faithfulness towards us as we cling to Him.

Which brings me to my last thought -- as hermeneutically incorrect as it may be...

As I concluded my Bible reading in II Cor 3 (by the way -- for any of you going through a particularly rough time, I have found II Corinthians to be soooo encouraging and helpful, especially the first 4 chapters. They have sustained me through many "valleys" from high school until now), I was struck by verse 12,

"Therefore, having such a hope, we use great boldness in our speech"

Dude...was God listening to my thoughts just then or what?? I want to use the experience of losing my baby....who "just happened" to be named Hope...as a way to be more bold for the Lord. EXACTLY what vs 8 was saying...in a paraphrased Liz-version.

God Rocks. There's just no way around it.