Calling all prayer warriors!

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal. ~Isaiah 26:3-4


If you follow me on facebook, you may have noticed that I've stopped posting the days that remain until we bring Lydia home. And there's a reason for that, unfortunately...

On Thursday, Carrie called us and let us know that the birthfather had a translator contact the guardian ad litem for him, stating that he had chosen to change his mind regarding the adoption plan. Obviously, this has caused things to become rather complicated for us.

If that wasn't enough, Heather was also hospitalized earlier this week for post partum depression, and we aren't sure when she will be released yet. If the birthfather had not stepped in at all, we were looking at the possibility of having our court date postponed due to Heather's hospitalization.

The court hearing is still scheduled for this Thursday, the 17th. But obviously we have no idea what will be happening that day, exactly. As it stands, the birthfather is (as far as we know) living here illegally. I think this will affect whatever choices he makes in court (leading to possible deportation or at least arrest), but at this point, we're not exactly sure.

I wanted to let anyone know we may have missed, so you can be praying for us. We need your prayers so badly right now! It's been emotional for us and our families, but we are trusting God's sovereignty and the plan He has for Lydia and our lives.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

Here are some specific prayer requests:

• Pray for Heather to recover quickly and be released from the hospital by Monday. She still needs to meet with the guardian ad litem herself (for a required meeting) and if that's not done before the court date, it will have to be postponed (by about a month).
• Pray for the birthfather (Juan) to either
  a) Realize that he's making a foolish choice, and that he has a better chance of having a relationship with Lydia if he goes forward with the adoption plan.
  b) Grow lazy and not follow through with his words. If he is not present in some form at the court hearing on Thursday, he won't have any more options, since he has already signed the consent forms.
  c) Be gripped with fear of the law if he moves forward. (Fear of deportation, arrest, etc.)
• Pray for Lydia and Laurie, the Bridge Care mom who's taking care of her. Pray that they would be at peace throughout all of this. We chose not to visit Lydia this weekend because we knew our emotions would be easy for her to pick up on, and we want her to not have any added stress.
• Pray for us - for peace and strength. So far we have been blessed by the "peace that passes all understanding" that is found only in the Lord Jesus. I have moments of weakness where I fear the worst - but overall we are placing Lydia and our future in God's hands. He knows best.

Thank you for your prayers. Please know that as we have updates, we will share them.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

Don't Fret, My Pet

Worry.

It's something that plagues us all, doesn't it?

This morning Joe and I talked about worrying...especially in light of all the big unknown changes looming in our near future. It's a sin I've struggled with since college, and maybe even before.

Yeah, that's right. I said sin.

As we talked, Joe gave me this definition:

"To worry is to make an assumption of something that has not happened yet."

So true! When you begin to analyze why worrisome thoughts creep into the back of your mind, it all comes down to assuming that the worst is going to happen in the future. I know I've done it - and written it off as a prayer request, or necessary for preparation, or some other nonsense. Lately, though, as the timeline of our future has been one big question mark, I've been convicted of how much worrying affects me.

I can waste away an entire evening, or even a weekend worrying about a future event. And it doesn't get me any closer to solving a problem that may not even exist in the first place! Time is precious, as the death of my dear friend Kathleen has taught me, and honestly, I don't have any time to waste by fretting! As Matthew 6:27 says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" 

Worry can also skew my perspective. There have been several times in my life that I have joyfully, and naively, looked to the future. I'll be optimistically discussing a future path or decision when a well-meaning friend says, "Well, what if such and such happens?" And suddenly, I'm off kilter. Immediately I begin to grow anxious over that possibility, and try to create an emergency plan in my head for if that occurs. Is my gaze still on my Savior, trusting Him with all the intricacies of our future plan? No. I'm looking inward, hoping that I can come up with a solution to protect me from this future pothole in our plans. In fact, I may be looking so far forward that I forget to live in today! This is why Matthew goes on in verse 34 to say, "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

So what is the solution? Well....I'm not perfect by any means, but Joe summed it up nicely for me. There are two ways we can actively fight against worry:

1. Give everything to the Lord.
This is where prayer comes in, my friends....conversing with our all-knowing Creator is the best way to relieve any worrisome thoughts. How can we fret when we're talking to the One who knows the end from the beginning?

2. Prepare
Yeah, yeah, yeah...it seems like I'm contradicting myself, but preparation in and of itself is not a bad thing! Preparation is an action. Worrying is an emotional hang up, kind of like a skipping CD - you keep turning the same things over and over in your mind, but you never get anywhere with it! Preparation is productive, and leads to things running (hopefully) smoothly.

The key is to do both. If you give it to the Lord, but don't prepare, you can miss out on opportunities the Lord may have for you. Plus, we are called to be stewards of what God has given us, which involves action, not just believing everything will turn out fine. And if you prepare, but don't give it to the Lord, you are relying on your own strength - which gives you a legitimate reason to worry! ;)

I'm the first to admit how difficult this is. I am by nature a planner...which often goes hand in hand with worrying. It's taken me a long time to get to the point that I can give something over to the Lord and trust Him with the result...and I definitely don't do it often enough! It seems that the Lord has been preparing me for some time for adoption in this way. Though I still worry (on a daily basis) about what might happen with a future birthmother, when we'll finally find the screws for the crib, or how quickly our baby will bond to us, I'm learning to lean on my ever faithful Savior, and trust Him with my hopes and dreams of the future.

And I'm better off because of it.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it'." Isaiah 30:21

A Time for Everything...

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven...  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Why is it that life's greatest joys are often accompanied by inexpressible sorrows?

As Joe and I rejoice in the little details of getting ready for our first child, it is coupled with a deadening grief over the recent news of a dear family friend of ours.

To put it succinctly, our friend, Kathleen Olson, has been battling lung cancer (though she's never smoked) for around a year now. The cancer has spread throughout most of her body, and she has been participating in numerous treatments to help alleviate the symptoms she's experienced and hopefully hold the cancer at bay.

Just a week ago (from Sunday) she and her husband led worship at our church in Iowa, but now she has been admitted to a hospice center because of her restlessness and needing more consistent care. Her husband Jeff has been by her side, and her 3 children (12 and under) will be returning from a short trip to the lake that they had over the weekend to get away.

Will you join with me in praying for their family? Here are some specific ways we can be praying:

• Healing - As always, we hope for the miracle of healing, and know that God is able to do all things, according to His infinite wisdom and mercy.
• Wisdom regarding what to do next - if Kathleen should stay in the hospice center, or be moved back home if she is stable enough.
• The Children (Jonathon, Hannah and Laura) as they return home tomorrow. When they left, Kathleen was still at home and able to communicate with them on a small level, but she has deteriorated much while they've been gone. Pray that they won't be frightened, and that the peace of Christ would be near to them. Also pray for all the decisions that will be effecting them in the future.
• Kathleen's parents. They are visiting now, and helping with all of the household chores and other "to do's". Pray for them as they see their daughter suffering, and ultimately, that they might make Christ their Savior.
• My family - My parents have been intricately involved in helping with Kathleen, watching the kids, making meals, cleaning, etc. I know that it's wearing on them emotionally and physically. Pray that they may be strong and a source of encouragement.
• Peace for everyone.

Your prayers mean so much. Thank you.

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth... Psalm 121:1-2

A Conglomeration Happenings

I promised you all an update, and here it is finally!! This is what's been going on in our household over the past few weeks...I've tried to title each separate section so it doesn't seem like a big random run-on post... :)

Honk the Musical
As I mentioned in this post, I helped out with our local school's production of "Honk: A Musical Tale of the Ugly Duckling" at the end of April. And as mentioned, I had a great time doing it, however, what some of you may not have known, is that it caused a bit of a problem with my arms. It turns out that learning 1.5 hours of musical accompaniment (which, by the way, was written in the most difficult keys and had about 5 key changes per song) and getting it polished enough to perform it a little over a month later is a little bit hard on your arms. I was having shooting pain up my arms and into my shoulders, as well as achiness in my hands and wrist, which made playing just a bit difficult. To be honest, it had me completely freaking out. But, praise the Lord, one of my students has a sister who suffered from similar symptoms in the past, and was able to recommend that I soak my arms, alternating between hot and cold water. And though it didn't take away the pain completely, it made it much more bearable. Now they're almost back to normal, for which I am very thankful.

Quincy
We still find our dog to be a joy! (With the exception of the occasional poop accidents in the living room and destroying even the most indestructible of toys) He remains mild-mannered and semi-trained. And sometimes we wonder if he's part cat...

Adoption!! (the most important update of all!)
My last post about our adoption process described it as a bit of a stand still. Well....we have made major progress since then, of which I am overjoyed to share with you!!

Joe and I prayed (and so did many others -- thank you!) that the Lord would lead us to the right decision regarding an adoption agency, changing types of adoption, or moving. And, as always, the Lord came through. :)

A few weeks ago, I was having a "downer" day, and had decided to call around to see if I could find an adoption lawyer who could maybe work with us privately. The first one I talked to highly recommended that we pursue an agency, and then spent a lot of time telling me things that I was already aware of. But he was nice, so I won't hold it against him. :) His recommendation was Catholic Charities, but we just didn't feel good about supporting a Catholic organization. Next on my list was to call Lutheran Social Services, an agency my mom told me she had heard good things about.

From the moment I began talking with Laura, I was hooked. She was so friendly and helpful and WE WERE IN HER SERVICING AREA!!! As she explained the process we would need to go through and how it all works, she mentioned to me that at this point, there were no people on their waiting list. Which is highly unusual since usually they have so many people waiting that they have to draw family names randomly out of a hat to determine who will actually get into the program.

Well. Let's just say that I know why there were no people on the waiting list...cuz my God is THAT BIG, that's why! :)

Needless to say, I set up an appointment to meet with her only 2 days later at their office (which is about 1.5 hours from where we live). It was great. She explained a little more in detail and encouraged us to take our time in making our decision...that it isn't a decision that should be rushed into. I agreed with her, and then commented: "I know you said this shouldn't be rushed into...but we've been waiting and praying about this for a long time...so I know our answer is yes!" And the best part? She was cool with that! We left that day with not only a general packet on adoption, but also a packet of paperwork that needed to be completed, as well as information regarding our homestudy.

And let me tell you. It is a PILE of paperwork. I've been working on it as much as I can since we got it, and I still don't feel like I've made much of a dent in it. Oh well.

At this point, my goal (as unrealistic as it may be) is to get all of our paperwork done (and maybe even our homestudy?!?) by the end of June so that things can start moving forward! Laura told us that the waiting time is usually 12-18 months approximately, but it can be shorter when you're a couple without children.

Score for us! :)

So, once again, we covet your prayers as we push forward! Here are some specific ways you can pray:

• That we don't lose any of the paperwork! I doubt that we will, but I'm super paranoid that this might accidentally happen. Pray that the Lord's angels keep everything together!!
• For clarity of mind in answering the gazillions of questions we have to answer. Some of them are things neither of us have thought through much before, and it's difficult to form an articulate thought on the matter.
• Along that same line, especially pray for Joe. Writing your thoughts clearly is not something Joe has ever enjoyed doing, and it can be a bit of a struggle for him. Pray that he can clearly explain his thoughts and that we avoid conflict as we work at it as a team!
• Pray for guidance in pursuing financial support through grants and scholarships. I know there are many out there, but I'm not sure where to start. Pray for wisdom, please.
• And finally (obviously), pray for the birthmother that we will be in contact with someday. Pray for her salvation and that she might be able to make wise choices for herself and the baby.

Thanks so much, everyone!! :)

Beauty from Pain

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am, at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

--Superchick "Beauty from Pain"

I know I'm behind on posting....but I wanted to share the lyrics to this song. It's been meaning more and more to me lately. Hopefully I'll have a "real" post soon...

He Will Carry Me...

This song has been on my heart and mind today...

He Will Carry Me
by Mark Schultz

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more then I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength
that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength
that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me
through the storm

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength
that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me
He will carry me

A lesson in trusting the Lord.

There are some days when I really need to be reminded that God is in control. And Thursday was one of them. I had spent the afternoon Christmas shopping with a girl from my youth group in a city about an hour away. I had a work Christmas party that night, so time was short and we were in a rush most of the afternoon to make it back in time for the party.

After I got home and was frantically changing into clothes for the party, I came to a dead stop in the middle of my kitchen when I looked down at my left hand. My engagement ring was missing!! As any normal married/engaged woman would do, I FREAKED OUT. I began running around like a chicken with its head cut off, frantically shaking through the clothes I had just changed out of, digging through the garbage and the bags of items I had come home with, and searching the corners of the floor and under hutches and shelving units. I definitely reached my heart rate for the day....

Because of my work party, I only had about 10 minutes to scour the little bit of my house that I had been in since getting home, so, needless to say, I didn't find anything. And decided I'd be better off going to the work party and then coming home to search more. That way I'd avoid being more upset at the party than I would have to be.

After what seemed like an agonizingly long dinner with my co-workers, I hurried home and began the search again. This time digging out my trusty Mag Lite flashlight and searching in every nook and cranny inside, digging through my purse, sweeping the floor, dumping all of my Christmas gifts out on the floor and shaking out the bags they were in, and practically crawling back and forth along our walkway outside (in 5 degree weather), as well as hunting through my car, car trunk, and the ground all around my car. All to no avail. I then called all four of the business that I had shopped in that afternoon, and gave them my phone number and the information regarding my ring. None of them had seen it or had anything turned in. I found myself in tears, terribly upset, and wanting nothing more than to talk to my Mom.

God knew what He was doing when He gave us mothers....she was able to listen to my dreadful story and sympathize with my raging emotions. And she prayed with me. Prayed that the Lord would be glorified through this somehow, and that He would direct us to the ring at just the right time. And that it would be a testimony of how great our God is and that He is in control of every detail of our mundane lives.

I finally decided to go to bed, after talking with my hubby, and he promised to help me look harder in the morning, when it was light out. Then he left for work (he works the night shift). So I was left to my own racing imagination and anxious ponderings of the outcome of my most precious gift of love. So I turned to the Lord. I begged Him to help us find it somehow, but I also asked Him to help me have a good attitude, regardless of the outcome. Even if *gulp* we never did find my oh-so-special ring that carried a hundred memories and was a public declaration of my husband's love and commitment to me. I also spent time focusing on verses such as:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Prov. 3:5-6

and

"It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man."
Psalm 118:8

I also had a song running through my head from when I was a kid. The words to it say,

"When I am afraid I will trust in You, I will trust in You, I will trust in You. When I am afraid I will trust in You, in God whose Word I praise."

I found great comfort in these, and though it wasn't easy, I commited the fate of my ring to the Lord, and restlessly drifted to sleep.

The following morning I was having a rough time getting ready for work without tearing up at the thought of losing my ring for forever, and yet continually telling myself that it was just a material possession and not that important in light of my eternal destiny. As I was wrestling with myself mentally, Joe came home. He walked through the door saying my name in such a way that I knew something had happened. And indeed it had -- he had found my ring!! It's amazing really. After praying about our situation all night at work, he had come home, taken two steps from his car door, and "just happened" to look down at the ground and saw my ring. Amazing. God is soo incredibly good.

And it gets even better...

My mom had prayed about my situation after getting off the phone with me, and she had specifically asked the Lord to show her through what she read in the Bible that night whether or not I would find my ring, all the while feeling a little silly about asking God to do something so bold. So she opened her Bible, and her reading for that night was on the Shepherd and the Lost Sheep, and how he searched for it until He found it (Luke 15:4-7). Coincidence? I think not....God knew. And He led Joe's eyes just to the right spot to find it. And I am forever grateful to Him!!

And I plan on getting my engagement ring and wedding band sautered togehter as soon as possible....

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!