Where the sidewalk ends...

Birthday Fun!

2012-01-27T11:00:00.000-06:00

Happy Friday! I know I've been remiss in posting here lately, but we've had quite the past 2 months! Between Christmas and having all 3 of our birthdays in the same month, we've been going from one birthday party to the next! :) Not that we're complaining...

Anywho, I thought I'd share a few pictures of Lydia's FIRST birthday party (how unbelievable is THAT?!?!) and what we did (so that Auntie Lin can see!!), but Lydia insisted on sharing about her birthday herself. ;) Here's her party in her own words (slightly modified by me, of course )

Hi guys! I had so much fun at my birthday party, my Mommy went to a lot of work to make it special! Earlier in the day we went and got a special birthday balloon. I picked it out myself!! Here's Grandpa being silly with it:

Before my party, I got to talk to my Mama Heather on the phone! She told me Happy Birthday and that she loved me, then she talked to Mommy for a little bit. I was so glad she called!

My Mom made sure we had lots of pretty bird decorations, since I'm her little Tweeter :) The big pink bird was a gift from my Auntie Lin for Christmas! It normally decorates my room, but it was perfect for my party!! My Daddy made the cool windmills as favors for my cousins and my Grandma Lisa bought me the little bird one time when she was visiting!

My mommy decided to make cake pops instead of a regular cake for dessert. I was sleeping when she made them, but I overheard her say that she'd never make them again! :) I thought they were yummy and pretty!

My Grandma Lisa & Grandpa Tony arrived about a half hour before my party began! I gave them lots of hugs and kisses!! Here I am posing with Grandpa...

I had a special birthday banner! It said "lydia is 1!" My mommy made it for me, and I really liked it!! Here I am showing it to you with Grandma Lisa.

Then guests started to arrive!! First was Auntie Fisha, Uncle Mike and my 3 cousins: Jack-Jack, Tanner and Sawyer!

"Hmm...am I almost the same height as you, Jack-Jack??" :)

I love my cousins!!

Meanwhile, my Mommy decided to try to look as cute as I do while sucking my thumb. I don't think she beat me, though, do you??

Then Gramma and Boppa arrived! (For some reason, my Mom didn't get any pictures of them...silly Mommy!!) After everyone sat down, we ate my favorite meal: Grilled Cheese, Mandarin Oranges, and Green Beans! It was soo yummy! Then it was time to open presents! First we took a family picture...

And then I got to open some birthday cards! I read them very carefully...

Then it was present time! And guess what my Gramma gave me?? a CELL PHONE!!! I carry it with me all over the house and didn't want to share it with ANYONE at first! But now I try to share...

Then I got Kanga & Roo from my Grandma Lisa!! I gave it lots of kisses.

But guess what?? My Auntie Fisha and Uncle Mike also gave me a Kangaroo! I guess I love kangaroos!! :) Here I am hugging both of them...

There were lots more presents, but I can't remember them all right now...next thing I knew, they turned off the lights and were all SINGING to me!! I wasn't sure what to think...

And THEN I got my very own cupcake!! I couldn't believe it! I wasn't sure if I was supposed to eat it, so I just touched it at first...

Then I had a little nibble of frosting...hmm....yummy!

And then my Mommy stuck my whole hand in the cupcake!! I laughed so hard!!

I got chocolate ice cream too, and boy was it yummy!! I think I was maybe on a little bit of a sugar high here...

And that was it! After I got cleaned up, I got to play with my toys for a little bit, but I was so exhausted! It was so much fun! I hope you liked the pictures!!

So there you have it! Lydia's version of her party. We had a blast and still can't believe that our BABY is now in the toddler stage! Unbelievable!! :)

The Meeting

2011-11-07T14:38:00.000-06:00

November is National Adoption Month. Obviously, this is something I hope to promote, as adoption is near and dear to my heart.

And, ironically, it "just so happens" to fall during the same month that we will be visiting Lydia's birthmother, affectionately known in our home as "Mama Heather".

This will be the first time we've seen her since the day she was discharged in the hospital and she left Lydia in our arms. Granted, we have talked on the phone several times since then, and we've sent a good amount of pictures and even a photo book to her residence in the past few months, but it's not the same as meeting face to face. The last time she saw Lydia was when she was either 1 or 2 weeks old...I can't remember which, since it was with Lydia's Bridge Care mother and we weren't present.

Am I nervous? Heck, yes! And honestly, I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing. Part of me hopes and prays that Lydia won't cry when Heather holds her (as she's begun to show a little bit more of that "stranger anxiety" lately), and yet a part of me almost wants her to cry...so I feel reassured of my role as her Mother. It's a mix of emotions, and though I feel calm about the meeting, I do find my overactive imagination running away on me sometimes.

As of now, the plan is to meet Heather at a McDonalds near her place of residence at 12:30 on Satrday, and chat and hang out for a while. If it's nice out, maybe we'll visit a park, but otherwise we'll just be visiting together....and hopefully Lydia will be in good spirits. :)

Dear friends, would you please pray? Pray for peace for my anxious mother's heart, and peace for Heather's as well. Pray that Lydia will be in a good mood!! :) Pray that conversation would flow smoothly, and that seeing Lydia in our family would bring healing to Heather's heart, and a joy for her future. Pray that we'd have an opportunity to share the Gospel. These are just a few of the things on my heart.

As always, we are indebted to you all for lifting us up to the throne of grace!! I will definitely post about how the meeting goes! :) Thanks!!

Finalization!!!!!

2011-10-11T21:19:00.000-05:00

I had this post all typed up last week, but then my computer ate it. Kind of like your dog eats your homework...except this is for real!! :) So...here's the info on how our adoption finalization day went!!

Finalization was Friday, Sept. 30th at 10 am. My parents and sister, made a trip up to join us for the momentous occasion, and Joe's parents, sister and her 3 boys accompanied us as well!! First we got ourselves spiffed up, and then took a photo of the girls...

Then we all made our way to our local county courthouse, where our social worker, Laura, and the Honorable Judge James Duvall awaited us. Aside from the fact that Liddy pooped on our way to the courthouse, and we had to do a quick diaper change on the floor of the bathroom, we arrived with 10 minutes to spare (thankfully)!

Laura walked us into the courtroom, and told us to sit up at the defendant's table. She and the rest of our family sat out in the courtroom watching area. As we waited, Liddy enjoyed the echoing sound of her hands slapping the table, which I quickly shushed once Judge Duvall entered.

Waitin' for the Judge...

He greeted us and stated the formalities of our court precedings, and then asked which one of us was going to be taking the stand to testify. He told us we could arm-wrestle for it...hehe...but we had already decided that Joe would be the one. So Joe, lookin' all handsome and spiffy, took the stand, and Judge Duvall proceeded to ask him a few questions. Things like how long we'd been married, if we owned our house, how long Lydia had been living with us, where we both work, and if he understood that we will be taking responsibility for Lydia as her parents for the rest of her life. Then Judge Duvall asked me if I agreed with all his answers, and I nodded.

There were a few more moments of the judge reviewing our request (things like whether the termination of parental rights had been finished and about her name change), and confirming things with Laura. Then he looked at us both and said, "There are a lot of bad things that happen in this courtroom. This is one of the few happy occasions." and then he went on to say, "I would like to be the first to welcome Lydia Joy Kathleen Roemer....I think that calls for a round of applause!" I gulped back tears, grinned and joined in the applause. And I'm pretty sure that the grandma's and auntie were crying too... :)

Once everything was finished, we asked if we could take some pictures with Judge Duvall, as well as with Laura. And they were happy to oblige! :)

Us with Judge Duvall. Liddy looks very underwhelmed... :)

Us with Laura!!

Lots of smiles...and check out Liddy's sneakers! :)

After finalizing (yay!) we went down the hall to order her birth certificate, which went smoothly (except for the moment of panic when I realized I didn't have any checks in my checkbook! Eek!! Thankfully, I found a starter check in the back of my checkbook...though I just found out that they will not accept it, so I have to send another. But still. Minor problem. ). And then we all went to one of our favorite places, Buena Vista Park! It has a gorgeous view of the Mississippi, and we'd never showed it to my family before, so we thought it would be a beautiful spot for a few family pics.

We attempted to get these 2 five-months-apart-cousins to look happy,
but they would have none of it.

The Roemers...family of three!! :) :) :)

Haha...I know Joe looks silly, but I couldn't resist showing how much Liddy
loved her high tops!! :)

Squishy kisses!!!!!!

Weber-Roemer family

Roemer family!!

And that sums up our Finalization day!! Woohoo!! Hopefully posts will be coming more frequently in the future! :)

Seven and Eight

2011-09-19T21:51:00.001-05:00

Yes, yes, I know that Lydia turned 8 months (how is that even POSSIBLE?!?!?) this weekend, and I STILL haven't posted any of her recent milestones!

Well. Here it goes! :)

In the past month and a half, Liddy has really increased the different types of foods she's tried, as well as her ability to be active! The girl is CRAWLING now. Unbelievable!! A whole new world has opened up to her....and she's LOVING it! Unfortunately, this also means that she has to learn what the word "no" means. We're working on it.... ;)

This is the closest thing to her crawling that I've captured on film! :)

I didn't think that Liddy had lost any of her chubbiness in her cheeks until I was looking back at pictures from when she was 4 and 5 months old recently. And she definitely has! I think with all her crawling and endless energy, she's burning off the chubbiness! So sad.... :(

Lydia sort of understands playing peek-a-boo now, and loves to pull the blanket off of her head when you toss it on top of her. She also has mastered kneeling in her crib, and the first thing I see in the morning these days is her little downy head peeking up at me over the crib rail! Ha! :)

Also, she sucks her thumb ALL the time now. I'm hoping she outgrows it eventually so we don't have to teach her that you can't suck your thumb for your whole life! But for now, it's fine. And I must say, she looks ADORABLE with that little thumb in her mouth! :)

See what I mean??

A few days ago, Liddy even pulled herself up to a STANDING position using our small chest where we store our remotes and the coffee table. I was absolutely stunned. I thought it was a fluke, until I saw her do it several more times today!! YIKES!

As well, she had her 6 month pictures taken (though now it's practically time to schedule her 9 month pictures!!) by my wonderful SIL Melissa Laska at MEL Photography. I'll share a few of my favorites from that session, as well as a few other random smiling ones. Enjoy!! :)

Smirk!

My lil' Sweet Pea

In awe :)

Officially Official!

2011-09-13T10:15:00.000-05:00

I am pleased to announce that.......*drum roll please*........on September 30th, we have Lydia's adoption finalization in court!! YAY!!

What this means, essentially, is that her name will officially be changed to Lydia Joy Kathleen Roemer, we will receive a birth certificate with her adopted name on it, and everything will officially be official!!! We are THRILLED to pieces! :) This is our last step in our adoption journey with Lydia, and we look forward to not having to fill out any more forms or have any more social worker visits (though we love Laura!! :) ) or have her referred to by her birth name at the clinic!! Hallelujah!!

Guess it's time to send off our last (FINALLY! Uffda!) adoption payment today! Yippee!!

Half a Year

2011-07-15T16:08:00.000-05:00

This Sunday, my baby turns 6 months old!! How can this be possible? I feel like it was just yesterday that we saw her downy little head peeking out from the hospital blanket as she was placed in our arms. How time flies...

The first time we saw our little girl

I remember when...

....Liddy's whole body would scrunch up when you'd pick her up from her papasan chair...

Here's her scrunched up newborn look! This was the day after we brought her home.

....She still fit into her moses basket...

....We still had the head guard attached to her car seat...

I can't believe how bald she looks here! :)

....Lydia would fall asleep on my shoulder before I even realized she was tired...

....Her vocabulary consisted of soft coo's and hunger cries (she's definitely figured out how to be loud now!)...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's crazy the ways that Lydia is growing and changing! Here are some of the things she's up to these days:

Lydia can roll over! Mainly from her back to her tummy, though we have caught her going from front to back a handful of times. (Unfortunately, this new-found skill means that she wakes herself up often from naps or in the middle of the night from rolling in her sleep! :P)
We started cereal for the first time on July 4th and haven't looked back since. She now eats it for breakfast and lunch and does a pretty good job of keeping it all in her mouth! :)

First time eating cereal!!

Liddy likes to play with toys in her high chair!

Lydia loves her Baby Einstein activity center (she can jump in it and play with toys!) as well as her Jenny jump up. She loves to stand and watch Quincy walk around!

Such a happy girl!

Standing tall!

Speaking of Quincy, I don't think he's ever had such a #1 fan! He is a constant source of entertainment for our Ditty, and she loves to grab his fur and tries to put his nose in her mouth if he's close enough! (Gross!)
Her hair is really starting to thicken up. I'm sure it won't be long before she's got long raven locks! :)
Our "quiet" little girl has definitely found her voice! She loves to blow raspberries (constantly!!) and on certain days loves to squeal and "growl" just to hear her own voice. :) She's also developed what Joe and I refer to as her complaining, where she does a low-pitched vowel sound with furrowed eyebrows....makes us laugh every time!!

Peeking out from the cute sun hat her Gamma gave her!

We're amazed daily at the gift of joy we have in Liddy, and we love watching her learn and grow!!

Our precious gift!

The Ministry of Being a Mommy

2011-07-09T22:11:00.000-05:00

Yes. I realize I haven't posted since May. But....what can I say? I'm a busy mom now! :)

Anywho.

The pastor's wife from my church back home shared this link recently, and it really resonated with me in my new role as "Mommy". It's easy to lose sight of what's important when you're all caught up in doing the dishes, keeping up with the laundry, and figuring out what's for dinner. :)

Enjoy!

4 Months!

2011-05-17T08:30:00.001-05:00

Today my baby turns 4 months old. Is it possible that she's really this old already? One third of the way to being a year old?!?! That's just pure craziness!! Lydia will now have been home with us for as long as she was away from us in Bridge Care! It's kind of an exciting thought for me :)

Anywho....lately Liddy has been wanting to be in a sitting position more often, and she's really starting to be able to hold herself up in her Bumbo chair and reach for toys dangling in front of her! She loves to have her feet massaged with Baby Magic lotion, and is really beginning to follow us throughout the room with her eyes! She definitely seems to notice when we come and go and responds to our voices when we're in groups of people.

I just love her so much. :)

Here are some of her 3 month pictures as promised...though they're now a month old...but better late than never, right? Enjoy!!

(All pictures courtesy of MEL photography)

Doesn't her smile just melt your heart?? :)

"I am SUCH a diva..." :)

Pooped.

This is exhausting...but I guess I'll *try* to smile...

The orange blanket is a special prayer blanket made from my good friend Kelli!

...Beautiful...

Exhausted!

Thank you so much, Melissa for taking all the gorgeous pics! You rock!! :)

My Mother's Day

2011-05-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

I want to thank all my dear friends and family members that wished me a happy Mother's day yesterday - it was very special!! We had a busy day, celebrating Mother's Day at church, then celebrating Joe's Grandma's 83rd birthday, and then celebrating my MIL's birthday in the late afternoon/evening! Lots of celebrating. :)

When I woke up yesterday morning, I immediately thought of how this would be my first Mother's Day with a child in my arms. The last 2 years Joe has done something special for me on Mother's Day, honoring my less recognized role as Mother to the child we lost by miscarriage, and this year was no different. Miscarriages are a strange thing...even though I have no face to put to the baby I loved fiercely for a few weeks, she is still on my mind often. While I was in the shower, I wondered if Joe would just do something "from Lydia" or if he would include Hopie too....and all I have to say is that I have married a very wonderful man. :)

As I ate breakfast (eggs on toast which he made for me - yum!), Joe handed me a card and a vase with 3 flowers in it, a dandelion, a purple flower and a reddish tulip. He told me the dandelion was from Quincy (since he helped it grow ;) ), the purple flower was from Lydia (due to Lydia's character in the Bible), and the tulip was from Hopie. Joe said that the tulip had been broken off it's stem somehow, and was laying on the ground in our yard. It reminded him of Hopie, and he felt like it's life needed to have value, hence it's place in my boquet. It was such a simple and sweet gesture, but it brought tears to my eyes as I ached for Hopie and rejoiced over Lydia being with us.

The rest of the day was busy, but I cherished every moment with my daughter, soaking in her smiles and relishing the fact that I now have a child to celebrate Mother's Day with! Unfortunately, I completely forgot to take pictures of Liddy and I together, so I don't have any pictures to share....but...because I haven't posted pictures on here in eons...I will share a sneak peek at one of Lydia's 3 month pictures, taken recently by my SIL at MEL Photography (if only she had a website!! *hint*hint* ;) ). More will be coming soon!!

My little Liddy Bird!!

Mother's Day

2011-05-05T15:58:00.000-05:00

For the past 4-ish years, Mother's Day has been something that pangs my heart. It only reminded me of what I didn't have, and the loss of my miscarriage 2 years ago.

This year will be different - praise God!

I am looking forward to celebrating Sunday by holding my precious daughter in my arms, kissing her cheeks and enjoying the smell of her skin. I've already told Joe I don't need any gifts -- just holding my Liddy is enough!

And though this Mother's Day will be a time of joyous celebration for us...I can't help but think of Heather.

Last week I created a special mother's day card for her on Shutterfly, using recent pictures of Lydia and writing a little note that was "from Lydia". We included a short greeting as well, thanking her for the gift she's given us and admiring her for her strength, once again.

I had always planned to honor my child's biological mom on Mother's Day, I just never knew how weird it would feel. It definitely wasn't a negative feeling, just kind of surreal. I struggled over what to have Lydia "say" in it, and even what to write myself. I know Heather chose adoption gladly, and was looking to the best interest of Lydia's future...but I still wonder what she will be feeling over the weekend.

If you think of it, would you mind offering up a prayer for her? Just that Sunday would be a special day, and that it wouldn't be filled with sadness, but rather assurance that she's done the right thing, and that her daughter is in good hands.

Have a blessed Mother's Day weekend, friends! :)

Lydia's Story Part V: GOTCHA DAY!!

2011-04-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

After a week of dear friends and family asking when our adoption would be final, today was finally THE DAY. April 27th, 2011...the day Lydia would officially become ours.

Needless to say, there have been a butt-load of prayers going on for our sakes! And a good chunk of them have been coming up from our own home, so Joe and I were anxious to get "the call" today!

AT 10:18 am, my phone FINALLY rang - it was Carrie. The first words out of her mouth were, "I have good news!" Before she had finished her sentence, I was laughing and crying at the same time. "Really?! That's awesome! Praise the Lord!" I gasped, and then smiled so huge I seriously thought my skin would split!

She shared with me how Heather had answered all of the questions well, and the judge was satisfied with her answers. And how, after all this time, Lydia was OFFICIALLY OURS. In the words of Carrie, "I'm so glad we persevered!!"

Amen, sister!

We mailed some pictures of Lydia to Carrie so that Heather could have them immediately following the hearing. Carrie said that Heather loved the pictures, and was also happy to have our portfolio to keep - a special keepsake of who Joe and I were before Lydia entered our lives.

After I hung up with Carrie, I grabbed Liddy out of her moses basket, and started dancing and jumping! I hugged her tight to my chest as tears streamed down my face and just kept whispering, "Thank you God! Praise the Lord! Thank you, Jesus!"

Then I remembered I had to tell Joe! Ha! So I wiped my eyes and ran upstairs, bringing Lydia with me. I woke him up and then said, "It's done! She's ours! Heather did it!" Joe groggily grinned - which is the equivalent of jumping up and down for him :) - and said, "Yaaay!!" Then it was back downstairs to call the grandma's and grandpa's and aunties and text a bazillion friends and update my facebook status and blog of course!! haha :)

So there you have it - we are now, OFFICIALLY, parents!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I don't think I've ever praised God so much!! He is AMAZING!!

"My soul exalts the Lord! And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior!

For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave...

For the Mighty One has done great things for me;

And holy is His name.

And His mercy is upon generation after generation

Toward those who fear Him."

Luke 1:46-50

GOTCHA!

2011-04-27T10:58:00.000-05:00

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!! He has done GREAT and MARVELOUS things!!

We got the call at 10:18 this morning -- LYDIA IS OURS!!!! FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD!!

More details to come!

(The second half of the video below is an example of how Liddy and I were dancing around the living room after we got the call!! ;) )

Just in case you were wondering...

2011-04-26T18:12:00.000-05:00

TOMORROW is the day Heather goes to terminate her parental rights!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

We are anxiously awaiting the results and lifting Heather up in prayer as I'm sure she's nervous about it. Please join us in lifting up tomorrow in prayer -- we'll be sure to post the results as soon as we have news!!

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

2011-04-19T13:53:00.000-05:00

As most of you know, yesterday was Heather's meeting with the guardian ad litem. Carrie called me after their meeting, and let me know that things went really well! Heather was able to answer all of the questions and the guardian ad litem seemed happy with her progress and where she's at.

The Lord worked out some other small details as well - like the fact that the meeting with the guardian ad litem was at the same court house where her termination of parental rights trial will be, so Carrie was able to show Heather the exact court room that she will be in next week! AND....while they were doing that, the judge that is presiding over her case walked by, so Carrie was able to show Heather who her judge was -- so basically, she is as prepared as she can be for next week! Praise the Lord!!

All that's left now is the hearing. April 27th at 9:30 am. I know I sound like a skipping record...but hey! It's a big day!! :) :) And assuming that all goes well, we will get a call next Wed. morning after the hearing to let us know, and then the following day we will meet with Laura to sign some final paperwork and pay the next large chunk of adoption fees. And then...she's ours - FOREVER! And NOBODY can say otherwise!!!! Woooohooooo!!!!! I am SOOO doing a happy dance right now! :)

Thanks again so much for your prayers! I'll keep you posted of how things turn out! Only 8 more days!!!! :)

Half-way there...

2011-04-18T08:00:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to leave a quick update for all you prayer warriors out there!!

First of all...HEATHER WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL ON TUESDAY!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUHHH!!!!!!!!!!

*whew*

Now that I got that out of my system......*insert face splitting grin*...........this means that we are half-way there to having everything finalized with Liddy! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) After talking to Carrie, it sounds like Heather is doing well - and keeping us and the adoption in mind, which is a positive thing for all of us.

Today she will be meeting with the guardian ad litem, who will determine whether or not she is competent enough to make this decision. Please pray that this meeting will go well. The guardian ad litem's opinion of her is huge in regards to her ability to terminate her parental rights. I'm praying that she will properly represent herself, and not have any panic attacks or anything like that.

And then, once that is done, all we have to wait for is the court date on April 27th! Yay! We're getting closer...one step at a time!

Speaking of one step at a time....I can't believe my baby turned 3 months yesterday! How time flies...

Itty Bitty Liddy

2011-04-07T17:49:00.000-05:00

Now that the whirlwind of the last 3 weeks has subsided....I feel like we're finally getting into a little bit of a schedule with Lydia, so I thought I'd share how we're doing as a family so far.

First of all....Lydia is a fantastic baby! We are so incredibly blessed! She is very content most of the time, and has even been sleeping through the night! Wow!

She loves her daddy and will almost immediately smile when she sees him. She's begun to interact with us more when we talk to her, and she'll smile and coo back at us. Soooo fun!! Liddy loves her play mat, and has just begun to bat at the toys dangling above her, as well as study different patterns and colors.

But her favorite thing above all else, is bath time!! She's a little spa girl, and completely relaxes as soon as her body hits the warm water. :)

Smiling Spa Girl! :)

All bundled up in her baby robe! :)

As far as bonding goes.....we are totally and completely bonded. I can't imagine life without her!! She is so perfect in so many ways, and I am loving being a mom even more than I thought was possible! God is sooo good!!

Here's some more "eye candy" for you to feast your eyes on....hope your weekend is beautiful! :)

First Walk! Daddy's so proud :)

Check out this STINKIN' ADORABLE hat that Joe's Aunt Judy made Liddy....it sure keeps her warm in the wind!

This was the outfit she wore for her first Sunday at church. She was adored by everyone!

Gamma snuggles!

Taken just this morning....our lil' cupcake is gettin' big!!

She melts my heart... :)

Update!

2011-04-06T16:35:00.001-05:00

I know many of you have been praying for us as today was the next court date on our checklist of things "to do" before Lydia is officially ours. So here's where we're at...

Yesterday, Carrie called me and let me know that Heather was showing signs of progress - she remembers us and is still positive about the adoption plan. She reeeeally wanted to be in court today to terminate her rights so that we could finalize Liddy's adoption.

BUT...

Unfortunately, she is still not quite to the point of being released yet. She is still in the hospital - though making lots of progress! When I spoke to Carrie, she said that LSS is wanting to hang on for one more month, since Heather is improving, and see if she would be able to terminate her rights so this whole thing could finally be over! I agreed, and so this is the current plan. I'm not sure when the next court date will be, but if Heather is not doing better at that time, THEN things will be handed over to the state and we'll go through whatever rigamarole they have for us. :)

Joe and I believe this is good news, and are praying that she can fully recover and be present at the next court date.

Thank you so so SO much for all your prayers and concerns! We could NEVER do this without the Lord's strength and our AWESOME supportive friends and family! We love you all!!

**I found out today that the next court hearing is 9 am on Wed., April 27th. Please keep Heather's recovery and that date in your prayers!!**

Lydia's Story Part III: Falling In Love

2011-03-19T12:26:00.000-05:00

I've decided to continue sharing Lydia's story...regardless of what the future outcome is! I'll have more updates as to how she's doing soon, but for now, here's Part III! (And if you need a reminder of how Part II ended, as I did, here's where you can find it: Lydia's Story Part II: The Meeting)

Now....where did I leave off? ;) Oh yes, now I remember:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We sat there for what seemed like an eternity, but was really only about 15 minutes. Carrie entered the room again, sat down and said....

"She likes you - and she wants to move forward!" As Carrie smiled at us, joy flooded my soul.

She said yes??? She said yes......SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Really??" I gasped, as tears began to slip down my cheeks again. "Really!" Carrie answered. "You know, I'm a believer too, and I really appreciated everything you said back there about the Lord."

Oh wow oh wow oh wow! I had been praying that the Lord would provide another Christian to walk along side us during the stressful time in the hospital -- and He had answered my prayers!! I began crying even more and grinning at the same time. Carrie also commented on how she had been a little concerned when we mentioned homeschooling, since so many people have a stereotypical view of Christian homeschoolers, but she said that Heather and her aunts liked it that our faith was so important to us and that we had goals for our children's education.

"Do you wanna go in and meet her?" Carrie asked. "Um, YEAH!!" I replied - and then I remembered to ask about bringing in the gift. Carrie agreed that it would be fine to do that, and as I reached for it, I realized we had left our camera in the car! Ahh! Joe ran down to get it, and we waited for him -- I couldn't believe I was going to get to meet this precious little girl!!

When Joe returned, we followed Carrie back into Heather's room. This time she had a little bundle on her lap. As soon as we walked through the door, I realized I had no idea what I was supposed to do! Should I walk over to Heather? Should I reach for the baby or wait for her to be handed to me? Should I sit on the couch? Or would that make me seem indifferent? And why in the world had I not asked Carrie what I should do before we went in there?!?!! So, in a moment inspired only by the Lord, I took a few steps toward Heather, tilted my head and said, "Aww...she's precious!" "You wanna hold her?" Heather asked. "Yes! Please!" I replied, and reached for the sweetness that lay wrapped in a blanket.

That moment still brings tears to my eyes as I think about it now. Looking down at the beautiful baby girl that this woman had brought into the world, and that was going to be my daughter....Wow...no words can describe it. Not even now.

I looked up at Joe, misty-eyed, and saw that he was just as smitten with this little darling as I was. How could my heart be this full of love for someone I had not borne in my own body? How could I be worthy of such a gift? I began to understood just a fraction of the love God has for us, as His own adopted children.

"She's....beautiful..." I breathed, "...you did such a good job, Heather!" She smiled.

At some point I realized that Heather's aunts were still in the room, looking on as we were captivated by this baby girl....their great niece. I suddenly felt guilty for holding her, and asked if they wanted to hold her. "Oh no," they replied, "You enjoy it." and I took them up on their offer!

A little bit later, I realized that we hadn't taken any pictures! Joe and I took some of each other holding the baby, and then I asked Heather if she would like to get in a picture with us. She agreed, and we asked Carrie to take a picture of the four of us. Heather remained on the couch with us after that last picture, and I asked her to open up the gift we had brought for the baby. We laughed as we realized that 0-3 months would be waaaay too big for her at this point! She was such a petite little thing!

Carrie left to talk to some of the nurses, and Heather's aunts left at this point as well. We remained on the couch with Heather, talking more about various situations. During this time, Heather reminded us that the father of her child was Hispanic, and living illegally in our state, and asked if there would be any problem with the fact that the baby was bi-racial. I laughed, "Oh no! Not a problem at all! In fact, we had a hard time deciding whether to choose domestic adoption or international adoption! It won't be a problem at all." Heather also shared with us that she was half Native American Indian, making her baby a quarter Native American Indian. I pictured this little girl running around in the summer with her bronze skin, next to me slathered with sunscreen - and I laughed to myself.

Heather continued to ask us if we had any questions for her, so I asked her what made her chose our portfolio out of the rest. She told us that when she saw we hadn't been able to have children of our own, she knew that she would be giving us a very special gift in her child. Boy was she right.... I also asked her what her favorite color was, just because I couldn't think of any other questions. She said purple was her favorite.

At some point Carrie returned to the room and asked us if we were driving back home that night. I told her that we had booked hotel to stay in if the outcome had been favorable, and that we planned on leaving the following day. Carrie seemed happy with that, and then the CNA that was next to her spoke up, "You can stay here if you want." "What??" I replied. "You can stay here if you want. We have a room open on the birthing floor, it's just one hallway over. You're more than welcome to stay here." I looked at her, stunned. And then I began to cry again. "Really?!?!??" I asked, "that would be...so....so....cool!" She and Carrie laughed as they saw how important it was to me, and shortly after, she led us down to our room. I couldn't believe we would have the opportunity to stay right in the hospital!! God always provides! Now we wouldn't have to spend any extra money on a hotel room, and we could be closer to Heather and the baby!!

The rest of the day was filled with phone calls to our family and friends, more picture taking, and lots of time spent getting to know Heather better and taking turns snuggling the baby. At some point, Heather told us that she had a name picked out for the baby, but she was fine if we decided to change it later. She told us that she had chosen the name "Isabella Lynn", which I thought was beautiful! But Joe and I had hoped to name her ourselves, and since Heather was open to that option, we asked if she'd like to hear some of our name options. When we told her "Lydia", she liked it! And I told her that it was appropriate, since purple was her favorite color, and in the Bible, Lydia was the seller of purple cloth! God sure is good, isn't He?? :) We agreed that we would change her name legally after the adoption was finalized.

That evening, as we headed over to our room in the hospital, Heather told me that if I wanted to be banded I could - then we could have alone time with the baby in our room. At the time, I was exhausted and not thinking clearly, and I assured her that we were ok with just spending time with her in Heather's room, it was no big deal. But after we got back to our room and I started thinking about it, I realized that Heather sent her to the nursery in the night, and I could have the option of giving her the night feedings if I just got banded! Suddenly it became very important to me! I rushed back to Heather's room and apologized for bothering her again, then asked if it would be ok if I was banded and fed Lydia in the night. Heather was comfortable with that, and so I got banded - and at 11pm they wheeled her into our room for her first feeding! We were giddy with excitement. There's just something special about having your baby with you alone for the first time!! We snuggled her, sang to her, and gave her the 20cc's she was drinking at the time. When they came back to get her, I asked the nurse if they would wake me up in the night so I could give her the middle of the night feedings, and they agreed. Unfortunately, though, there was miscommunication between the evening nurses and the night nurses and they never came to wake me up! Of course, I woke up several times in the night, worried that I would miss them! Finally, at 6am, a nurse came in and apologized for the mixup, and brought her in for her next feeding.

Though our original plan had been to head out the next day, the longer we held Lydia and snuggled her, the less we wanted to go home!! We finally decided that it would be best to stay until Heather was discharged, and so Joe called his work and got everything worked out with them. The next few days were filled with snuggling Lydia some more, buying her clothes, chatting with Heather about her future plans and our future relationship with her, and lots of picture taking! We also got to meet Laurie, the bridge care mom who would be watching Lydia for (what we thought would be) a month until everything was finalized.

The night before Heather was to be discharged, I was beginning to feel anxious. How was Heather feeling? Was she upset? Was she scared? What if she changed her mind? Had we done a good job of communicating how much we loved this little girl? What would it be like when she was discharged? Would we be present? Would she place Lydia in my arms or would she leave her in the hospital crib bed? As the questions filled my mind, I kept praying for peace from the Lord - peace and assurance for Heather, and peace and strength for myself, as I knew the next day would not be easy...

To be continued...

And the verdict is...

2011-03-11T12:32:00.013-06:00

(I apologize in advance for not calling or personally emailing more of you with this news, but I think you'll understand when you see the rest of this post! It's just a tad complicated....)

So...yesterday was the court date. Here's what's happened so far:

Birthfather was not present. This is good for us.
Heather was not present either (she's still in the hospital).
A new court date was set for April 6th.

However.....there have been a few interesting twists in the story.

Due to various factors, LSS will no longer be able to be involved with this adoption if Heather is not present in court April 6th. Instead, the state will be taking over, and Lydia will become a ward of the state. Typically, babies are removed from bridge care homes, and placed in state foster care homes when this happens.

But...

We have been given the option of being Lydia's foster care home, starting this Monday. There is still risk involved, as the state could choose to remove her from our home and place her in a different state foster care home, closer to the county that she was born in. But there is a better chance that they will allow her to stay in our home IF Heather is not able to terminate her parental rights on April 6th.

This means that IF the state allows Lydia to stay in our home, that we would have the option of adopting her later (as much as 15 months later), once the parental rights have been severed and everything has been wrapped up. There is a chance that it could be less time than that, but we won't know until we're in the middle of it.

Obviously this is a big decision to make, and we have spent a lot of time in prayer and talking with godly people that we love and respect before arriving at this point. As Joe and I discussed everything, we knew that we had to bring Lydia home. We just can't walk away. That's not how we roll. And honestly, at this point, we're already completely attached to Lydia and view her as our daughter already, so it would be just as hard to have her removed from the bridge care home as it would be to have her taken from our home.

We believe that it is important for Lydia to be in a loving home that is Christ-centered. And whether we get the chance to adopt Lydia in the end or not, this is the best choice for her.

Will it be difficult if things don't work out? Heck yeah!

Awful. Terrifying. Crushing.

But is it worth the risk? Of course!

Please be praying with us as we move forward....the plan is to pick Lydia up Monday afternoon -- finally....she'll be where she's belonged all along!! :)

...Wait...

2011-03-08T17:05:00.000-06:00

Today I received a book in the mail from a friend of ours (Thank you, Karen!!) entitled, "Wait: A Journey to Discovering the Heart of God". It had a poem inside that was exactly what I needed to hear today! I fear I've been grumbling and complaining in my heart a little too much about the amount of waiting I've had to do lately, and this kind of put me in my place. :) I copied it here so that it could be an encouragement to others. Enjoy!

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is Your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to Wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
And He tenderly said "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still...'Wait'."
~Russell Kelfer

Keeping My Chin Up

2011-03-02T10:33:00.000-06:00

Unfortunately, I don't have any exciting updates or news to share today. As far as I know, Heather still has not been released from the hospital. And the birth father has not been in touch with any one since his last call to the court on the 17th - which, from what my social worker's say, is a good thing. Perhaps he won't show next Thursday at the hearing, which would be really great for us!

I've had several people ask me if Heather can be represented at the next hearing. The answer is, unfortunately, no. At this point, she is not stable enough to talk with a guardian ad litem or other representative and communicate to them her adoption choice. Therefore, she can't really be represented. So....unless she stabilizes soon the court date will more than likely be postponed....again. Laura (our social worker) told me that court systems try to be timely in any situation that involves children, so this won't be dragged on indefinitely...it's just questionable as to how long it will last and what the end result will be.

Obviously, this has been quite disappointing to me. I've gone through just about every emotion in the book in the last 2 weeks: outrage, grief, jealousy, indignation, desperation, hopelessness, frustration, wanting to quit, hopefulness, patience, anger, impatience, compassion, urgency, irritation, and resignation.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." ~Lamentations 3:19-26

And even when all of these things don't make sense and just completely tick me off (!), I'm learning to trust in God's sovereignty, and that He does have a plan - though it's obviously not what I thought it was!!

"Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You." Psalm 143:8

It really is amazing how the Lord ministers to you at just the right time. On Monday I was feeling downright crabby about everything going on. Kind of having a "poor-me" attitude, and just griping to God about how unfair all of this was. I didn't want to be thankful. And I certainly didn't feel like being joyful! But then, we had our women's Bible study that night. And what was the topic on? Joy. Ironic, isn't it? The following day, I told myself I'd choose to be joyful about this, thanking Him for the way He's working -- even though it sucks. And, to my surprise, the day was actually a little bit happy! He knew just what I needed to hear.

Likewise, I've had two devotionals really speak to me in the past 2 weeks. I've been reading out of L.B. Cowman's devotional book, "Streams in the Desert". It has a short 1-2 page devotional for each day of the year. Here's one that especially encouraged me:

"Have you prayed and prayed, and waited and waited, and still you see no evidence of an answer? Are you tired of seeing no movement? Are you at the point of giving up?Then perhaps you have not waited in the right way, which removes you from the right place - the place where the Lord can meet you.
    'Wait for it patiently' (Rom. 8:25). Patience eliminates worry. The Lord said He would come, and His promise is equal to His presence. Patience eliminates weeping. Why feel sad and discouraged? He knows your needs better than you do, and His purpose in waiting is to receive more glory through it. Patience eliminates self-works. 'The work of God is this: to believe' (John 6:29), and once you believe, you may know all is well. Patience eliminates all want. Perhaps your desire to receive what you want is stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled.
    Patience eliminates all weakness. Instead of thinking of waiting as being wasted time, realize that God is preparing His resources and strengthening you as well. Patience eliminates all wobbling...God's foundations are steady, and when we have His patience within, we are steady while we wait. Patience yields worship. Sometimes the best part of praiseful waiting is experiencing 'great endurance and patience...joyfully.' (Col. 1:11). While you wait, 'let [all these aspects of] patience have her perfect work' (James 1:4), and you will be greatly enriched.
C.H.P.

And then just yesterday, another page eased my heart:

" 'Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what He has made crooked?' (Ecc. 7:13)
    God often seems to place His children in places of deep difficulty, leading them into a corner from which there is no escape. He creates situations that human judgment, even if consulted, would never allow. Yet the cloudiness of the circumstance itself is used by Him to guide us to the other side. Perhaps this is where you find yourself even now.
    Your situation is filled with uncertainty and is very serious, but it is perfectly right. The reason behind it will more than justify Him who brought you here, for it is a platform from which God will display His almighty grace and power.
    He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it through singing. You will be unable to ever thank God enough for doing exactly what He has done.

We may wait till He explains,
Because we know that Jesus reigns.
It puzzles me; but, Lord, You understandest,
And will one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Your best--
It's very crookedness taught me to cling.
You have fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wand'ring eyes fixed on You,
To make me what I was not, humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love to You.
So I will thank and praise You for this puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing You do hold me worth such testing,
I cling the closer to Your guiding hand."
F.E.M.I.

And finally....a passage from Romans that helps me to keep my chin up even when I'm feeling down:

"The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." ~Romans 8:16-18

I can hope, knowing that I am a daughter of God, and that no matter how awful this trial gets, there will be a glory that surpasses it in the future. Praise the Lord!!

February 17th

2011-02-17T20:17:00.000-06:00

Here are the facts:

Today the LSS attorney went to court, as planned originally. While there, Juan's translator phoned in for him and spoke to the judge/attorney, voicing that Juan wanted to change his mind. However, when the judge/attorney asked to speak to Juan, the translator refused to give him the phone, leading the judge to believe that Juan may not have been with the translator when he called, or may not have known what the translator was even saying. The judge was not impressed, and told the translator that Juan would need to be present in court at the next hearing if he wanted to exercise his parental rights. The new court date is now set for March 10th, 3 weeks away.

Carrie told me that it's good news and bad news. Good news because Juan did not make a good impression on the judge, and now the stakes are set higher for him. Bad news because the judge did not request the paternity test yet, so if Juan does show on March 10th, then we would have to wait again for him to do the paternity test and have another hearing.

As far as Heather is concerned she might be released as soon as tomorrow, but she is still not in stable condition. Please continue to pray for her. Once she is released, Carrie will be meeting with her and letting her know about Juan wanting to claim his parental rights (as she has had no idea up to this point since she was in the hospital when he spoke up). The hope is that she will be able to be present in court on March 10th to terminate her parental rights. We may meet with her in the next 3 weeks also, if it would be beneficial for her to spend some time with us again before the hearing. We'll see how that goes.

Those are the facts.

But this is how I'm feeling:

Today was the day I was supposed to bring my baby home. I had images of us loading Lydia and all her stuff into our vehicle with unexpressible joy in our hearts. I pictured us arriving home and celebrating with our families, and giving Lydia lots of cuddles and kisses before putting her to bed. I looked forward to being done with work and just having it be me and my little girl in the coming weeks ahead.

But none of that happened today.

And it's ripping my heart out.

I know that God has a plan. He has always been faithful to me in the past, and I know that He will be in the future, but right now all I can feel is pain and uncertainty and the unbearable burden of having to WAIT once again. I don't know if I can take it. Knowing that for the next three weeks we will still have absolutely no idea if Lydia will be coming home with us or not. And that there's still the possibility of having to wait AGAIN after March 10th is enough to make me go crazy!

I don't understand how God works. And I don't think I'm supposed to. But it's hard for me to not ask Him why He's doing it this way.

You may have heard the saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle!" And I vehemently disagree with that statement. I think the point is that God does give us more than we can handle...so that we rely on Him!! Why would God give us something that we can handle?? How would we grow? In what ways would our faith be tested to be strong and unyielding if we could "handle" the trials we face? GOD wants to handle my problems for me - and I have definitely reached the end of my strength and ability to deal with this emotional rollercoaster that we're on.

I trust HIM. He will deal with my problems in the perfect way! All I have to do is follow Him and trust Him...even though it usually means walking forward blindly by faith.

Over the past few days I have read the book "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. It tells the story of her marriage to contemporary Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman and how they dealt with the tragic death of their 5 year old daughter 2 years ago. Though her story is very different from mine, she too had to go through the process of letting go of her plans, and allowing God to work out His unique plan for their lives.

Right now, I feel like God is holding my wrist, as I clench my fist in front of Him. He's looking me in the eyes and asking, "Do you trust Me? Do you trust Me to take care of what you're clutching in your hand? Do you trust Me to fulfill the desires of your heart?" And slowly, He pries my fingers open, one by one, and holds onto that very thing I desire most, until the time is right for me to have it.

I don't like it. I'll be honest. But His way is the best way. He is indeed, Faithful.

Here's a link to a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that resonated with my heart today. Enjoy!

UPDATE:

2011-02-16T10:52:00.000-06:00

I talked to Carrie today. Heather is still in the hospital, so the court date will have to be rescheduled tomorrow. :( It should be set up within a month's time, and at the new court hearing an attorney will represent Heather, so it won't necessarily matter if she's been released or not.

Tomorrow we will find out if the birth father puts his words in action and shows up or not. If not, they will notate that, and use it for future reference. If he does show up, then they will ask him to do a paternity test, and there will have to be another court hearing to discuss the results of that.

Ugh.

Please pray that God's will will be done. I knew that a delay was likely, but I was praying for a miracle. Obviously I'm feeling pretty down about it all, so please pray for strength and encouragement for us.

Thanks, everyone!

Calling all prayer warriors!

2011-02-12T19:20:00.000-06:00

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal. ~Isaiah 26:3-4

If you follow me on facebook, you may have noticed that I've stopped posting the days that remain until we bring Lydia home. And there's a reason for that, unfortunately...

On Thursday, Carrie called us and let us know that the birthfather had a translator contact the guardian ad litem for him, stating that he had chosen to change his mind regarding the adoption plan. Obviously, this has caused things to become rather complicated for us.

If that wasn't enough, Heather was also hospitalized earlier this week for post partum depression, and we aren't sure when she will be released yet. If the birthfather had not stepped in at all, we were looking at the possibility of having our court date postponed due to Heather's hospitalization.

The court hearing is still scheduled for this Thursday, the 17th. But obviously we have no idea what will be happening that day, exactly. As it stands, the birthfather is (as far as we know) living here illegally. I think this will affect whatever choices he makes in court (leading to possible deportation or at least arrest), but at this point, we're not exactly sure.

I wanted to let anyone know we may have missed, so you can be praying for us. We need your prayers so badly right now! It's been emotional for us and our families, but we are trusting God's sovereignty and the plan He has for Lydia and our lives.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

Here are some specific prayer requests:

Pray for Heather to recover quickly and be released from the hospital by Monday. She still needs to meet with the guardian ad litem herself (for a required meeting) and if that's not done before the court date, it will have to be postponed (by about a month).
Pray for the birthfather (Juan) to either
a) Realize that he's making a foolish choice, and that he has a better chance of having a relationship with Lydia if he goes forward with the adoption plan.
b) Grow lazy and not follow through with his words. If he is not present in some form at the court hearing on Thursday, he won't have any more options, since he has already signed the consent forms.
c) Be gripped with fear of the law if he moves forward. (Fear of deportation, arrest, etc.)
Pray for Lydia and Laurie, the Bridge Care mom who's taking care of her. Pray that they would be at peace throughout all of this. We chose not to visit Lydia this weekend because we knew our emotions would be easy for her to pick up on, and we want her to not have any added stress.
Pray for us - for peace and strength. So far we have been blessed by the "peace that passes all understanding" that is found only in the Lord Jesus. I have moments of weakness where I fear the worst - but overall we are placing Lydia and our future in God's hands. He knows best.

Thank you for your prayers. Please know that as we have updates, we will share them.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

Lydia's Story Part II: The Meeting

2011-02-09T11:55:00.000-06:00

So...you all liked my cliff-hanger ending to Part I, right?? Well...here goes Part II -- I hope you enjoy it! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The rest of that Sunday night was spent anxiously awaiting for another phone call from Carrie. I kept praying for a safe delivery, for strength for Heather and that things would just go well. The following morning, Monday, Jan. 17th, I went through my normal morning ritual. As I prepared for work, I expected my phone to ring at any second, but it never did. I debated on whether or not I should share the news with my co-workers, since nothing was "for sure" yet. I didn't want to tell them anything - I knew it would be difficult to have to tell them that Heather didn't choose us, or that things didn't work out, and yet, how could I hide my excitement?

I entered the bank as I normally would, greeting my co-workers and checking my normal things. Finally, about half an hour after I got there I said, "I'm going to keep my cell phone in my pocket today. We're having a bit of a "family emergency", so if you see me running to the kitchen, it's just that I got a phone call I have to answer."

Jessi, one of my co-workers looked at me with wide-eyes, "Adoption???" I couldn't prevent a smile from creeping across my face. Immediately she and Mary began pestering me with questions. I held up my hand, "Wait! I don't want to give you a lot of details right now, because nothing is for sure yet." But still, I couldn't keep from smiling. Then the questioning began:

Jessi: How soon would the baby be born?
Me: Soon.
Jessi: Like...in a month?
Me: Um...like....really soon.
Jessi: Like...now???
Me: [smile] Maybe...

And so it went. Jessi and Mary asked me as many questions as they could think of, and I answered them somewhat ambiguously, and some I chose not to answer. At 9:30, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I yanked it out, saw that it was a long distance number, and bolted for the kitchen. I answered my phone nervously, and Carrie greeted me on the other line:

Carrie: Hi, Liz...well...we have a baby!"

My heart leapt with joy.

Carrie: It's a girl...

A grin began spreading across my face.

Carrie: She's only 4 lbs, 12 oz, and has some dark fuzz for hair.

Tearing up, a laugh/sob escaped my mouth.

Carrie: I'm going in to talk with Heather in about an hour and explain to her what's happened with the other family, and to show her your portfolio and ask if she wants to meet you.

Me: Okay...you'll call me back when you're done talking with her to let me know the results?

Carrie: Yes. It shouldn't be any later than noon by the time I get back to you.

And with that, we hung up. I couldn't believe it...a girl!! And so tiny! I immediately called Joe, waking him up to tell him the news. I told him I'd call him back once I heard the news on Heather. Then I called my mom and Joe's mom, hurriedly explaining what had transpired so far, and to please pray!

I walked back to my desk. They looked at me expectedly, waiting for me to share something. Again, I had a stupid grin on my face that I just couldn't get rid of!! I told them that the baby had been born, and Jessi immediately guessed that it was a girl. They started asking more questions and again, I said they'd have to wait, as the social worker was going to talk to the birthmom and find things out.

And again, I waited...

Finally, at about 10:45 or so, my pocket buzzed again. I saw the long distance number and raced back to the kitchen area for the second time that day. "Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

Carrie: Liz? This is Carrie.

Me: Hi Carrie!

Carrie: I just got done talking with Heather, and she is comfortable with moving forward with you.

My heart stopped.

Me: Really? (I think it came out as a bit of a squeak)

Carrie: Yep. She remembered your portfolio, and would like to meet you if that's possible...

My eyes began filling with tears. Could this really be happening?? Finally?? An answer to all our prayers??

Carrie: Do you know when you'd be able to make it over here?

Me: Today! We can leave right now!

Carrie: Well....we are supposed to be having a snow storm this afternoon, so that may not be the best idea. How about tomorrow, Wed. or Thurs?

Me: Tomorrow! We can leave tomorrow morning and be there by 1pm or so.

Carrie: Okay. I'll let Heather know you'll be here around 1pm.

As I hung up with Carrie, I was in a bit of shock. This was actually happening...we were going to be meeting with a birthmother...who'd already had her baby!! Unbelievable!! I quickly called Joe, my voice shaking as I told him "She said yes! We're leaving tomorrow to meet her!" Then I called my Mom and Joe's mom, asking them to pray, and we all shed a few tears. As I walked back out to my desk, I couldn't help but jump for joy - Jessi and Mary saw me and their eyes lit up with excitement for me. I hurriedly explained to them the details that I knew so far, and their faces beamed back at me.

The rest of the day was a blur...all I could think was, "Oh my word. This is actually happening. I can't believe it. Praise God!" I tried to make a list of the things I needed to pack, and tried to think of something to give Heather as a gift, since I knew not many people would probably be giving her much, since she was placing her daughter for adoption.

That night I picked out a gift for Heather - a coffee mug that said, "Free to be Me: 'I am fearfully and wonderfully made'", with the reference from Psalm 139. I also grabbed a travel size lotion and a bottle of shower gel, and planned to buy some chocolates to add to the mix, cuz what woman doesn't like chocolate?? :) I also wrapped a 0-3 month pink outfit with birdies on it, and a soft, fleecey blanket that my Mom had sent with me the previous weekend, hoping that our meeting would go well so that I could give that outfit to the baby girl.

As I packed my things, I tried on outfit after outfit, trying to decide what I would wear to meet Heather. I also called our social worker, who encouraged me and gave me some tips, as well as made a few phone calls to some of my closest friends, letting them know what was happening, and to please be praying for us the following day at around 1pm!! Somehow, I fell asleep that night...and woke up feeling super nervous. We managed to load up the van and left the house on time for once, and began our 4 1/2 hr journey.

And let's just say....I'm very grateful there weren't any cops along the road that day, because I was definitely doing at least 80 mph....hehehe....

Anywho.

About half an hour before we arrived, I began to feel extremely nervous. My hands started sweating and I asked Joe if we could pray, since I felt like my heart was going to explode out of my body. He prayed, and I tried to not let all the worst case scenario's run through my head. We made a quick stop at Walgreens to pick up the chocolate for Heather's gift, and then attempted to find our way to the hospital.

After only 3 wrong turns, we finally we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. As we walked through the front doors, Carrie called Joe's cell and told us where to meet her. We sat down with her in the cafeteria area, and she explained to us what we should expect and asked if we had any questions. I inquired about the gifts, and she said that I could bring Heather's gift in with me, but to hang on to the baby gift until after we talked to her. Carrie told us that Heather wasn't very chatty, and could sometimes be hard to read, which made me even more nervous - I'm terrible with small talk, let alone with someone who holds your future in your hands!!

As we made our way up to the birthing center, my heart pounded in my ears, and I kept praying that God would give us the words to say and that His will would be done. I prayed specifically that if this was not meant to be, that Heather would turn us down so that we'd never meet her precious baby. After we arrived on the third floor, Carrie had us wait in one of the waiting rooms while she went to tell Heather we had arrived. Joe put his arm around me as we waited, and I said, "I am so scared." "Me too." He answered, and we looked at each other, knowing that day could change our lives forever.

Carrie came back to get us, and we followed her into Heather's room. As we entered, Heather was sitting on a rocking chair, looking towards us. Carried introduced us, and I gulped, told myself to smile (because it was either smile or burst into tears!), and stepped towards her, "Hi. Here's a gift for you." I said with a smile. She looked surprised. Then she opened it, commenting on how she liked the body products and the mug. *Phew!*

We sat on the couch across from Heather, with Carrie sitting on a chair kiddy-corner from us. Carrie said that she would have us talk about a few things, and then if there was anything we didn't cover, Heather could ask a few questions from her list at the end. We all agreed. Carrie asked us to begin by talking about our families. At this point, I realized I hadn't really prepped Joe at all....and though he is more than capable of having a conversation with someone, what if he froze and seemed stand-offish?? I gulped again, and offered up a quick prayer for my husband. We both shared about our siblings and parents, and I was so proud of how relaxed and confident Joe seemed. Thank you, Lord!

Next, Carrie asked us to explain how we met. In the middle of explaining how we met in college, there was a knock on the door. Carrie looked surprised, and got up to answer. Two older ladies entered the room -- they were Heather's aunts, coming to visit her. I could tell that Carrie was not expecting visitors, and so she asked Heather if she wanted them to be in the room while we finished talking, or if she'd rather them wait outside until we were done. Heather said, "It's fine. They can be in here." I could tell that's not what Carrie was expecting...but...oh well! So the aunts came in and introduced themselves to us, then sat down to listen to the rest of our meeting.

Talk about intimidating. I was really freaked now!

We finished explaining how we met, and Carrie asked us to talk about our jobs, where we lived and a few other things that I don't remember now. :) Then it was Heather's turn. She asked what our hobbies were, what family traditions we had, what our dog was like, and then she asked about our religious beliefs. I gulped again, sent up a quick prayer and answered, "We're Bible believing Christians. We believe that Jesus died for our sins on the cross so that we would have a way to be with Him for eternity." She seemed content with that, and I didn't take the time to analyze my answer! Then she asked what the schools were like in our area. We described them briefly, and then shared that we had both been homeschooled, and that we hoped to homeschool our children in the future...at least for the first few years. Again, she seemed content with that answer.

Then, she asked us to describe our personalities. Ugh. I hate that question! And I swear that it was on every. single. adoption paper that we filled out! I sighed, and Joe and I laughed as we looked at each other. Carrie laughed too and quipped, "No pressure! It kind of feels like you're in the Miss America pageant or something....you have to have a charming and winsome personality!" We laughed, and then one of the aunts suggested that we describe each other's personality. "That's much easier!" I said, and we laughed again. Then Heather spoke up, and with a completely straight face she said, "Well....you know that your answer to this question determines whether I pick you or not."

*blink* *blink*

My heart stopped, and there was a moment of pure silence, and then Heather began to grin, and we all burst out into nervous laughter. Sheesh! Talk about a terrible time to make a joke!! ;) We described each other's personality, and then Heather asked us if we had any questions for her. I couldn't think of any, and she assured us that if there was anything we wanted to know, that now was the time to ask. I asked her to describe her family life, which she went on to do. After a bit more small talk, Carrie said she'd have us leave the room while she talked with Heather.

She escorted us out and back into the waiting room we had been in before. "I'll go talk to her and I"ll be back." She said, as she slipped back out of the room. We sat down and I just began to bawl. All of my pent up emotions and nervousness came flooding forth and I just cried. "What's the matter?!??" Joe asked nervously, to which I replied, "I don't know! I'm just crying cuz that's what I do!!" Poor guy. He has a bit of a dramatic wife. :)

We sat there for what seemed like an eternity, but was really only about 15 minutes. Carrie entered the room again, sat down and said....

To be continued...

Lydia's Story Part I: The Phone Call

2011-02-03T21:08:00.000-06:00

In exactly TWO WEEKS from today, we will be bringing home our little girl, Lord willing! So I figured today was a good day to start sharing "Lydia's Story..." Enjoy! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Saturday, January 15th. We were in Iowa, visiting my family for a late celebration of my birthday, which was 2 days prior. We were exhausted, due to various family events, and so we had slept in a little that Saturday morning. When I finally roused at about 9am or so, I headed to the bathroom, and while I was in there, I could hear my phone ringing.

"That's odd..." I thought to myself.

I got back to our room and began listening to the voicemail that was left. It started with,

"Hi, this is Carrie, from Lutheran Social Services..."

My heart stopped.

"...I'm calling from our W______ office, and I have a situation with a birthmother here, but things are progressing rather quickly..."

At this point, Joe's eyes flew open, as he could hear what she was saying. We both stared at each other wide-eyed as we continued to listen.

"....Laura [our social worker] gave me permission to call you directly, so if you wouldn't mind calling me back so I can give you a little more information, that would be great. My number is..."

I hurriedly grabbed the notebook by my bed and began scribbling down her phone number. As I hung up the phone, I stared at Joe in disbelief, and then started squealing. And jumping up and down. Because if you know me, that's just what I do. :)

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!! I have to go tell Mom -- wait! We should call her back! Ah! What should we do?!?!?" I screeched. Joe just grinned, and in that split second I decided I needed to call her back to get more information. My hands were practically shaking as I quickly dialed Carrie's number and waited for her response.

One ring....two rings....three rings....finally she answered!

I explained who I was and told her that I had gotten her message. Carrie told me she was expecting another phone call any minute, but that she would start explaining things to me while she waited.

Carrie: Well, I have a birthmother who wasn't due until February 6th, but she went into labor last night...

Um....what?!?!?!

Carrie: ...she was going to - oh! There's my phone call! Can I call you back?

Me: Sure! Sure!!

As we hung up the phone, my eyes were even wider than before - and Joe was too. Oh my word! We sat there frozen for a second or two, and then I burst out, "I have to tell Mom! C'mon! Let's go downstairs and tell Mom!!!"

We raced downstairs and I gushed, "Mom! LSS just called! There's a birthmother in labor!!"

I think Mom's face turned one shade whiter and she started crying, "What?!!??"

I briefly explained what had transpired so far, and we decided to go into the living room to pray. We prayed for the baby that was about to enter this world, for the birthmother's comfort and strength, and for wisdom for us...and then my phone rang. (My ringtone at the time was "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller...how appropriate, eh?)

I leapt to my feet and answered, and Carrie began giving us more information.

It turned out that this birthmother had been planning on adoption for several months. She hadn't wanted to choose a family for her child because it was too overwhelming, but Carrie had encouraged her to look through some portfolio's. She had narrowed it down to our portfolio and one other family's, when she met a family independently from the agency. She liked them. They had adopted recently, and were willing to adopt her baby as well. Carrie began interacting with them, explaining the details of the adoption and the birthmother's medical background, when they suddenly changed their minds. They had just finalized an adoption of their own, and they weren't sure about adopting another child so close in age to the one they had. So they backed out.

However, before Carrie had a chance to explain this to the birthmother, she was admitted to the hospital due to high blood pressure and some contracting, so Carrie hadn't had a chance to explain all this to her yet. Since they were inducing her that morning, she didn't think it was wise to break the news to her until after the labor was over.

Talk about a lot of information to swallow! Carrie asked that we think about it and talk it over and get back to her on our decision. The rest of the morning was spent talking, questioning, wondering, and calling dear friends for wisdom and advice. It was a strange mixture of emotions. My mom put it best by asking me at one point, "So....what are you feeling right now...besides sheer terror??"

Terror was right! In one moment I was petrified of what lay ahead of us, and all the emotions that I'd be facing very shortly, and in the next moment I was ecstatic that we would maybe be meeting our future son or daughter very soon! Needless to say, it was a very emotional and draining day.

But Joe was so strong through it all. From the moment we got the phone call with all the information and I looked at him with questioning eyes, he was in it for the long haul. Even when I asked, "What in the world are we doing? This is CRAZY!" he remained strong and confident, never doubting that this was the answer to our prayers.

By supper time, we had hashed out every possible scenario, and had decided to give Carrie our answer: a solid YES. AsI huddled over my phone at Pizza Hut, waiting for Carrie to answer my call, I wondered if the baby had been born yet. She had been in the hospital 2 days now, and had been induced with petocin, so I expected some news on her progress. We told Carrie we were confident about moving forward, and she seemed glad to have our names to present to the birthmother, whose name we learned was Heather. However, there was no news on the baby front. Carrie told me that the doctors planned to induce Heather for a second time the next morning (Sunday) if she hadn't had the baby overnight, and that she would call me either way on Sunday afternoon to let me know what happened.

We went to bed that night hoping and praying for a safe delivery and for a favorable outcome to this surprise situation. I prayed over and over that if it was not the Lord's will that this situation would fizzle out and we'd all move on with our lives.

The next day at church, we tried to hide our secret...but we ended up sharing our hopes with a few close friends. They were all excited for us, and praying for the best. I nervously checked my phone just before the church service started....no call from Carrie. Then we went to lunch at Panchero's and enjoyed talking and laughing with friends. I checked my phone again....no call from Carrie. We finally went home and packed up our stuff to get ready to leave...no call from Carrie. We departed on our trip, with me ready to jump at my phone's ring at any moment...no call from Carrie. Finally, at around 5pm I couldn't take it anymore! I finally called her from our booth at McDonalds. After I introduced myself, she exclaimed, "Oh! I completely forgot to call you!" Thanks a lot, lady. :) However, there was no more news. Heather was still in labor, and had not moved along very quickly at all. Carrie told us that the next plan was to deliver by c-section if she had not given birth by later that evening. Again, she assured us that she'd call as soon as she knew any information.

And again, we waited....

(To be continued....)

Catch-Up

2011-01-30T20:27:00.000-06:00

I intend to post "Lydia's Story" in the next few days here...but for now, just a quick update will have to do. :) We just got back from another lovely visit with our little girl, and she is doing wonderfully!! She's a little bigger than the last time we saw her, and eating like a champ! She continues to dazzle us with her sleepy smiles, and have the most kissable cheeks in the whole universe. :)

And here's a family pic that Laurie, our Bridge Care mom took for us! :)

Hopefully I'll be back with a nice story for you by the end of the week! :) If you want to feast your eyes on some more pictures of our Liddy Bird, though, check out my Flikr album. :) Enjoy!

The Big Switcheroo

2011-01-23T19:42:00.000-06:00

A week ago from yesterday, our lives changed forever....it was that day that we received a call from Carrie, a social worker for LSS, informing us that there was a birthmom who had chosen us, and she was progressing "rather quickly".
After lots of prayer, discussion, prayer, questioning, prayer and finally hope - we were told that a baby girl was born at 2:13 am, Monday, January 17th. She weighed 4 lbs, 12 oz and was 18 1/2 inches long....and the birthmom wanted to meet us before moving forward.

So, on Tuesday, January 18th, we had the tremendous blessing and opportunity to drive to Milwaukee and meet with this brave birthmom and her baby girl. A few hours after we got there, she gave us the awesome privilege of being the forever family to her precious baby girl...and our hearts haven't been the same since.

Introducing, Lydia Joy Kathleen Roemer!

I'll share more details on our first meeting with Lydia, her birthmom and more in the next week or so, but for now suffice it to say that we are totally and completely in love!! But we won't be able to bring her home until February 17th...the most wonderful day of the entire year!! And we'd appreciate your continued prayers for a smooth adoption finalization, and transition into being parents. :)

Yay!

Right now I am:

2011-01-09T20:04:00.000-06:00

...wondering when we'll get a call from Lutheran Social Services...

...fighting jealousy towards everyone (literally) who is pregnant...

...so grateful for the $6300 we have received in gifts/grants toward our $8000+ amount that we'll need to finalize our adoption. God is so so good...

...comforted by the realization that so many women in the Bible battled with infertility, or waiting to have a child (such as Sarah, Elizabeth, Michal, Ruth, Noah's wife, and so on)...

...wondering how in the world we're going to make everything "work" in the nursery...

...trusting God for His perfect timing...

...trying to avoid a "poor me" mentality...

...praying that we'll have answers soon.

Waiting to Love

2010-12-22T12:59:00.000-06:00

I haven't been posting much on here lately because frankly, there hasn't been much to say. We still have not received any news regarding our adoption process, and sometimes it's difficult to maintain a positive attitude and keep hoping. I called Laura (our social worker) a few weeks ago, hoping that perhaps someone had looked at our portfolio since the last time I called, since we have now been "in the books" for over 4 months. But no one has requested ours yet.

Hearing that put me in a bit of a funk. I was praying for a Christmas miracle, that maybe we would be holding our baby in our arms by Christmas day, which is a mere 3 days away. But I guess that's not in God's plan for right now.

Recently, we received an adoption devotional type book from Show Hope, an adoption organization founded by Steven Curtis Chapman and his family. It couldn't have come at a more perfect time. As I flipped through it, I read the introduction, a few of the intial devotions and some of the fundraising ideas. And then I got to a section entitled, "Lessons from the Wait: Adoptive parents share their experiences and lessons learned from the waiting process". I was intrigued -- could there be something there that would encourage me during this dismal time of waiting? The first entry was written by David and Christine Winters, a couple who had adopted domestically. I'm going to share some of what they had to say below:

    We have two biological daughters but had considered adoption for several years. Finally, we decided to learn and earnestly pray about adopting. A year after our process had begun we received the news that a birthmother had chosen us. They weren't sure of the due date but estimated late April or early May. Of course we were waiting expectantly by mid-April.
    We waited and waited and waited. April passed into May and went on into June with no call. We began to wonder if there was a change of plan, and we became weary of always telling people we had no news. Then on June 10, a Saturday morning, we got the call, loaded the van, and left Missoula, Montana for Seattle. We drove all day, got to the hospital, walked into a room, and they handed us our son. It all happened so fast we even forgot to take our camera with us.
    The Lord stretched us to trust and wait for Him. We were constantly waiting, wondering, doubting at times, and praying. At first our family was so excited; we were guessing what day we thought we'd get the call to go get our son, Isaac. But as the weeks passed we stopped that game. We had to cancel our vacation and lose a deposit; our anniversary got no attention that year, and we made many other changes. However, it came at the Lord's perfect time. We weren't concerned about the waiting once we held our boy. Then, in the hospital, a nurse said the ultrasound had predicted a due date of June 10, the exact day of his birth, but somehow the adoption agency never knew this fact. But we know the Lord knew, and He decided we should wait. We believe the Lord prepared our hearts to love this boy in the midst of the waiting.

What a thought - that the Lord is preparing our hearts right now to love our child...even as we wait. Sometimes life is all about perspective, and there couldn't have been a better time for me to read this.

So as we celebrate our Savior's birth this weekend by giving gifts to loved ones, we will wait patiently until the Lord gives us our own little gift. And in the end we will know that during all this time, He's been preparing our hearts to love our precious child.

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2010-11-10T12:18:00.000-06:00

....a nursery!

We have been blessed by several gifts in the past few months - not only financially, but also materially. Our baby's room is really beginning to come together!

My Mom is getting Grandma fever, I think :)...and she bought us this adorable wall cling with birdies on it! There are 2 pink and 2 blue, so we can adjust them once we know whether it's a boy or a girl! :)

This may not look any different, but our crib finally has sheets and a mattress cover!! Yay! No more bare mattress showing through! :)

Joe's sister graciously gave us her Fisher-Price Papasan chair, as she is no longer needing it. It's in great condition and looks so comfy for our little one someday!

I have recently been signing up on various sites so that I can receive coupons for baby related items: diapers, clothing, formula, bottles, etc. I was shocked a few weeks ago when I received these three samples in the mail, plus several coupons and vouchers for up to $11 off of name brand products! What a blessing! Thankfully they don't expire until February or later, so I'm praying that we become a family of three before then!

And there's even more - though I don't have pictures to show them. Things like bottles, baby spoons, receiving blankets, changing pads, extra crib sheets, towels, and so on. We have been so blessed! Not to mention the financial support we've received from several dear friends....our words could never convey our thankfulness! God is so good :)

And, since I know you're all probably wondering....there hasn't been any more "news" from LSS. We are still waiting to get a phone call. For some reason, the fact that Christmas is around the corner is making me more impatient, but I'm trusting the Lord's timing and waiting for Him to write the ending to this exciting journey. If there's any news, I'll definitely be posting it here!!

Playing Tag

2010-11-03T18:45:00.001-05:00

Has it really been a month and a half since I posted last? Sheesh. Somebody slap my hand!

Thank you. I feel much better now... :)

I promise to have a more adoption-baby related post up soon, but for now I just have something to show up on your blog roll. :)

Daphne, a friend of mine, recently tagged me on her blog, where she answered 8 Questions about herself that someone else had asked her. And now I get to join in the fun!! If I tag you at the end, you have to do a post on your blog and answer the questions listed! Enjoy!!

What is your current job? And is it what you always wanted to do?
I currently have 2 part-time jobs. I work as a bank teller at a small town bank 2 1/2 days a week. Definitely not what I've always wanted to do. I'm the girl who bawled on a weekly basis whenever I had to do Algebra. Math and I do NOT get along. That's why I take care of other people's finances...hehehe....just kidding! :)
My second job is teaching piano and guitar lessons from my home - or at my church. It is not what I wanted to do - at least, not when I was younger, but in college I fell in love with the idea of offering private music lessons, and I've been loving it ever since!
What is one day of your life you wish you could relive?This is a tough one. Probably the day I got married -- it was one of those surreal days where everything was so wonderful and seemed calm (though it really wasn't!), and very special. But....the day that I and others from my church back home played hymns and praise songs in the living room of Kathleen Olson, my dear friend who passed away a few months ago, would be a close second. I wish I had said something more to her before I left - and I would have stayed and played longer.
What brings you joy?Jesus! :) He is the only one who truly brings me joy, though I also find joy through loving and respecting my husband, spending time with family, playing piano, and visiting with old friends.
What three words do you hope people use to describe you?Faithful. Humble. Passionate.
What is the last movie you saw?The Visitor -- and I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would! It definitely has a message regarding immigration, but I enjoyed all the music references and the acting. (And Dad -- it has a djembe in it!! :)
What is the purpose behind your blog?Ha! Good question! I have several purposes with my blog, to stay connected with family, to challenge myself to write more, to share my faith, and to update people on our adoption story. Lately I've been focusing more on the adoption side...since it's the easiest way to keep people updated aside from facebook! :)
Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions?None of my own yet. But some traditions that I enjoy with my family are: pigging out on delicious food all of Thanksgiving day, sticking my fingers in black olives before eating them off my fingers, reflecting on what I'm thankful for (sometimes by making a list, through prayer, or in a conversation with someone else), and going to a movie Thanksgiving afternoon/evening.
What are you most thankful for?There is nothing I am more thankful for than the work that my Savior did on the cross for a stuck-up snob like me. Having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is life-saving, and has changed my life in more ways than I probably even know!

Now it's your turn -- if I tag you here, then you get the wonderful opportunity to answer these questions on your blog and tag someone else!

Tag -- you're it!
1. Josie: Doctor Pistachio
2. Charity: Conidering It All Joy
3. Aimee: Mischievious Meyers
4. Corrie: Freckles...I still got 'em
5. Mom & Dad: Twenty-Five And Counting...

And your questions are:
1. What is one of your fondest childhood memories?
2. What do you love most about your spouse/significant other?
3. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
4. What is your favorite book?
5. Who is someone you look up to, and why?
6. If you had unlimited funds and could plan a dream vacation, where would you go & what would you do?
7. What character traits do you have that are most like your mother? What ones are like your father?
8. What has been the biggest challenge you've faced this year?

Enjoy!!

Rock-a-bye Baby

2010-09-18T18:41:00.000-05:00

Our "nest" is looking more and more ready for a baby birdy to fly in! :) Today Joe tackled the job of locating screws for the crib we've had sitting in the nursery. And now it's finally put together!! My heart skipped for joy when I walked into the baby's room and saw this:

Isn't it beautiful?? :)

You can also see a glimpse of our bassinett on the floor in front of it. I might share more on that in a future post... :) But for now, I'm just content seeing our child's bed completed and ready for him/her to come home!

Now all I need is to find some sheets!

Don't Fret, My Pet

2010-09-14T21:13:00.000-05:00

Worry.

It's something that plagues us all, doesn't it?

This morning Joe and I talked about worrying...especially in light of all the big unknown changes looming in our near future. It's a sin I've struggled with since college, and maybe even before.

Yeah, that's right. I said sin.

As we talked, Joe gave me this definition:

"To worry is to make an assumption of something that has not happened yet."

So true! When you begin to analyze why worrisome thoughts creep into the back of your mind, it all comes down to assuming that the worst is going to happen in the future. I know I've done it - and written it off as a prayer request, or necessary for preparation, or some other nonsense. Lately, though, as the timeline of our future has been one big question mark, I've been convicted of how much worrying affects me.

I can waste away an entire evening, or even a weekend worrying about a future event. And it doesn't get me any closer to solving a problem that may not even exist in the first place! Time is precious, as the death of my dear friend Kathleen has taught me, and honestly, I don't have any time to waste by fretting! As Matthew 6:27 says, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Worry can also skew my perspective. There have been several times in my life that I have joyfully, and naively, looked to the future. I'll be optimistically discussing a future path or decision when a well-meaning friend says, "Well, what if such and such happens?" And suddenly, I'm off kilter. Immediately I begin to grow anxious over that possibility, and try to create an emergency plan in my head for if that occurs. Is my gaze still on my Savior, trusting Him with all the intricacies of our future plan? No. I'm looking inward, hoping that I can come up with a solution to protect me from this future pothole in our plans. In fact, I may be looking so far forward that I forget to live in today! This is why Matthew goes on in verse 34 to say, "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

So what is the solution? Well....I'm not perfect by any means, but Joe summed it up nicely for me. There are two ways we can actively fight against worry:

1. Give everything to the Lord.
This is where prayer comes in, my friends....conversing with our all-knowing Creator is the best way to relieve any worrisome thoughts. How can we fret when we're talking to the One who knows the end from the beginning?

2. Prepare
Yeah, yeah, yeah...it seems like I'm contradicting myself, but preparation in and of itself is not a bad thing! Preparation is an action. Worrying is an emotional hang up, kind of like a skipping CD - you keep turning the same things over and over in your mind, but you never get anywhere with it! Preparation is productive, and leads to things running (hopefully) smoothly.

The key is to do both. If you give it to the Lord, but don't prepare, you can miss out on opportunities the Lord may have for you. Plus, we are called to be stewards of what God has given us, which involves action, not just believing everything will turn out fine. And if you prepare, but don't give it to the Lord, you are relying on your own strength - which gives you a legitimate reason to worry! ;)

I'm the first to admit how difficult this is. I am by nature a planner...which often goes hand in hand with worrying. It's taken me a long time to get to the point that I can give something over to the Lord and trust Him with the result...and I definitely don't do it often enough! It seems that the Lord has been preparing me for some time for adoption in this way. Though I still worry (on a daily basis) about what might happen with a future birthmother, when we'll finally find the screws for the crib, or how quickly our baby will bond to us, I'm learning to lean on my ever faithful Savior, and trust Him with my hopes and dreams of the future.

And I'm better off because of it.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it'." Isaiah 30:21

Preparing the Nest

2010-09-08T12:20:00.000-05:00

Most of you have probably noticed the little adoption countdown I placed at the top of the page. Since we're going with a birdie theme in the nursery, I thought it would be a cute way to represent our waiting period.

And no, we haven't heard anything yet. :)

Though I've had a nagging and urgent feeling since this past weekend that we're going to receive a call any day now. Kind of weird since I haven't felt terribly impatient or anxious since getting all of our stuff turned in to LSS. Who knows, maybe we'll get a call this week! We'll just have to see.

It could also be related to the fact that I did a LOT of housework last weekend. The only way I can describe it is that I feel like I'm nesting. If you know me, you know that I'm not the type who needs to have clean windows, an organized junk drawer, or all the dust bunnies in the house to be vaccuumed up. But that's pretty much how I was over the weekend, and I still feel an urgent sense to clean, well, everything!

Who knows. Maybe there will be some news by the end of this week! Now that would be incredible.... And if we don't hear anything by the end of this month, I'll be checking in with Laura (our social worker) to see if our portfolio has gone out at all. But I would love it if I didn't even have to make that call... :)

Proud Auntie

2010-09-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd take a few moments to brag about my newest nephews, Bodie and Jack :) There couldn't be two more opposite cousins, as you can see from this adorable pic of them with "Milly" below...

Yesterday we spent lots of time at Joe's parents house, and because I'm behind in taking pictures of the family, I snapped a lot of these two cuties. Born 3 months apart, they are getting spoiled rotten everytime they're around any of the aunties, and especially Grandma... :) It's so fun to kiss their little cheeks! It will be so special when our anticipated child gets added to the mix! 3 cousins less than a year apart (Lord willing)...too fun!

And, in conclusion, here's my favorite pic of the day of Bodie being his adorable self - Enjoy!! :)

The Dead, The Wicked, and Hell

2010-09-01T10:26:00.003-05:00

Kinda morbid sounding, eh? Well, it's not what you might think!!

This past weekend, Joe and I went had a much-needed date day in The Cities. And our first stop? The Dead Sea Scrolls...

When we heard that the Dead Sea Scrolls were visiting the Science Museum, we knew we had to go see them! I mean...this is the chance of a lifetime! So, after locating a coupon that saved us $16 (Go me!), we visited the Science Museum to get a peek at the scrolls. Unfortunately, no photography was allowed (to protect the Scrolls from deteriorating too quickly), but we did get to read plenty about the caves they were found in, see lots of artifacts from those same caves, and read more about the history of the Scrolls themselves. I wish we had been able to stay longer - we were slightly rushed to get to the next thing on our agenda - but I'm glad I had the chance to see them.

After finishing up at the Science Museum, we made a mad dash to the Orpheum Theater where we had tickets to see....

"Wicked" is a musical that I've known about since college, and have been dying to see! We tried to go one other time with my parents about a year ago, but the tickets were super expensive, and our seats wouldn't have been that stellar. Joe surprised me a month ago by buying us tickets to FINALLY get to see it LIVE! I was on cloud nine, and believe me, it lived up to everything I'd dreamed it would be! The music was phenomenal and the performance was as stellar as anything on Broadway (not that I've ever seen anything on Broadway... ;) )

Here's a shot of one of the stage decorations:

It would move and the eyes would light up periodically.

Creepy.

And here's us waiting for the show to start!

(I'm not sure why Joe has the deer-in-the-headlights look...)

After the show, we began walking to our dinner reservation, but I had chosen fashion over function earlier in the day, and I was wearing heels.

Oops.

So....after a few blocks of walking (and frantically trying to hold down my skirt as the wind whipped by) and complaining, I talked Joe into stopping at the Target located downtown (How cool is that?). And so I got myself some pretty, yet functional shoes:

See how sparkly they are? :)

It was much better, let me tell ya.

Soon, we arrived at our dinner reservation - Hell's Kitchen (my apologies for the language on the sign...)

I had heard of this place, but never been there before, and Joe was excited about it so we checked it out -- plus it had live music in the evening, so I was totally game! It has quite interesting decor (kind of on the dark and goofy side) and the food is great! We got BBQ pork nachos which come with pickles and coleslaw on top -- might sound strange, but they were addictive!! Joe got a penne pasta with lots of cheese and garlic on it that he loved and I got the BBQ pork sandwhich, though it ended up being a bit too spicy for my taste. And then we got strawberry-vanilla bean cheesecake for dessert.....yumm....

It was a fabulous day, and so special to have that much time to just have fun with my hubby. :)

Home

2010-09-01T10:26:00.000-05:00

I guess I never got another post up here regarding the answers to prayer for Kathleen Olson, though most of you probably already saw my updates on facebook.

Kathleen is now in her true Home, singing praises in the presence of Jesus, and is without pain or worry anymore. Though it's been very difficult emotionally, I am so grateful for this woman of God who put the Lord first in all that she did. She truly has been an inspiration.

And our prayers were answered! Her children managed to arrive in time to see her, and she hung on for almost a full day after that, which I think was good for them. Her husband and kids are doing quite well, considering the circumstances, though they can still use prayer for strength and wisdom for the future and as they find the new "normal".

Thank you for all the prayers! I know they appreciate it.

A Time for Everything...

2010-08-16T19:56:00.001-05:00

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven... Ecclesiastes 3:1

Why is it that life's greatest joys are often accompanied by inexpressible sorrows?

As Joe and I rejoice in the little details of getting ready for our first child, it is coupled with a deadening grief over the recent news of a dear family friend of ours.

To put it succinctly, our friend, Kathleen Olson, has been battling lung cancer (though she's never smoked) for around a year now. The cancer has spread throughout most of her body, and she has been participating in numerous treatments to help alleviate the symptoms she's experienced and hopefully hold the cancer at bay.

Just a week ago (from Sunday) she and her husband led worship at our church in Iowa, but now she has been admitted to a hospice center because of her restlessness and needing more consistent care. Her husband Jeff has been by her side, and her 3 children (12 and under) will be returning from a short trip to the lake that they had over the weekend to get away.

Will you join with me in praying for their family? Here are some specific ways we can be praying:

Healing - As always, we hope for the miracle of healing, and know that God is able to do all things, according to His infinite wisdom and mercy.
Wisdom regarding what to do next - if Kathleen should stay in the hospice center, or be moved back home if she is stable enough.
The Children (Jonathon, Hannah and Laura) as they return home tomorrow. When they left, Kathleen was still at home and able to communicate with them on a small level, but she has deteriorated much while they've been gone. Pray that they won't be frightened, and that the peace of Christ would be near to them. Also pray for all the decisions that will be effecting them in the future.
Kathleen's parents. They are visiting now, and helping with all of the household chores and other "to do's". Pray for them as they see their daughter suffering, and ultimately, that they might make Christ their Savior.
My family - My parents have been intricately involved in helping with Kathleen, watching the kids, making meals, cleaning, etc. I know that it's wearing on them emotionally and physically. Pray that they may be strong and a source of encouragement.
Peace for everyone.

Your prayers mean so much. Thank you.

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth... Psalm 121:1-2

We're Expecting...

2010-07-26T22:22:00.000-05:00

But not in the traditional way.

Today our portfolio (which we finally finished! yay!) officially went "in the books". This means that we could be chosen any day now by a set of birthparents.

Can you say exciting? That doesn't even come close!!!

You have all been such a blessing to us through your encouragement, prayers and support -- thank you!! Here are some ways you can be praying specifically:

Health - for the birthmother and the baby.
Patience - for us as we wait to be matched. I tend to be a worry-wart and a planner, so facing the big unknown is a little out of my comfort zone. Pray that I am able to leave it all in the Lord's hands and trust His timing.
Preparation - We have been blessed with a crib from some family friends, but there is much left to do to prepare! We will not be having a baby shower before our little one's arrival, as that will only intensify the waiting, and we want to wait until everything is finalized. However, I will be buying some diapers, onesies, formula, bottles and a few other baby items beforehand. (And I know that my mom has been picking up baby things at garage sales and the like -- she's an excited Grandma-to-be! :) ) It's all new to us, so wisdom and peace would be great in this area. :)
Finances - Our first big adoption payment has been paid (praise the Lord!), and our second will not be due until the adoption is finalized. We have been so blessed by the generosity of friends (thank you! thank you!! thank you!!!), and we trust that the Lord will provide us with every cent we need along the way. I don't want this to become a source of worry, so again, pray that we can just trust in Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider.
Comfort - for the birthfamily. This is a huge sacrifice and act of love on their part, and it's way harder than anything I've ever faced. Pray for a special measure of comfort, peace and hope for the family. That they wouldn't live a life of regret, but look forward in hope.
Future - there are so many aspects in the future that are unknown...how our relationship with the birth family will be, the hospital time, the time in between the baby's birth and the adoption finalization, how we'll adjust, how the baby will bond to us, and so on! Basically, anything that you can think of -- pray for it! :)

Thank you again for holding us up in prayer! You will indeed be blessed! :)

Home Study

2010-07-10T21:46:00.000-05:00

So I'm sure you're dying to hear how our home study went. That is, those of you that I haven't seen in the past 2 days. :) So here we go...

Laura (our social worker) showed up half an hour early...haha...not intentionally! But it did cause me to run around a little bit like a chicken with my head cut off, but it was all good. When she arrived, we finished up all the little bits of paperwork we had left to do...mostly just giving her what we had already filled out. Joe was at the computer, frantically trying to finish his autobiography so she could take it with her, and she was very understanding of that, which was nice.

After collecting our paperwork, she had me show her around the house, and she just pretty much walked into the rooms to see what it looked like, but she wasn't down on her hands and knees and "inspecting" or anything like that. So....I felt kind of silly doing all the hard work we had to clean our house - but at the same time, I was grateful that it was clean. And it's a huge load off my shoulders since I'd need to clean/organize in the future anyway.

After seeing our house, we sat and chatted for a bit and she asked if we had any questions. One main question we had was whether or not we would be able to adopt privately if someone we knew connected us with a birthmom who happened to live outside of our state. The answer is yes -- in fact, the fees drop considerably and LSS continues to work with us and the agency in the other state to make everything run smoothly. That was very encouraging!

Then, Joe finished his autobiography, and she took it hot off the printer! ;) My fabulous sister-in-law (who took our pictures with Quincy for our portfolio) had finished editing the pics the morning before Laura arrived, and so I was able to go and order prints in town quick so that Laura could take them back with her. I didn't plan on having those done by Friday originally, but it was such a relief to have that part finished!!

Now all that is left is for the rest of our references to be submitted (only 2 left - yea!), mail our finalized "Dear Birthmother Letter", and finish our portfolio (the scrapbook of our lives). Yay!! We're hoping to have all that finished in the next week or two, and then at that point, we will officially be in "the book" for birthmothers to look through. Crazy! And very cool... :)

And, as many people have been asking, here are the long awaited pics of the nursery -- painted and everything! :) Enjoy!!

We plan to have the crib where the fan and basket are now.

And, unfortunately, I think we're going to have to trade the corner bookshelves in for something more space efficient...

See the lovely shag carpet on the floor of the closet?

That's what originally covered ALL of the floor.

Lovely, isn't it?

We hope to get a rug to help muffle sound in the future...

OCD

2010-07-08T23:18:00.000-05:00

I just want to say that I think even my favorite TV star Monk would be pleased with the state our house is in now... Let's just say it's clean. Very clean.

Funny how motivating one little home study can be... :)

Anywho, I will post pictures in the next week, but I just wanted to give a big thank you to my parents who came up and joined the whirlwind of chaos at our house! They did a FANTASTIC job of helping me get organized and helping us accomplish some things.

And my husband is a saint. I can't tell you the amount of work he's done this week. Simply amazing.

There were others too...helping Joe cart brush to the dump, dropping off items at the thrift store for us, lending us their painting supplies...you know who you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you....

So, our big home study is Friday at 2pm, (tomorrow, but since it's already 11:15 pm and most of you won't read this until Friday, consider it today...haha) so if you think of us, pray for us, please. I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm trusting that the Lord will guide our lips. :)

Thanks again!!

A Confession

2010-06-26T16:05:00.000-05:00

So...I got my facts mixed up a bit regarding our education classes this weekend. I thought I had been told that they were parenting education classes...but really, they were adoption information classes, and they were GREAT! :) There were 4 other couples in the class with us, and we were able to turn in another big chunk of our paperwork which was a huge blessing!

Also...the most exciting news....we will be able to have our social worker come and do our homestudy in 2 weeks from now!!! Yahoo!! Originally, I thought we had to complete all of our paperwork before our homestudy could be finished, but apparently not!

So basically, these are the only things we have left to complete before we can be considered a "waiting family":

Proof of house/car insurance coverage.
Joe's autobiography -- thankfully, he will be working less hours next week, so he hopes to finish this up :)
Our letter to the birthmother -- this will be our first impression to any birthmother who comes in wanting to form an adoption plan for her child.
Our portfolio -- a 12 page scrapbook summing up who we are and what our lives are like.
Our homestudy -- which will be done in 2 weeks!!!!!

And that's it! :)

I tell ya, it's absolutely exhilirating...

We had the opportunity to talk to several adoptive families who came in with their kids and shared their stories over the weekend. It's amazing how each one is completely different. I can't wait to see how the Lord orchestrates our story! :)

Other things we discussed in our education classes:

Transracial adoption -- being prepared for inappropriate comments, different types of skin/hair care needs, etc.
What to expect at our first "match meeting" (This is when we meet the birthmother who has chosen us for the first time).
Glimpses of what the process is like emotionally for birthmothers (this was heartwrenching...)
How to talk about adoption with your child.
How to bond with your child and help them adjust to a new home

And so much more...

Needless to say, we are getting very excited -- and scared to death -- as we approach the "waiting" period. The next 2 weeks will be a flurry of activity as we try to clean our house, paint the soon-to-be-baby's room, finish Joe's autobiography, and at least start our portfolio.

Here's how you can be praying:

Persistence - as we try to finish up our paperwork and get things done around our house. As I speak, Joe is tilling up our garden so that our backyard will look presentable (finally....).
Wisdom - as we write our letter to the birthmother and begin our portfolio. Thankfully, I was able to see quite a few portfolio examples, and I think I have a good idea of where to start and what I want to do with ours! But it's a daunting task...
Our vehicle situation - We are still searching for a replacement for Joe's car, though right now, that's not at the top of our list. Even if we don't find one before a baby is placed in our home, that's ok. We trust that the Lord will provide us with what we need, when we need it.
Birthmother/father - As always, we pray for the woman we will have the honor to meet someday. Please pray that she is safe and makes wise choices for herself and her baby.

As always, thank you so much for your prayers! We look forward to telling our baby how many people were praying for him/her someday... :)

Parenting Pointers

2010-06-22T20:24:00.000-05:00

As a part of our adoption process, we are required to attend 2 days of education classes.

In otherwords, 2 days of parenting pointers. :)

Thursday and Friday will be our days of classes, so we'd appreciate your prayers. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I'm actually quite excited about it! We plan to bring another batch of completed paperwork, which means one step closer to our home study! Yippee!!

Here are a few prayer requests:

Specifically, that the Lord provides us with a Christian couple to connect with while we're in our education classes. (Preferably someone close to where we live...but I don't want to be too picky. :) )
Wisdom in answering questions. Neither Joe nor I excel in answering questions when we're put on the spot, and I have a feeling there may be some of that happening this weekend.
Continue to pray for the birthmother who will choose us in the future...that she would be safe and make wise decisions regarding her baby (whether she's pregnant now or not).
Continued wisdom in pursuing adoption grants, etc. Most financial assistance is offered at the completion of a home study. Obviously we're not to this point yet, but I still want to be scoping out the options for the future...

Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers, we appreciate it so much!!

Facebook vs. Blogosphere

2010-06-17T12:42:00.000-05:00

Just trying to get some feedback....as I continue to post adoption updates and other blogs, would you prefer that I have the blogs imported directly to facebook where you can read them there? Or post a link as my facebook status so that you can read it in blogger?

Laundry Lament

2010-06-15T22:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to do a load of laundry, but couldn't find the detergent anywhere! At first I thought I was just looking for the wrong shape -- I'm currently using Purex 3-in-1 laundry sheets, and they come in a box rather than a bottle (It's a laundry sheet that contains detergent as well as fabric softener and transfers from the washing machine to the dryer). After searching for several minutes, I finally asked Joe if he knew where the detergent-sheets had gone. He had no idea either. Confused, I decided to use a detergent sampler that I had received in the mail, since I was buying more detergent later in the week.

About an hour later, when I went to transfer the load from the wash to the dryer, guess what I found?

Only the entire box of laundry sheets....guess that load will be extra clean!! :)

stream of consciousness

2010-06-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

I'm imitating one of my favorite blogger's styles by having a "stream of consciousness" post. All this means is that I have a bunch of random thoughts in my head, and they may or may not make sense when put into words... :) So, here goes!

Regarding our adoption paperwork -- we still have plenty left to do, but I now feel like we've made a lot of headway by finishing all our questionnaires last night! Talk about a burden being lifted! I was so excited we got them done! Everything else seems small in comparison...Now we just have to start tackling our 4 page autobiographies....*gulp* Pray for clear minds - and that I won't be too wordy! I have a bit of a problem with wordiness.... :)

In other news -- Joe's car decided to poop out on us a few weeks ago. We took it to the shop for a routine oil change and asked them to check out a funky noise it was making on the back left side -- turned out it needed $1000 worth of repairs! Between a leaking/thinning gas tank, a bad strut, and a few other things that I can't remember, it all added up to more than the vehicle itself was worth. So....we decided to look for a family vehicle (used) that wil be in our price range, hopefully. We are praying that the Lord guides us to the right vehicle, and that we have the wisdom to know if it's a good buy or not!

Over Memorial Weekend we went to Iron Sharpens Iron, a conference that my alma mater has every year. This year's topic was "The Quest for Holiness", and Joe and I came home encouraged and spurred on in our walks with the Lord. It seemed only appropriate to me that we would be challenged to pursue holiness in our daily lives as we're pursuing adoption. When you think about all the parallels between God adopting us as His children, and us adopting a baby to be our child, you can begin to see the connection....(I hope to do a post on this sometime soon...as it really is mind blowing...)

And I guess I'm giving up on my whole "Fervent Friday" idea...oh well. I tried. :) I'll probably still post song lyrics every now and then, so we'll just take it as it comes. :)

The End. :)

Waist deep

2010-05-25T13:30:00.002-05:00

A lot of people have been asking us how our adoption process is going lately, and we're always excited to share what's going on! Currently, we are still waist deep in the paperwork process. This week we plan to send out all the papers we have completed so far, as well as our application fee. I think it will help me feel like we've made a dent in some of our paperwork when it's not all still stuffed in our folder! :)

In addition to signing our name a million times, getting physicals done, and deciding who to put down as our references, a chunk of our time has been devoted to answering questions - about everything.

My mom and I were talking about some of the questions recently and how strange it is to have to explain to someone your philosophy on parenting and how you plan to raise your children before you can be "approved" or chosen to be a parent. Especially in today's society, where so many people become parents without much of a plan beforehand. It's surreal, really...and difficult to explain unless you've gone through the process yourself. Even answering a simple question can be deeply analyzed - Will this be taken the wrong way? Will we not be chosen by a birthmother if we put down that we believe that spanking is an appropriate form of punishment? Do they even know what an AWANA program is? Should I describe myself in mostly positive terms or some negative terms too? And how do I do all of this without going crazy?!?!

So, to help some of you who may wonder what kinds of questions are asked when you go to adopt, I've included a "short" list below. :) How would you answer these questions?

What is your motivation for adoption?
What are your attitudes toward birthparents?
What are your strengths/weaknesses?
How would you describe yourself?
What attracted you to your spouse?
What are the strengths that you bring to your marriage? What are the strengths your spouse brings to the marriage?
Describe your roles in the marriage. Who assumes responsibility for what?
What are the areas of your marriage that need the greatest amoung of attention?
What experiences have you had that will prepare you for parenting?
What are the expectations and values you have for your children?
Describe characteristics of an ideal home environment.
What form of discipline do you use or expect to use?
Are there any circumstances where you feel that physical discipline is appropriate? If so, under what circumstances?
How will you talk with your child about adoption?
What faith do you plan to raise your children?

And these were just on the general questionnaire!! There are 2 additional questionnaires to fill out if you are open to adopting a child of a different race. Maybe I'll include some of those questions on a diferent post...

A Joyful Heart is Good Medicine

2010-05-23T21:41:00.000-05:00

One of the best (and worst) things about adopting is hearing comments from different people. So far we've been blessed with mostly positive comments, which I am very thankful for! I thought I'd share one that particularly stuck out to me the other day...

Recently I made the mistake of filling out an online survey saying that I was possibly interested in pursuing more education some day. I wasn't being very serious when I took the survey, and didn't think that it would result in anything!

Well, it turns out that they do take that seriously. I received phone calls about 6 times a day from different schools trying to talk me into entering their program. For a while I was ignoring any calls I didn't recognize, but then I finally decided that I'd just talk to them and tell them I wasn't interested anymore. Usually, the spiel went something like this:

College Counselor Person: I'm calling from such-and-such a college and we saw that you recently filled out a survey indicating that you are interested in our so-and-so program, is that correct?

Me: Well, I was only slightly interested at the time that I filled out the survey, but right now I don't think it's going to work because we are pursuing adoption and I won't have the time or money for schooling.

College Counselor Person: Oh, I see. Well, if you ever decide to further your education, please keep such-and-such a college in mind for your future. Thank you so much. Goodbye.

To be honest, I was surprised that it usually went so quickly! But yesterday's conversation had a joyful twist....

When I mentioned that we were pursuing adoption, instead of giving me the generic "Oh, I see" answer, he exclaimed, "That's great! Congratulations!" And then went on to ask if we were adopting an infant and if it would be a boy or girl. I chatted with him for a bit and before he said goodbye he encouraged me to keep things as open as possible and said that he was very happy for us and wished us the best.

It was such an unexpected blessing in my day to have this complete stranger be excited for us...and it really put a smile on my face and on Joe's when I shared it with him!

A Conglomeration Happenings

2010-05-16T22:11:00.000-05:00

I promised you all an update, and here it is finally!! This is what's been going on in our household over the past few weeks...I've tried to title each separate section so it doesn't seem like a big random run-on post... :)

Honk the Musical
As I mentioned in this post, I helped out with our local school's production of "Honk: A Musical Tale of the Ugly Duckling" at the end of April. And as mentioned, I had a great time doing it, however, what some of you may not have known, is that it caused a bit of a problem with my arms. It turns out that learning 1.5 hours of musical accompaniment (which, by the way, was written in the most difficult keys and had about 5 key changes per song) and getting it polished enough to perform it a little over a month later is a little bit hard on your arms. I was having shooting pain up my arms and into my shoulders, as well as achiness in my hands and wrist, which made playing just a bit difficult. To be honest, it had me completely freaking out. But, praise the Lord, one of my students has a sister who suffered from similar symptoms in the past, and was able to recommend that I soak my arms, alternating between hot and cold water. And though it didn't take away the pain completely, it made it much more bearable. Now they're almost back to normal, for which I am very thankful.

Quincy
We still find our dog to be a joy! (With the exception of the occasional poop accidents in the living room and destroying even the most indestructible of toys) He remains mild-mannered and semi-trained. And sometimes we wonder if he's part cat...

Adoption!! (the most important update of all!)
My last post about our adoption process described it as a bit of a stand still. Well....we have made major progress since then, of which I am overjoyed to share with you!!

Joe and I prayed (and so did many others -- thank you!) that the Lord would lead us to the right decision regarding an adoption agency, changing types of adoption, or moving. And, as always, the Lord came through. :)

A few weeks ago, I was having a "downer" day, and had decided to call around to see if I could find an adoption lawyer who could maybe work with us privately. The first one I talked to highly recommended that we pursue an agency, and then spent a lot of time telling me things that I was already aware of. But he was nice, so I won't hold it against him. :) His recommendation was Catholic Charities, but we just didn't feel good about supporting a Catholic organization. Next on my list was to call Lutheran Social Services, an agency my mom told me she had heard good things about.

From the moment I began talking with Laura, I was hooked. She was so friendly and helpful and WE WERE IN HER SERVICING AREA!!! As she explained the process we would need to go through and how it all works, she mentioned to me that at this point, there were no people on their waiting list. Which is highly unusual since usually they have so many people waiting that they have to draw family names randomly out of a hat to determine who will actually get into the program.

Well. Let's just say that I know why there were no people on the waiting list...cuz my God is THAT BIG, that's why! :)

Needless to say, I set up an appointment to meet with her only 2 days later at their office (which is about 1.5 hours from where we live). It was great. She explained a little more in detail and encouraged us to take our time in making our decision...that it isn't a decision that should be rushed into. I agreed with her, and then commented: "I know you said this shouldn't be rushed into...but we've been waiting and praying about this for a long time...so I know our answer is yes!" And the best part? She was cool with that! We left that day with not only a general packet on adoption, but also a packet of paperwork that needed to be completed, as well as information regarding our homestudy.

And let me tell you. It is a PILE of paperwork. I've been working on it as much as I can since we got it, and I still don't feel like I've made much of a dent in it. Oh well.

At this point, my goal (as unrealistic as it may be) is to get all of our paperwork done (and maybe even our homestudy?!?) by the end of June so that things can start moving forward! Laura told us that the waiting time is usually 12-18 months approximately, but it can be shorter when you're a couple without children.

Score for us! :)

So, once again, we covet your prayers as we push forward! Here are some specific ways you can pray:

That we don't lose any of the paperwork! I doubt that we will, but I'm super paranoid that this might accidentally happen. Pray that the Lord's angels keep everything together!!
For clarity of mind in answering the gazillions of questions we have to answer. Some of them are things neither of us have thought through much before, and it's difficult to form an articulate thought on the matter.
Along that same line, especially pray for Joe. Writing your thoughts clearly is not something Joe has ever enjoyed doing, and it can be a bit of a struggle for him. Pray that he can clearly explain his thoughts and that we avoid conflict as we work at it as a team!
Pray for guidance in pursuing financial support through grants and scholarships. I know there are many out there, but I'm not sure where to start. Pray for wisdom, please.
And finally (obviously), pray for the birthmother that we will be in contact with someday. Pray for her salvation and that she might be able to make wise choices for herself and the baby.

Thanks so much, everyone!! :)

I'm baaaaack!! :)

2010-05-07T09:00:00.004-05:00

Whoops...this never posted yesterday like it was SUPPOSED to. Sorry about that!!

Well, the high school production of "Honk" that I was involved in is now done. And though I had a great time participating and meeting new people, I'm very thankful that it's over now! Lots of time....lots of stress...but well worth it! :)

Anywho. I'll have more of an update post coming soon...but since today is Friday, I thought I'd get back into my Fervent Friday posting. I came across a video of a Sovereign Grace song called "The Prodigal" - not at all what I was planning on posting this Friday...but it moved me so much by watching it that I wanted to share it with you here. (I first saw it over at Bob Kauflin's worship blog)

Enjoy!

Fervent Friday

2010-03-26T17:48:00.000-05:00

I've been a little busy lately, in case you couldn't come from my lack of posting on any day other than a Friday... :) For those of you who don't know, I was asked to accompany for the high school's spring musical, ("Honk") and the rehearsals and my private practicing is taking up ALL of my time. :) At least it's fun!

Today's song reminds me of how important it is to rely on Him to get me through each and every day, no matter how crazy my schedule is. Enjoy! :)

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
I need Thee every hour; Lord, teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

Fervent Friday

2010-03-19T09:00:00.001-05:00

Today's song is a classic old hymn that we sing frequently at our church. But Caedmon's Call recorded this song in a way that sounds more upbeat and yet full of longing....it's one of my favorites. Enjoy! :)

I am Thine, oh Lord,
I have heard Your voice
And it told Your love to me.
But I long to rise in the arms of faith
And be closer drawn to Thee.

Draw me nearer,
To the cross where Thou hast died.
Draw me nearer,
To Your precious bleeding side.
Draw me nearer...
There are great depths of love that I cannot know
'Till I cross the narrow sea.
There are heights of joy that I may not reach
Til I rest in peace with Thee.

Draw me nearer,
To the cross where Thou hast died.
Draw me nearer,
To Your precious bleeding side.
Draw me nearer...

You draw me with Your mercy,
You draw me with Your love,
You draw me with forgiveness by Your blood.
You draw me with compassion,
You draw me as a bride,
You draw me closer to Your precious side.

Consecrate me now to Your service, Lord,
By the Power of grace divine.
Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope
And my will be lost in Thine.

Draw me nearer,
To the cross where Thou hast died.
Draw me nearer,
To Your precious bleeding side.
Draw me nearer...
-Caedmon's Call-

Perplexed

2010-03-10T18:23:00.000-06:00

Have you ever prayed for God to make a foggy decision more clear?

Have you ever been impatient with God for taking "forever" when it's really only been a few days?

Have you ever had God answer your prayer, but not in the way you want?

Have you ever blamed people for the outcome of a situation, rather than looking at it as God's direction?

I've done all of these things...just today, as a matter of fact. As you all know, we've been pursuing adoption and all the decisions that it requires. After much deliberation and prayer, we had finally decided on Bethany Christian Services and going the route of domestic adoption.

Well.

That may have changed today.

To make a long story short, because of us living on the border of MN and WI, we can't go to the office that is closer to us (in MN) because you have to go to the office of the state you reside in. Except that the WI office won't accept us because we live too far away. (They do make exceptions in the case of international adoptions, in which case a social worker travels to do some of the work.)

So...are you confused yet?

At this point, it appears that we need to switch agencies - or switch programs. Or maybe God wants us to do something completely different and out of our comfort zone - who knows!

In addition to this, we've been toying with the idea of moving back across the border into MN, since we will probably be needing a larger home in the future anyway.

That makes 2 major life-changing decisions, in case you weren't counting.

Which brings up the question - should we switch agencies if we're going to be moving to MN and can work with Bethany Christian Services then? And if we wait until we move...how long will that take? And am I willing to prolong this process more than necessary? And can I handle putting my house up for sale and adopting a child at the same time??

So, with all that said, will you please pray for us?

Pray that we are willing to seek God's plan, not our own.
Pray for patience -- as much as I hate to ask for it, because we all know that means the Lord will give us things to be patient about! :)
Pray that some of our questions can be answered -- as far as possibly putting our house for sale, and all the details.
Pray for us to not be discouraged by a closed door, but to rejoice in the fact that the Lord is leading us along the path He has for us.
Continue to pray for our future child and our relationship with the birth family.

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

Puppy's Plight

2010-03-08T22:52:00.001-06:00

Well.

Any guesses on what happened here?? (The title is a clue...)

Fervent Friday

2010-03-05T09:00:00.001-06:00

Today's song choice has been in my head and heart a lot lately with all of our adoption plans.

And speaking of adoption plans...let me give a little update. :)

We finally made up our mind on which type of adoption to pursue. (If you're not sure what I'm talking about, check out this post of mine) And that choice is........domestic! Though we both want to adopt internationally someday, logistically, domestic is the best choice for us for right now.

However, we did find out that the Bethany Christian Services office 2 hours away from us will be unable to service us because it is not in the state we live in. And our state has more requirements.

Cuz they're all nice like that. :)

We will continue to work with them, though, it will just involve a 4.5 hour drive every now and then. :) Last night, Joe and I filled out our preliminary application, so hopefully things will begin to pick up!

Can you tell I'm a little anxious and impatient? And it's only the beginning....there will be much more waiting to come.

Hence today's song choice. And it's even in video form to please all those visual learners out there. :) Enjoy!!

Fervent Friday

2010-02-26T08:00:00.002-06:00

Today I want to share the lyrics to a song that have been in my head all week. I'm sure it has something to do with going to our adoption meeting last week and feeling a little anxious about all the big decisions looming ahead of us. It's a wonderful thing to know that I can trust completely in my Maker. The One who is in control of the HUGE things like gravity, placement of stars and nations, is also looking after little ol' me.

What a wondrous thought!

This is off the album "Come Weary Saints", put out by *Sovereign Grace Ministries. If you'd like to hear how it sounds, you can listen to a portion of it here.

*If you haven't looked into Sovereign Grace's ministry or their music - check it out! It's solid stuff.

"So I Will Trust You"
Almighty Maker, Universe Shaper
You put the stars into space
Yet You descneded, You have befriended
Those who have hated Your name, just like me

King of Glory, I know You love me
So I will trust You, yes I will trust You.
God Almighty, You have saved me,
So I will trust You, yes I will trust in You

Lord over nations, King of creation,
Heaven and earth bow to You.
I am Your child, I've been reconciled
With tender affection You drew me to You

King of Glory, I know You love me
So I will trust You, yes I will trust You.
God Almighty, You have saved me,
So I will trust You, yes I will trust in You

How could I not trust my King,
The One who has formed me and shaped me.
I will rejoice and will sing
For the One who has made me has saved me

King of Glory, I know You love me
So I will trust You, yes I will trust You.
God Almighty, You have saved me,
So I will trust You, yes I will trust in You

The thrill of the hunt

2010-02-24T12:24:00.000-06:00

If there's one thing that gets my heart pumping, it's getting a good bargain. I often come home from shopping with my coupons only to exclaim to Joe, "Guess how much I spent on this?!", and then continue to wax on about what a great deal it was, or how I could use double coupons or whatever.

Yes, I'm a nerd. But hey! It saves us money!

Anywho...

With spring around the corner, my mind has turned to the thoughts of garage sales. I have fond memories of going garage sale-ing with my mom or grandparents through most of my childhood and adolescence. You never know what you'll find! In fact, some major household items in our home were bought at a garage sale (our kitchen table, chest freezer, etc).

In our area, the month of May is every garage-sale-lover's dream come true. 100 miles of garage sales...all on the same weekend! It is because of this amazing ritual that I rarely go bargain hunting throughout the summer. I can get it all done in one weekend! :)

And now on to the real point of this post...

In past years, whether I'm hosting a garage sale or going to one, I have always noticed the tables upon tables of baby clothes, booties and other accessories, not to mention like-new cribs, swings, walkers, toys, books, etc. etc.

And yesterday, I realized that this will be the first year I can actually look for some of that stuff.

*Insert face-splitting grin*

I can't wait!

Fervent Friday

2010-02-19T10:00:00.001-06:00

Starting today, each Friday I will be sharing the lyrics from a favorite song or hymn of mine. I've decided to name it "Fervent Friday". (I thought everyone's suggestions on facebook and here were great! I just ended up choosing something completely different. :) Hope you all understand!!)

fervent - adjective

having or showing great warmth or intensity of spirit, feeling, enthusiasm, etc.; ardent: a fervent admirer; a fervent plea
hot, burning, glowing

I know that by the end of the week I am often worn out and looking forward to the weekend - to rest and relaxation! I often don't want to clean my house, read my Bible or start gathering the info for our taxes (yikes!) on that day just because I want to be lazy. However, our love for the Savior and desire to please Him should never fade or die, but should be intense, fiery, fervent. (Hence the title. :) )

Music often inspires me in a way that not much else can, and sometimes simple lyrics put to a beautiful tune can set my heart aright on a terrible day. So, to kick-off Friday, here's a hymn that I grew to love while in college. I remember singing it during our morning chapel time and it soon became a favorite during our periodic evening hymn-sings. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Spirit of God, descend upon my heart;
Wean it from earth, through all its pulses move;
Stoop to my weakness, mighty as Thou art,
And make me love Thee as I ought to love.

Hast Thou not bid us love Thee, God and King?
All, all thine own, soul, heart and strength and mind;
I see Thy cross there teach my heart to cling:
O let me seek Thee, and O let me find.

Teach me to feel that Thou art always nigh;
Teach me the struggles of the soul to bear,
To check the rising doubt, the rebel sigh;
Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.

Teach me to love Thee as Thine angels love,
One holy passion filling all my frame;
The baptism of the heav'n-descended Dove,
My heart an altar, and Thy love the flame.

Written by George Croly

"Red and Yellow, Black and White...

2010-02-18T23:26:00.000-06:00

...they are precious in His sight - Jesus loves the little children of the world!"

Tonight, Joe and I went to an adoption meeting. It was so incredible, emotional, and inspiring I can hardly express it all here! The meeting was sponsored by Bethany Christian Services, an adoption agency we've become acquainted with through a family at our church.

I've been hesitant to talk about it much, only because there was some confusion about state-to-state issues for us, but it sounds like these will be able to be worked through. Yippy! Baby, here we come!

We heard information on both domestic (within the U.S.) and international (outside of the U.S., obviously) adoption. Aside from almost bursting into tears several times (I just can't believe we're actually going to be doing this!!), I felt both elated and terrified. (It's such a strange thought to think about possibly choosing your own child...) Joe and I are open to either kind of adoption....we just need to pick one and go with it.

Unfortunately, Joe and I suck at making decisions.

But our future family is at stake here -- so make a decision we will!! If you think of it, would you mind praying for us? Here are some specific prayer requests as we enter this new journey:

Wisdom to know which form of adoption would be the best for us to pursue. There are so many pro's and con's to both types that it's a bit mind boggling! The decision is made even more difficult by the fact that we would love to do either and/or both kinds of adoption some day. So which one do we start with?
Diligence on our part in filling out applications and forms and staying on top of things. I've felt terribly slothful lately, but I don't want to waste time as we enter this new phase, especially since we'll be doing a lot of waiting as it is.
The birthmother and our future child. While we don't know whether our child is even conceived yet, we do want to pray that he/she is able to grow up healthy and is able to bond to us when we become their forever family. As well, we want to be in prayer for the birthmother (whether she is pregnant yet or not) that she would have the strength to do what's best for her child and that she might have someone to come alongside her to help her through this.

Thank you so much! I plan to update on our adoption status periodically, so you can be watching for more related posts!

Poll the Audience

2010-02-05T09:00:00.001-06:00

I've been contemplating a weekly "scheduled" blog post. But I need some help. I can't decide what to call it! :) I'm hoping that having something scheduled each week will "force" me to post more regularly...but we'll see how that goes. Ha! :)

Anywho...my goal is to share some song lyrics at least once a week...either those that have touched my heart, some that have rich theology, or maybe just a few of my favorites. I might even get risky and try to post some music videos of some of them...but we'll see how ambitious I get. :)

So here are my ideas so far...but I'll admit, I don't really like any of them. They're all kinda cheesy. But if one of you particularly likes one, or even better, has a suggestion(!) then by all means, let me know in the comments!! Here goes:

Music-lover's Mondays
Tuneful Tuesdays/Thursdays
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus (again for a Tuesday or Thursday)
Worshipful Wednesdays
Faithful Fridays
Forte Fridays
Fridays are for Fermatas

Happy brainstorming! :)

Doing what God wants

2010-02-02T23:16:00.001-06:00

Tonight, Joe and I watched "Julie & Julia", a really sweet movie about Julia Child. At one point in the movie, Julia Child receives a letter from her sister, who has just found out that she's pregnant. Though Julia tries to stay strong, she breaks down into tears over the unfairness of it all as her husband holds her in his arms. She exclaims, "I'm so happy for her!" yet her body shakes with sobs.

I couldn't help but know exactly how that felt. In fact, as Joe glanced at me to make sure I was doing ok, I looked back at him and said, "I know how that feels. It sucks."

Have I mentioned that both of my sister-in-law's are pregnant?

Well, you can imagine that I reacted the exact same way as Julia did.

It has now been 2 1/2 years since we went off of birth control and began to actually try to have a family. One miscarriage later, we're still waiting. And though it's painful and "sucks", I don't expect the world to stop turning just because I can't have the baby I so desperately long for. People will continue to get pregnant. People will continue to have babies. Lots of them. And that's ok. This is where God has me, and it's His perfect plan for me.

Joe and I recently began reading the book "Just Do Something" by Kevin DeYoung. It has been challenging my perception of God's will, and reaffirming the fact that all of the things that have happened in the last year have had a purpose.

As Kevin talked about I Thessalonians 4:3 ("For this is the will of God, your sanctification."), I began to feel joy creep into my heart. Here's what he wrote:

"He [God] wants you to buy a house that will make you holy. If you marry, He wants you to get married so you can be holy. He wants you to have a job that will help you grow in holiness. Count on it: God's will is always your sanctification. He has set you and me apart that we would grow to be more like Christ." (emphasis mine)

What a relief! Though I've never thought of God as some sort of sadistic entity, seeking to cause me pain on a daily basis, I have at times wondered what in the world God is doing. Why is he preventing me from getting pregnant? What is the point of my unexplained infertility? Why is He allowing everyone else to get pregnant all around me? Why did he take away the one child I did get pregnant with? Why, why, why???

Because He longs to make me loving, pure, and humble like Christ. In a word, he wants me to be holy.

During the movie, a friend of mine called, wanting to make sure I was doing ok since she had heard about both of my SIL's being pregnant. She too is struggling with over a year's worth of infertility and all the different stages of grief that you go through. At one point in the conversation she commented, "Well, maybe we'll always be childless spinsters...but at least we'll be doing what God wants." I was struck by her faith in a dark time. I don't know that I could have honestly said that a year ago. But it's true - God's plan is so much better for us than our own.

And I'm eager to live it.

It's Not Delivery...It's DiGiorno

2010-01-26T21:19:00.000-06:00

When I read Fiddledeedee's DiGiorno giveaway post, it made me think of a little mishap we had with one of our DiGiorno pizza's a few months ago...

Before I begin, you must know that my husband's absolute favorite food in the whole entire world is pizza. He could literally eat it every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and one of his favorite brands of pizza is DiGiorno.

So...we had decided to have a pizza for dinner. A DiGiorno pizza, since it was a special night, eating at home and all. :) Anywho...I offered to pop it in the pizza oven so we could get to eating our "nutritious" meal.

So....I set the pizza oven timer* to the normal length of time, 13 minutes or so, and went about checking my email and whatnot waiting for dinner to be ready.
*(Before I go on, let me note that I always use a timer when baking or doing laundry. In fact, Joe mocks me often for this tendency and can't understand why I don't "just remember it". Ha! This was a good learning lesson for him... )

After the timer ding-ed, I checked on it, and the cheese wasn't even melted completely, let alone golden brown. So I reset the timer for another 7-10 minutes, thinking I would check it half-way through just in case.

Well. Remember when I said that I can't "just remember"?? ;)

So...when the timer ding-ed the second time, I went to retrieve the pizza and it was....black. Burnt to a crisp.

I gasped. And prayed that my husband wouldn't smell the burning cheese.

I did finally tell him.....quite sheepishly, and he indeed was upset. "You burnt a DiGiorno pizza?!?!?? A DiGiorno pizza??!! Those are the best!!!"

*Sigh* At least we had more in the freezer...

Strange...

2010-01-23T21:01:00.000-06:00

It's strange when you feel glum about something, but can't put your finger on it.

That's how I felt today...just kind of distant and sad. It was odd because today was the first Saturday in months that I had absolutely nothing going on. I could sleep in, work out, organize, waste time, watch movies, do laundry, and surf the net as much as my little heart desired. So why did I feel so....sad?

Joe and I were talking about it on our way to my nephew's 6th birthday party when it hit me -- a year ago from yesterday was when we found out we were pregnant with our Hopie. It was a miraculous day - filled with tears and shock and laughter, looking forward to meeting the new life the Lord had blessed us with. And a year ago from today was spent at my nephew's 5th birthday party, where Joe and I exchanged secret smiles with each other as we knew something no one else knew.

Strange.

Strange that it's been a year already, when sometimes it feels like it was only weeks ago.

Strange that my nephew's birthday will now always carry a little bit of sorrow in my heart, remembering the sweet Hope we once had.

Strange that I had somehow forgotten this, and couldn't pinpoint the source of my sadness.

Strange.

So as I remember the joy and excitement that being a mother brought me by re-reading this post and this post, I will also cling to my Savior - the source of my comfort and a close companion to me through the awfulness of the past year.

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him..." (Job 13:15)

It's a Dog's Life...

2010-01-23T12:46:00.002-06:00

Today was bath day for our pup, Quincy, and he wasn't too thrilled about it. He sat there quietly all through his bath, with the exception of jumping out once while Joe was distracted and trying to make a sudsy escape...

After he's cleaned, he likes to sit on his bed (that he's trying to destroy, if you note the left corner of his bed) and look at us forlornly. Kind of like this:

I offered to help dry him with my hair dryer, but he wanted nothing to do with that, and even Joe thought I was being mean.

*sigh*

It's a dog's life...

Meet Quincy...

2009-12-20T22:35:00.004-06:00

The newest addition to our family. :)

Isn't he adorably handsome??

He has both of us smitten, for sure. Especially my husband...

They're becoming fast friends.

And they're so adorable I could just eat them both up!!

Woot!

2009-12-09T10:31:00.004-06:00

Can I just say that I love this lady's blog? She has picture popping photographs, a witty sense of humor, and a faith in God that is to be admired. :)
(Some of you may remember me posting about her son struggling with SVT here....)

And....she's hosting a giveaway at her giveaway blog for a HP Touch Smart computer!! Anybody interested? Head on over and read her post to find out how you could be a lucky winner!! :)

Impulsive Provision

2009-12-01T20:41:00.007-06:00

Let me preface this post with an apology to my mother -- Sorry this is so late Mom!! I didn't get the final pictures loaded onto my computer until today...so I went as quickly as I could!!

Ahem.

This past weekend, Joe and I went to go get our Christmas Tree! Unbeknownst to us, it was part one of a trilogy of impulsive decisiveness for us! And a glimpse of God's provision. :) Here's the story...

Part I
On the day after Thanksgiving, Lovey and I went to go pick out and chop down our Christmas tree. This is normally a grueling ordeal. When one of us isn't picky, the other one is. (Remember this post of my Mom's??

That one's too fat. That one's too thin. That one's bald on one side. That one has too many dead branches. I just don't like that one.

And the list goes on and on. We were getting a late start, and had a lot left to do on that particular Saturday afternoon, so I braced myself for a long trek around the tree farm, searching for "THE perfect tree".

As we pulled into the Frasier Fir section, we commented on how sparse that particular field looked. But we went on in anyway. And as Joe drove up to the first tree on the right, he commented, "That one looks good."

I glanced over at it. It did look good. Hm. We glanced at each other with raised eyebrows, and proceeded to get out of our car. To our shock and relief, after circling it several times, we concluded that it was indeed "THE perfect tree". Amazed, we chopped it down and loaded it up and went on home to set it up.

"No way, the FIRST one we saw??"

"ALLLRIIIGHHHTT!!!!!"

THE Perfect Tree :)

Part II
Let me backtrack for a minute. Before we went to get our tree, we had made an impromptu visit to our local flea market to see if there was a handy bookshelf there by any chance. Since our current bookshelf is smashed full of books going every which way, and we still have some in piles looking for a home! (What can I say, we love books!!) The photo below doesn't even begin to do this justice, as I had already tidied it up a bit, but it will give you a very small idea of how serious our book addiction and problem really is.

So...at the flea market, we didn't find anything. But decided we would walk down to the Amish Furniture store, a block down from our house later that afternoon "just in case" there was anything there we wanted.

*Background fact: Since we've been married, we have said that we would buy a piece of Amish furniture/wood item every year for our anniversary, resulting in us having a beautifully furnished home. However, we have never found anything we liked and that we could afford. Who knew the Amish were so spendy?? ;)

After we set up the Christmas tree, and went about trying to rearrange furniture and find a home for all our books so that I could set up the Christmas decorations, we found ourselves in a pickle. Our house was a mess. And we didn't have anywhere to put all this STUFF!!! (See photo evidence below)

This was the living room mid-sorting.

Joe's attempt at organizing movies.

Just a FEW of the books still looking for a home.

Our sad looking kitchen with loads of Christmas decorations EVERYWHERE.

What a mess!!

So finally I threw my hands up in the air, and insisted that we walk down to the Amish furniture store. "Just in case". And so we went.

If you know me or my husband, you know that we are just a tad bit indecisive. Ok, I exaggerate. We're probably the most indecisive people known to mankind! We rarely can make a decision at any given time. We usually have to mull it over and agonize over everything for a few hours (minimum) before we can make up our minds.

So you'll understand why this next part of the story is so amazing!

As we walked into the Amish furniture store, we commented on how if we couldn't find a bookshelf, maybe we could at least find a coffee table. Surprisingly, as we walked up to the group of coffee tables, I commented, "Hm. I actually like this one!" Joe agreed. We didn't think much of it but kept looking for our bookshelf. After not finding our bookshelf, we came back to the little coffee table and glanced at the price tag.

Hm. It's actually affordable. We glanced at each other with raised eyebrows. "Should we do it?" I asked. Joe agreed. And before I knew it, there we were at the counter paying for a new coffee table. Totally awesome!

But now our house looked even MORE cluttered!

Part III
After setting the surprise-buy-coffee table on our kitchen floor, one of us (I don't remember which) commented: "Maybe we SHOULD go somewhere else to look for a bookshelf. With our luck today, we'll walk into a place and buy the first bookshelf we see because it will be the perfect fit and the right price!"

And so we did what any other couple in our shoes would do. We headed off to another discount market on a quest for the bookshelf we knew must be waiting for us.

Our first stop was a dud. They had something decent...but not quite what we were looking for - a short bookshelf (to fit under the chimney) that might or might not have a door, was on the narrow side, and fit our budget.

So we went on to the next town, another 20 minutes away. As we drove, we tried to think of where we could look, and all we could remember was an antique furniture store that we knew would be terribly expensive, but the only other options were Target or Wal-Mart, so we thought we'd give it a try.

As pulled into the town, we noticed a furniture store neither of us had remembered. Approaching the door, we noticed that it closed at 5, and it was currently 4:45, so we both ran like crazy people through the front door, gasping and apologizing for walking in so late. (We must have looked like lunatics!!)

We explained to the kind sales lady what we were looking for: a short book shelf. (Really descriptive, eh? ;) She kindly led us all the way upstairs, turning back on all the lights they had turned off in anticipation of closing. Rounding the corner, she pointed to a collection of bookshelves in the corner.

We were floored.

They had one the right height! AND the right price!!! What a break!

The sales lady was probably as shocked as we were! Once again, glancing at each other with raised eyebrows for the third time that day, we simultaneously nodded our heads, agreeing that it was the right fit and just what we were looking for. And it was even on sale!!

Upon arriving home, we added one more item to the mess of our kitchen, resulting in the shot below:

But now we had to make it all fit together!!! Thankfully, my husband is a master at puzzles, so he can make furniture fit in a room like no one else can. And after some trial and error, I finally got my Christmas decorations to stop looking so tacky...so here is the finished work! Enjoy!!

Our lovely Amish coffee table. :)

Another view of the living room -- with a CLEAN FLOOR!! :)

Our new bookshelf (on the left). Though none of it matches exactly, it fits our need.
I'm having a hard time getting used to seeing all those books in one area...it still looks a bit cluttered to me, but it'll get us through Christmas until we can rearrange again!

Our lovely, decorated Christmas tree.
I wanted to name him, but Joe laughed at me. :)

My beautiful Christmas plate collection (thanks to my Mom!) and other "deshorakins" :)

The tidied up kitchen!

Recommendation

2009-11-08T20:29:00.003-06:00

Recently, on a trip home to Iowa, I listened to the audio version of the book "Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God", by Francis Chan. Wow. Talk about an amazing, inspiring, convicting and real book!! If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it. It makes you see your life through a whole new lens.

I won't take the time now to delve into all of it's details, but one of the quotes that stuck with me was:

"Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy.
Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers."

If you get a chance, grab this book and devour it! :)

Glory Baby

2009-10-16T00:21:00.002-05:00

This is a primitive video that I put together last night while my candle was lit and I thought of my Hopie. I'm not technologically savvy....so unfortunately there is a watermark from the company in the middle of every image...and the timing is a bit off...but you'll get the idea. :)

This song is called "Glory Baby" by Watermark, and I just stumbled across it about a week ago and fell in love with it. I hope some of you will enjoy it as much as I did.

Keep the Candle Burning...

2009-10-15T08:00:00.002-05:00

Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss and Remembrance Day. At 7 pm, I will be joining the many others who have lost their little ones in lighting a candle so that there may be a continuous wave of light across the world.

I know I've been absent in posting lately. I want to write - and I think of things to share...but sometimes it's just easier for me to zone out to something thoughtless or choose the easy route, rather than sort through my emotions enough to articulate them here.

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The past month has been much harder than I expected. I thought that once I passed Sept. 27th, Hopie's due date, that things would get much easier.

I was so wrong.

Instead, it seems that my pain and heartache is only magnified each time I see someone with a newborn, knowing that it should be my daughter we are cooing over and smiling about.

My arms feel more empty than I could have ever imagined.

I hate feeling this way. I hate avoiding conversations with my pregnant friends just because it causes me pain. I hate feeling jealous of those who have just found out that they're expecting. I hate the way my heart jumps every time I hear the word "Hope", only to crash back down in my chest in sadness. I hate waiting from month to month, wondering if I'll ever be pregnant again ...if my womb will ever carry a sweet little one to term. I hate it that I avoid spending time with the Lord like I should be. Ugh. I just hate it.

I don't intend for this post to be all about me....my pain and my suffering and my loss...God only knows that there are so many others out there going through severe loss and grief that I can't even come close to.

I'm just being honest about how it's been lately. Unfortunately, it's been dark and a bit ugly inside my head and heart.

I know I'm being prayed for. And I appreciate that more than I can ever express. Please don't stop. Your prayers are often what get me through those moments of unexpected tears and wrenching heartache.

On the flip side -- if you are one of my pregnant friends, or someone who just had a baby, please please do not feel guilty. Your little one is such a precious lamb of God...treasure what you have. Treasure every kick that you feel. Kiss their little fingers and toes. Cherish every moment your belly expands or every soft kiss against their cheek. And know that I rejoice with you -- I really do. There is nothing like the joy of new life...

So today with hope, I will remember my Hopie. Knowing that she's in the arms of Jesus - where there is no more sin, no more pain, and no more heartache....she is in the most perfect and complete place she could ever be. And I can't wait to join her there.

I will also remember the precious little ones of those so dear to my heart: Alethia Joy, Samuel, Max & Olivia, Audrey, Isaac, Baby Stuelke, Baby Evers, and so many more....I can't help but smile thinking about the ruckus they must be making in Heaven. :)

2009-10-15T08:00:00.001-05:00

Beauty from Pain

2009-10-02T19:35:00.007-05:00

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am, at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

--Superchick "Beauty from Pain"

I know I'm behind on posting....but I wanted to share the lyrics to this song. It's been meaning more and more to me lately. Hopefully I'll have a "real" post soon...

How do YOU eat YOUR nuggets?

2009-08-15T22:24:00.003-05:00

Do you line your chicken nuggets up like this??

Well...my Lovey does!
Can we say Obsessive Compulsive?? ;)
Love you, Sweets!! :)

Family Tragedy Strikes!

2009-08-09T22:11:00.005-05:00

My family loves ice cream.

I mean....they really love ice cream.

So you can imagine the shock and horror we endured when we this morbid scene took place during our traditional stop at a small town ice cream shop.

That's ice cream on the floor there, folks. Chocolate ice cream.
A big fave amongst the best of us.

Especially my sister.

Just check out her facial expression!!!

And why in the world my Mom and Aunt Linda appear so cheery
in the middle of an ice cream CRISIS is beyond me.

Seriously.

However, the picture below captures how the majority of us felt in our hearts...

Thankfully, the staff and manager were able to get the
majority of the mess cleaned up while still taking our orders.

I guess ice cream just gives you power like that.

Burdened.

2009-07-26T22:20:00.004-05:00

Tonight I feel burdened with the need to pray. So much has been going on in my own life and in the lives of those around me...it just breaks my heart to see the pain and suffering some of them have to go through.

Recently, my cousin and his wife suffered through their first miscarriage. I was slightly surprised at how much emotion it dredged up in me. Although I was slightly jealous of them for being pregnant with the first great-grandchild in the family, I would never ever wish a miscarriage on them. I wept when I found out....

Then, just a week ago, another dear friend of mine went through a miscarriage -- only 5 months after delivering a daughter still-born. Again...my heart felt like it was being wrenched out of my chest. I could do nothing but grieve and pray with and for them...

Youth group has been wearing on me emotionally as well. There have been several fights between some of the girls -- over very petty, superficial things. Things that they should know better than to fight about. I've had to have difficult discussions with some of them. I've been the big bad mean youth leader and had to enforce the rules. I've heard some horrible background stories from some of their lives. I've needed to be informed about awkward and shocking scenarios that happened in a Christian setting. Ugh. I wish I could just ground them all until they are ready to behave! But I can't. I can just pray.

There's been a cancer scare with one of my close friends. Tests will be happening soon to find out more information. It's unnerving...

I have a terribly irritating co-worker who I have to pray about constantly when I work with her. So that I don't yell. Or lock her in the vault at the bank. Or worse...

Baby Stellan, who I've mentioned before here, is going through some awful SVT times again. I can't imagine the struggle this must be for their family...

The Lord has really been impressing on me the importance of loving others -- truly loving them as Christ does. And, as it usually happens when the Lord convicts you of something, He has been showing me every way I have been failing in this area. Depressing. Discouraging.

My husband is laid off from his job, and has been since the beginning of May. There seems to be less and less of a chance of his company hiring him back at the end of the summer like we had originally hoped.

And, as always, my womb and my arms are empty. The ache of losing Hopie never goes away...and the wound is reopened every time another sweet friend gets pregnant or I start my cycle again. I'm still happy for them. It's just....hard.

However, as we've been studying in our Bible study recently, struggles are to be expected when you're a soldier for the Lord. I Peter 4:12 says:

"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation."

And we are not without hope. All our hope is in the Lord. And He willingly carries all of our burdens, no matter how trivial or small. He alone can be trusted with them.

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh...Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:7-11, 16-18

Ketchup!

2009-07-13T21:21:00.011-05:00

I promised a "ketchup" post last time, so here it is -- what's been going on here at our place since April...

During a college preview week at my alma mater, Emmaus Bible College, my good friend Charissa wanted to take pictures of me as a special gift for Joe. However, that gift has yet to be given to him...but I'm working on it! Here are a few of the shots, though not necessarily my favorites. The rest can be viewed here:

In the beginning of June, we had a Girls Nite with our youth group girls to talk about the touchy topic of modesty. We made yummy smoothies, laughed, played games, and painted our toenails and ended with a devotional on honoring the Lord in the way we dress. I don't know how much it impacted their hearts, but it went smoothly and we pray the Lord continues to use our words. Here's the gang below:

Later that month, I went on a second girls outing -- with several ladies from our Bible Study plus a few extra. We went to a very relaxing and refreshing cabin, it was so wonderful!

We also were blessed to see some incredibly beautiful sunsets...

Next was an energy packed trip to Valleyfair with the youth group! I even braved the Power Tower! A fun time was had by all :)

We finished out June with a family vacation to northern MN with the rest of my extended family - at least all that could be there. We enjoyed our time sleeping, eating s'mores, taking pictures, playing poker, hiking, roasting marshmallows, watching Fiddler on the Roof and talking, of course! It was a weekend I will cherish forever...

Listening to Grandpa's reminiscing...

Hiking Buddies!!

Mom Surprised me with her Poker Prowess!

Recently, we had a family reunion at a park near us with Joe's side of the family. I used the time to experiment more with my camera and got quite a few adorable shots of my nephews and niece, as well as others!

Tanner's my silly buddy :)

Sutton has a way with the women in our family!

Precious brother and sister!

Tanner loves his Uncle!

Laina is the little princess of the family :)

And that brings us up to date!

Sleep & Me

2009-07-06T22:29:00.004-05:00

Well. It's been 2 months since my last post. Sorry guys. Life has truly been a whirlwind...and no, I'm not pregnant, if any of you were wondering if that contributed to my silence. :)

Anywho....perhaps I'll do a bit of a "ketchup" post soon (get it? "ketchup"? "catch up" tee hee), but for now, you'll have to survive with a story about me and my sleep.

In case you didn't know, I am an avid sleep talker. Terribly chatty. Just ask my husband. The poor fellow suffers from lack of sleep due to my random yelling and raving in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, I rarely remember what happened or what I said, so I have to find humor in the stories my hubby tells me. Here's what happened last night...

**My husband will be referred to as "Lovey" throughout the rest of the story.

Apparently Lovey couldn't sleep, so he was downstairs getting a midnight snack or watching a show, I'm not really sure, but that's not the point anyway.

Ahem.

He was downstairs, minding his own quiet, middle-of-the-night business when he began to hear yelling from upstairs. My yelling, mind you. I guess it went something like this:

"Get out of here!! Get out of here!! What are you doing in here?? Why did you let them in here?!?!?!"

This is not normal (even for me) in the middle of the night at our house, so Lovey called upstairs, "Liz,Are you ok?"

More yelling ensued.

By now, Lovey is getting a little concerned about my welfare, so he went to the foot of the stairs and looked up. And there I was, in all my middle-of-the-night glory, standing at the top of the stairs and looking ticked.

My eyes were open, and since I've been known to yell at Lovey when he tries to convince me I'm asleep, he knew that approach would not go over too well. So...he took the next most logical step and asked me, "Who's up there?"

I replied indignantly, "You let them in." Shooting daggers out of my eyes.

Lovey: There's no one up there.

Me: Yes there is!

Lovey: No there's not. No one's here. And even if they are here, they're up there with you and you don't need to worry about it. It's ok.

(Side note: Really, hon, "they're up there with you"?? Like that's encouraging to a crazed sleeping person...)

After a bit more arguing, I guess I did finally go back to bed - much to Lovey's relief. :) But what's really startling about this whole story is...when did I begin sleep walking? And what if I had fallen down the stairs?!?!

When in doubt, post pics

2009-04-28T22:35:00.004-05:00

Yikes. Has it really been 13 days since I last posted?? It's not that I'm at a lack for posting ideas....I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head -- as well as recent happenings that I'd like to share -- but it seems I never have the time to get them down. And when I do have the time, my mind is blank.

Go figure.

However, to keep myself in the groove a bit...I will share a few photos from our recent Mexico Night with some kids from our church. :) Joe and I were in charge of games...and whoooeee!! Talk about exhaustion! It was great fun....but we were totally and completely wiped by the end of the night. :)

Doesn't she look festive? :)

Me and one of the results of "Dress-A-Cactus"
(AND, but the way...Joe MADE that cactus. From our old carpet roll!! Yeeuh!

Little Senor :)

Two of my favorite boys :)

And this one's a freebie....can anyone guess who's in the Chuck E. Cheese suit??
(though you may already know from my facebook....:D )

He Will Carry Me...

2009-04-15T12:40:00.003-05:00

This song has been on my heart and mind today...

He Will Carry Me
by Mark Schultz

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more then I can bear
I feel so empty

You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength
that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength
that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me
through the storm

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength
that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me
He will carry me

Fixing my gaze

2009-04-14T17:04:00.002-05:00

About a month ago, my sis-in-law gave me a little pin like this one, to remind me of my Hopie. I pinned it to the outside pocket of my purse, so I would see it often and be reminded of my little one in Heaven.

Today, I realized it was gone.

I literally felt like all the air in my lungs had been sucked out of me in that moment. And I was at work. Of all places. I haven't really let myself react yet...I forced myself to "forget" about it (if that's even possible) and go on with my work day...put on a happy face. Maybe I can look for it later.

But it sucks. Bad.

I know it's just a pin....and I can find another one and it's no big deal...but just the fact that it even fell off!! It made me so mad! I felt like it was such an attack from Satan....Lately I've been avoiding thinking and even praying much about my precious baby because I don't want to cry...or because I want to cry, but I don't have time to cry. (Who even chooses to make time to cry? Apparently I think I can...) Looking at that pin would often get me through a tough moment when I thought I was going to lose it...or would make me think of Heaven when I was getting caught up in something infuriating at work. As you may have read in this earlier post, I have been looking for something to remind me of Hopie on a daily basis -- but something a little more permanent -- a bench, plant, tree, or piece of jewelry. That pin was tiding me over until we decided on something even better. And now it's gone.

I guess this is just a reminder as to why we are called to

"..fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Hebrews 12:2-3

Thank you Jesus, that You know grief's deepest pain and the sorrow of death. You alone give me strength and hope. May my gaze be continually on You...

Proud as a Peacock

2009-04-08T12:18:00.005-05:00

I've been a bit lax in my posting lately...I have thoughts bumping around in my head that I want to share, but I need to get them organized first!

However, to provide some kind of blog fodder, I will say that I was SO PROUD of my husband last night...really and truly proud. He was in the process of making a Bible Pictionary based on the chapters we've been studying out of Isaiah for Bible Study. He has spent HOURS choosing words, deciding on whether or not to make pictionary cards or not, and finalizing the layout (after accidentally deleting his entire project in Word -- he had to get creative with the pages he had printed out and make it work! Yet another reason I was proud of him. :) ). Last night, while cutting out the cards and atempting to laminate them in our handy dandy little laminater, the page got stuck. And I mean STUCK. No pulling or prodding could loosen the little bugger.

Now, if I had been in that situation, I would have been raving mad. I guess it's the red-headed temper in me. I would have been yelling and stomping and declaring how dumb this whole idea was anyway and WHY did I ever waste so much time on this...no one will even appreciate it...yada yada yada. But you know what he did? He remained calm. The ENTIRE time. Hardly even complained or banged things around. In fact, he even FIXED the darn thing.

I was amazed. I told him how proud I was of him...but I don't think he came even close to understanding how much my heart welled up with love and pride for him in that moment...so I thought I'd share it with all of you, so you can be proud too!

(I had wanted to share photographic evidence...but my lovey isn't too keen on that sort of thing. Although I think I could have gotten away with it...but I didn't want to irritate him -- especially after all that he'd gone through!!)

Bi-Polar post...

2009-03-31T15:22:00.004-05:00

*** WARNING: this post has two drastically different emotional sides to it. Consider yourself forewarned...***

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The Happy Half:

Last week was my stupid week. Seriously. And I don't mean it in a negative way...but rather to poke fun at myself, because life has been a little too "down" lately. To start out the week, I practiced with seven men from my church on "All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name" that they're going to be singing for Easter Sunday. I've never "directed" this type of thing before, so it's all been new to me, and I've had a tendency to be a bit flighty about it all. But Monday took the cake as I desperately tried to convince the tenors to sing the baritone part. Even telling them, "No, no, no...you don't go up there! You stay the same! See? ..." To my credit, they didn't notice either until we got 3/4 through the song...at which point I slapped myself on the forehead (literally) and said "DUUUHHHH!!! I'm playing the baritone part!!! Not the tenor!!!! Ahh! Sorry guys!!"

Good thing they're forgiving!

My second moment of stupidity also happened Monday night. I got home (from the men's vocal practice) exhausted, as I had worked all day and accompanied for a solo recital at the high school and worked with the men's group. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly paying attention and all I wanted to do was go to bed. Joe had already left for work, so I stumbled in the back door, checked my email, and climbed into bed. The next morning, I heard Joe come upstairs and thought I'd just keep my eyes closed and try to fall back asleep, hoping he wouldn't turn on the light. Unfortunately, he turned on the hall light, and I groaned and squinted at him, to which he said,

"So you are alive."

I figured he said that because I look half-dead right when I wake up in the morning, so I laughed sleepily, brushing it off. Then he crouched down to be right at eye-level with me and said seriously,

"Did you know you left your keys in the back door all night?"

*blink*blink*

Needless to say, my heart skipped a few beats, and then I understood why he had asked if I was alive....for all he knew, a burglar could have broken in and murdered me in my sleep! And I'm the one who's always freaked out about intruders breaking in...seriously...

Which brings me to my third stupid moment. A few days after the first 2 stupid-incidents, we decided to have pizza for dinner. DiGiorno, which is, in Joe's words, "the BEST frozen pizza EVER". (And he would know!) So I got it out and ready -- it was a bizzare kind, pepperoni with sun-dried peppers or something like that, and I didn't think I'd like it, but I thought -- Joe loves DiGiorno pizza, I'll make it for his sake. I know he'll eat it. So I opened the package and popped it in the pizza oven without a second thought.

10 minutes later, when I went to pull it out, I gasped, and then started giggling uncontrollably. I had left the cardboard circle on the bottom of the pizza when I put it in the pizza oven.

Let's just say I was testing our smoke alarms. And our fire safety knowledge. And our house insurance policy.

Yikes.

After Joe got done scolding me, and I apologized profusely, and he scolded me some more, and we had to bake the pizza all over again (because the bottom crust wasn't done AT ALL), and Joe scolded me again and the pizza came out mostly BLACK....I learned my lesson. I'll never do that again!!

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The Pessimistic Part: (and I'll keep it brief)

Why in Heaven's name does every STINKIN' co-worker of mine have to mention every person they've ever known in their whole life who just had a baby, or who's baby shower they just went to, or who's baby is so cute, or who just found out they're pregnant, and on and on and on and on....HELLLLOOOOO!!!! Do they not know I JUST HAD a miscarriage?!?!?!?!??!!

*deep breathing*

Now that that's out of my system....it's not that I don't want to hear about babies -- because I am ecstatic when I hear of friends who are pregnant and such. Truly, I am. But to hear of another person who's pregnant -- who I don't even know (and frankly, don't really care about, if I may be completely blunt) -- multiple times a day every day I'm there is a little much. Show some sensitivity, people! :)

Missing you, sweet little one...

2009-03-29T21:34:00.004-05:00

Today as I held my sweet 3 month old nephew, I couldn't help but think of our Hopie...and miss her. Later on, I created this:
title="Wordle: Little Hopie"> src="http://www.wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/703317/Little_Hopie"
alt="Wordle: Little Hopie"
style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd">

Check it out and let me know what you think (since I could not for the life of me figure out a way to actually post it on my blog without it being too tiny to read! :P)

I Will Trust You, Lord

2009-03-24T22:29:00.003-05:00

I'm sure it's my exhaustion getting the best of me...but I've been missing my Hopie so much tonight. It seems I can't stop the tears from coming...even when nothing is causing them.

I received an email from an old friend today - she lost her daughter to leukemia years ago when she was only 8, so she knows far better than I the deep darkness and pain of grief in losing a child. She shared Psalm 116:15 with me, and it touched a special place in my heart:

"His loved ones are VERY precious to him and he does not lightly let them die."

To know that there is a purpose in death...and that it is not something that the Lord brushes off as another insignificant detail of our lives as humans...or as merely another name on a list of deceased..."He does not lightly let them die." Praise God for that.

She also shared some of the lyrics from an old song by Twila Paris called, "Do I Trust You Lord". I'll share them below, the closing chorus especially expresses where I'm at right now...

Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in your will, what's in your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask you why
But I can never forget it for long,
Lord what you do could not be wrong
So I believe you even when I must cry,

Do I trust you Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust you Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart, You can read my mind
And you've got to know I would rather die
Than to lose my faith in the One I love.
Do I trust you Lord?
Do I trust you?

I will trust you, Lord when I don't know why
I will trust you, Lord, til the day I die
I will trust you, Lord when I am blind with pain
You were God before and You'll never change
I will trust you, Lord
I will trust you,
I will trust you, Lord

Bitty post

2009-03-23T22:17:00.003-05:00

Phew...I'm exhausted tonight! Had a super long day with work and then filled with music activities in the evening (which is always fun, but a bit draining... :), but I wanted to share a quick prayer request.

I recently began reading MckMama's blog, mainly because it was mentioned both on Bring the Rain and Hope and a Future, two other blogs I read regularly. And I quickly fell in love with her beautiful photographs of her beautiful children and her simple, sweet spirit. Now her baby son is in danger -- he has a racing heartbeat and the doctors are unable to get it to tame down. If you think of it, please pray for them. (Updates can be found on MckMama's blog) I'm sure they would appreciate as many prayer warriors in battle for them as possible.

It's a God-Thing

2009-03-18T11:27:00.004-05:00

I've been trying to think of a visual remember of my Hopie to have around the house or in our yard or something. My sister-in-law got me started by giving me a small gold pin with a pair of baby's feet on it, the size they would be at 10 weeks gestation, and I've pinned it on to my purse. It's such a sweet reminder...but I still want something more. I've got a few ideas mulling around in my head...so feel free to offer any suggestions!

Anywho, the reason I mentioned that is because last night I was thinking of Hopie just before heading to bed. As I went to take my last swig of water before heading upstairs, my gaze fell on a magnet on the corner of my fridge. And I think my eyes probably tripled in size.

It's a magnet I had made at an Uppercase Living party several months ago, just a simple light blue rectangular shape with white polka dotted swirls on it....and the word "Hope". I would have gasped, but then I would have choked, thus making the moment far more dramatic than it needed to be! But it meant so much to me...to realize that the Lord prompted me to choose the word "Hope" out of the collection of other words -- I could have done "love" or "peace" or any other such thing...but I chose Hope. Coincidence? I think not. Looking back, I'm fairly certain I chose that word because of my battle with infertility and hoping so fiercely that the Lord would bless us that month...or maybe the next...or the next...never knowing that "Hope" would carry so much meaning for me later on. I love how the Lord works!

And that's not all...

Once I got upstairs, I was reading my Bible before going to sleep, and was reading Isaiah 25, one of the chapters required for our Bible Study this week.

Now, before I go on, let me mention that I do know the importance of "good hermeneutics"...but I also believe that sometimes the Lord can use passages of Scripture outside of the context it's in to speak to a person individually. Now I'll explain what I mean...

Back to Isaiah 25 -- the first 2 verses speak of praising God because,

"You have worked wonders, plans formed long ago, with perfect faithfulness. For You have made a city into a heap, a fortified city into a ruin..."

I couldn't help but think of the journey we've been on -- attempting to start a family for a year and a half, the joy and miracle of finding out we were pregnant, and then the overwhelming sorrow of miscarrying. I thought of infertility and miscarriage and how you feel ruined when it's all over. However, each of those events were part of God's plan of perfect faithfulness. Not that God wanted our baby to die or wanted us to go through the tears and searing pain of grief after the agony of waiting so long for a child...but He has seen the end from the beginning, and every step has been an opportunity for Him to show us His perfect faithfulness.

As I read on, I came across verse 8,

"He will swallow up death for all time, and the Lord God will wipe tears away from all faces..."

Thank you Lord that a Day is coming when tears and grief won't be a part of life anymore!

"O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" (I Cor. 15:55)

By this point, I was grinning at how the Lord had spoken to my heart and encouraged me - and yet I kept thinking of how I want to be more bold about our whole experience. I believe that the Lord can really use our story to encourage the hearts of others and also demonstrate His unfailing grace and faithfulness towards us as we cling to Him.

Which brings me to my last thought -- as hermeneutically incorrect as it may be...

As I concluded my Bible reading in II Cor 3 (by the way -- for any of you going through a particularly rough time, I have found II Corinthians to be soooo encouraging and helpful, especially the first 4 chapters. They have sustained me through many "valleys" from high school until now), I was struck by verse 12,

"Therefore, having such a hope, we use great boldness in our speech"

Dude...was God listening to my thoughts just then or what?? I want to use the experience of losing my baby....who "just happened" to be named Hope...as a way to be more bold for the Lord. EXACTLY what vs 8 was saying...in a paraphrased Liz-version.

God Rocks. There's just no way around it.

A Rose: The Price of Purpose

2009-03-13T11:45:00.004-05:00

I've been reading the book "Digging Ditches" by Helen Roseveare recently, and was impacted by a couple of her thoughts in one of the chapters.

For those of you who have never heard of Helen Roseveare, she is a former missionary to the Congo of Africa, and underwent many challenges while there. "Digging Ditches" was written about her time after she left the Congo (for medical reasons) and finding her purpose again in normal, mundane, everyday activities.

Anywho. On to the point...

In order to illustrate a lesson on the price of our purpose in Christ, she took a single stemmed rose and stripped it to create an arrow. She began by plucking off all of it's beautiful petals and leaves. Though they were good things, and essential to the life of the rose, they would be a hindrance in its new function as an arrow. She then cut off the thorns and side branches - these would cause instability in the balance of the arrow. Then, taking the bare stem, she whittled away the bark, the very bark that protected the flower from rain and sun...but once whittled away, left the shaft polished and smooth and useful as an arrow.

The questions posed as she did this were(and I paraphrase): Am I willing to allow God to strip me of even the good things in my life (the petals and leaves), if that will make me into an instrument for His service? Even my marriage, my little Hopie (as I call Faith Hope), and my general happiness? Am I willing to let God strip me of my "rights" (the branches) -- my right to choose my husband, choose where I work, choose when I try to get pregnant, and have a cozy home and a happy life -- if that's what it takes to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles"? Am I willing to be stripped naked of myself (the bark) and the essence of who I am and what my plans are for my life in order to be wholly identified with Him and available for His purpose?

Wow.

I found myself weeping as I read through her illustration...once again reminded that it's not about ME. Even though I think that losing my little Hopie sucks (and it does), and it's not fair and why me and why doesn't God just wipe all this pain and despair away? But it's not about ME. It's about HIM. Not that that trivializes or minimizes the pain and sorrow I'm going through...but it does give me HOPE.

There IS a PURPOSE in this sorrow...